Trials of Love
by krissy7490
Summary: The sequel to Evil Intent. The past comes back to haunt Castiel and he has to deal with the consequences. Rated M for future chapters. Warning: Castiel/Dean content. Don't like, don't read. You've been warned! Now complete.
1. Chapter 1

Trials of Love

Here it is! Chapter 1 of the sequel to "Evil Intent." I hadn't planned on writing it yet, but the ideas I keep getting for it has not left me alone and I also didn't want to forget any of it! It's set right before "Rapture." So here it is. Hope you enjoy!

_**Warning: This story is of the Dean/Castiel persuasion. Don't like it, don't read it! And it will have graphic sex scenes. So I repeat, don't like it, don't read it!**_

_**Disclaimer: Castiel isn't mine, no matter how much I pray! Supernatural and company belongs to the genius known as Kripke.**_

Chapter 1

There are certain aspects to being angel one must remember.

Fear is not an emotion an angel is used to experiencing.

An angel is not supposed have secrets kept hidden away from his fellow brethren.

An angel is not supposed to fall in love with their charge.

An angel is not supposed to have sinned with said charge and then remove the memory of the encounter from the charge.

Castiel was no ordinary angel.

Castiel walked quietly through the forest, his forest as he had come to know it. It was quiet, peaceful. Hidden away from the war raging around him. It was private here. Here he could rest, undisturbed.

He sat beneath one of the trees and closed his eyes, a sigh escaping his lips. Here, he could think about Dean. He could think about the hunter's green eyes. The softness of his lips. The smoothness of his skin. The sounds that would escape from that delicious mouth when they had made love together.

It had been several months since the events that took place in Utah had occurred. Both Sam and Dean were blissfully unaware of what had happened and Castiel intended to keep it that way. He carried the guilt of what happened during those days with him where ever he went. He knew he had been selfish to drag Dean into such a dangerous situation. If the other angels had found out what they had done…

But they hadn't. And it was going to remain that way.

He had tried to keep his distance from the hunter as best as he could, but he hated staying away for too long. Dean's faith in his own abilities had faltered after his encounter with Alistair, but things had begun to improve. He had seen it most recently during their encounter with the prophet, Chuck. He had seen that spark of determination in Dean's eyes that Castiel had grown to love dearly. He knew he had overstepped his bounds by helping Dean save Sam, but how could do anything else? He loved Dean and if saving Sam would make him happy, Castiel was only too happy to aid him.

He allowed himself to think back to that night. He remembered how it felt to be standing so close to Dean, to feel his warmth when he stood nearby. The intensity in his green eyes as he asked for help. Even his feeble attempt at prayer only served to make Castiel love him more. Dean's words had been harsh at first, when Castiel had told him he couldn't help him. Castiel knew that he had to be careful. He had to make sure he did not overstep his well placed boundaries. But then Dean had said that he would leave. Would want nothing to do with him ever again. And he had walked away. That act was like a knife in the angel's heart.

So he made a choice.

Castiel couldn't help but remain amazed at how much he loved the hunter. How effortless the action was. If only things could be different…

***

The petite dark-haired woman stood by the deserted crossroads, tapping her foot impatiently while looking all around her. She let out a sigh, glancing at the watch she was wearing.

"This had better be good, Demon," A voice said behind her.

The woman spun around to see a tall, older man watching her with distaste. Her eyes flashed black and she unconsciously took a couple steps away from him.

"Oh, it is, Zachariah," The woman said, her hands on her hips in an attempted to appear nonchalant.

"Well, Ruby?" Zachariah said, looking obviously disinterested.

Ruby smiled. "Well, what if I told you I had some information regarding one of your little soldiers? Information that the other demons would just _love_ to get their hands on?"

Zachariah arched an eyebrow at her. "Go on," He replied, his interest piqued.

Ruby held up a hand. "Not so fast there, Zach. This information doesn't come free. I didn't come here to risk getting smited by your holy fire for nothing!"

The angel looked annoyed for a moment before letting out an impatient sigh.

"Fine. What was it you were looking for?"

The demon grinned, pleased.

"Nothing too big. After all, we both know we're after the same thing; we just have some different methods to achieving that goal. All I'm asking for is some… immunity. Keep me out of the angel firing range so I can do my job without worrying."

Zachariah frowned for a moment as he considered her request. Finally, he nodded.

"Very well. Now talk, before I change my mind. And this had better be worth it."

Ruby's smile broadened. "Oh, don't worry about that, Zach! What if I told you I knew for a fact that one of you dearest angel soldiers had been getting it hot and heavy with a certain Winchester?"

Zachariah's frowned deepened. "That's not news to me! And for your information, Anna is _not_ one of my soldiers…"

Ruby laughed and shook her head.

"Please! What kind of idiot do you take me for? Of course I know that's not news to you! Although you do have the right Winchester. No, I'm talking about the angel _in charge_ of Dean Winchester."

Slowly, a look of shock replaced the scowl on Zachariah's face.

"_Castiel_?" He said incredulously.

Ruby smiled triumphantly and nodded.

"The one and only! Back when they saved the seal in Utah with that religious guy. Apparently that Anna had gotten frisky with Castiel by taking him against his will and the slut had turned into Dean to do it. But our little hunter found out about it and it turns out that they both have a thing for each other."

Zachariah eyed her suspiciously. "But nothing is going on now. I have been watching him rather closely lately."

Ruby rolled her eyes. "That's because he wiped Dean's and Sam's memories clean of all of it! Don't know why. I only found out because Sam confided the whole sordid story to me before he did it."

She arched an eyebrow at the angel.

"So we have a deal, then?"

Zachariah nodded, a slow smile spreading across his face.

"Oh yes. We have a deal."

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Just wanted to give a HUGE thank you to the ever wonderful Crafty! She is truly my muse and helped break the evil writer's block that kept me from finishing this last night!

I know it's a tad short, but I wanted to at least give you a taste and, as always, am looking forward to reading your reviews as I know I will get even more inspiration from them!

Thanks for reading! : )


	2. Chapter 2

*_The scene on the dock is taken from the scene in "Rapture." Obviously, the dialogue ain't mine. _

Chapter 2

There was something wrong.

Castiel could hear the whispers amongst his brethren. Whispers of an angel falling. Whispers of an angel sinning. Whispers of Zachariah's anger. Whispers of punishment.

Then Castiel received a summons from Zachariah. A summons requesting his presence, sooner rather than later.

Castiel knew something had happened. Somehow… someone knew what he had done… someone had seen…

Then another, more terrifying thought crossed his mind.

What if Dean had found out?

He decided he had to talk to Dean. Now.

***

He slipped into the hunter's dream quickly and effortlessly. He found Dean sitting contently in a chair on a dock by a lake. He was gazing out over the lake, looking much more calm and relaxed then Castiel had seen him for a long time. He realized at that moment that Dean didn't know, couldn't know. But that didn't bring him comfort. In fact, it only served to make Castiel want to talk to him more. Talk to him before someone else did.

He stood next to Dean, his voice tense.

"We need to talk."

He saw Dean jump slightly out of the corner of his eye. He refused to allow himself to look at the hunter directly, afraid of what it might make him do.

"I'm dreaming aren't I?" Dean said, sounding slightly disappointed.

Castiel could feel his insides quake despite the fact that they were in Dean's dream.

"It's not safe here. Someplace more private," He said quickly, anxiously.

There wasn't much time. He could already hear the whispers of the angels. Whispers that something was going on. Whispers that Zachariah was getting angry. Whispers wondering where Castiel was.

Dean didn't seem to sense the urgency in Castiel's voice.

"More private? We're inside my head."

"Exactly." Castiel nervously looked around before fixing his gaze on Dean. His heart jumped slightly as he took in the full sight of Dean, but pushed the feelings aside. There wasn't time. "Someone could be listening."

At that statement Dean really looked at the angel, realizing that there was something urgent in Castiel's voice. "Cas, what's wrong?"

Castiel felt a wave of relief course through him as he saw he had finally reached Dean. He pulled out a piece of folded paper and handed it to him.

"Meet me here. Go now."

He left before Dean had a chance to reply. Castiel could only hope that Dean would read its contents and go as quickly as possible to meet him at the location. He had to make sure he talked to Dean first. To try to explain the truth to him before someone else did it. He prayed Dean would forgive him.

***

Dean's eyes flew open with a gasp. He was no longer at the lake. Instead he was in the latest motel room he and Sam had chosen to stay at. He sat up and saw on the nearby alarm clock that it was only 2:30 in the morning. He then looked over at the other bed and nearly growled with annoyance at seeing it empty.

"Damn it, Sam!" Dean ground out as he swung his legs out of bed. He reached over and grabbed the cell phone sitting next to the alarm clock and quickly punched in Sam's number.

"Hello?" Sam's voice answered after three rings.

"Sam! Where are you? It's fucking 2:30 in the morning!"

"Sorry, man! I got hungry and you were actually sleeping good for once. So I ran out to grab some food. Why, what's up?"

"Get back here. Now. We have to get moving. I'll explain it to you when you get here."

Dean hung up before Sam could reply. He got up and began throwing their belongings into the duffle bags while simultaneously getting dressed. He was worried. He had never seen Castiel like that before. The angel had actually seemed… afraid.

Dean hated to admit to the feelings he felt inside of himself every time the angel was around. Dean savored his presence, wishing it would last longer and longer every time. Of course, there was no way he would ever say anything. Christ, he was screwed up, but not that screwed up!

But yet… there was something… missing… something felt out of place… Dean couldn't put his finger on it. But he felt like he was supposed to remember something… something that was just beyond his grasp.

About ten minutes after Dean had called, Sam pulled into the parking spot in front of their room. By the time he entered Dean had already had all of their belongings packed and ready, a skilled developed over years of practice.

"Dean, what the hell's going on?" Sam asked confused.

"Cas showed up in my dream," Dean said quickly as he shoved a bag into Sam's startled hands while grabbing the other two sitting nearby. "He said he needed to talk to me and gave me an address to meet him at. Something's wrong, Sam. He wasn't acting right. He was worried about someone listening, someone hearing us."

Sam followed him out and slung his bag into the car with the ones Dean threw in.

"Alright. And I've got some stuff to tell you about too."

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Hi guys! Yes, I know this chapter was a tad short. But I promise to make up for it in the next chapter! : )

I just wanted to thank everyone for such an enthusiastic response to the story already! I'm so glad you're enjoying it and please feel free to share your feedback with me as it really helps my writing!

Thanks for reading! : )


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Castiel stood in the abandoned warehouse alone. He anxiously paced the darken floors, waiting for Dean to arrive. In truth, he really didn't know what he was going to say when the hunter arrived. He knew deep down that he should tell Dean the truth about what happened in Utah and the time they shared together. But then, the actually thought of having to tell Dean everything was terrifying, especially now with the risk that Dean would be furious with him for what he had done.

Castiel let out a deep sigh and closed his eyes. The whispers of his brethren had become silent over the last few hours. Castiel knew it meant something was happening. He could only assume they were preparing for some battle to defend a seal. After all, that was all they seemed to do anymore. Fight the demon hordes. Sometimes they won. More often now, however, they would lose. The seals kept breaking, one right after the other, and Castiel knew that there weren't all that many left.

Suddenly, Castiel heard a noise. He turned to see Dean enter the warehouse door, flashlight in hand. He took a deep breath and braced himself when the beam of light fell on him and Dean saw him.

"Dean," Castiel said quietly.

Dean slowly lowered the flashlight. Castiel could see his face and noticed that Dean looked… angry.

"What the fuck, Cas," Dean growled furiously.

"I'm sorry, Dean, but this was the only place-"

Dean held up a hand. "Shut up, Castiel. I'm not talking about this little meeting."

Castiel felt his heart jump into his throat. His gaze flickered for a moment, but he forced himself to look Dean in the eye. He owed him that much.

"I… I don't understand…"

Dean shot him a bitter smirk.

"Well, what if I told you that on the way here Sam had a pretty damn interesting story to tell me? A story involving a little trip to Utah and something between you and me? That ringing any bells for you?"

Castiel couldn't look at Dean anymore. He dropped his head and closed his eyes, his stomach knotted with guilt.

"Dean… please…"

Dean took a step closer, his knuckles white as he gripped the flashlight.

"So it's true then? You had sex with Anna and then… then you had sex with _me_!?"

Castiel looked up at him, his eyes filled with desperation.

"Please… Dean… it wasn't like that…"

Dean threw his arms out to the sides in annoyance. "Well, you better start talking, Cas, because that's the version I heard!"

"But… from who…?"

Dean let out a derisive snort.

"Oh, that's the best part! That little demon whore _Ruby. RUBY_, Castiel!!! I had to learn this through Sam who got told by _Ruby_! Apparently he told her all about it before you went and mind-whammied us!"

Castiel closed his eyes, mentally kicking himself for forgetting about her.

"Dean… please… I can explain…"

Dean folded his arms and glared furiously at the angel.

"Fine. Start talking."

Castiel looked at Dean and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He trembled under Dean's angry gaze.

"I… I didn't have… relations… with Anna willing… she took me by force… and you eventually found out while you and Sam were saving a seal…"

Dean frowned. "Alright. But that doesn't explain us."

Castiel took a deep breath. "You… you found out about what happened… and one night… the night you saved the seal… you… we were both severely injured… and…"

His voice trailed off. He didn't know if he could bring himself to say it. Dean's expression seemed to soften slightly.

"And what?" Dean asked.

Castiel balled his hands into fists by his sides, fighting to work up the courage.

"And… I told you the truth…"

He forced himself to look up and meet Dean's gaze.

"That I… I love you… and… and that you loved me…"

Dean looked visibly taken aback. Castiel dropped his gaze again and closed his eyes. He didn't want to see the look of rejection from Dean. It would be bad enough to hear it…

He heard Dean quietly walk towards him and felt him gently place his hand on his shoulder. He felt his knees go weak as him breathed in the musky cologne that Dean always seemed to smell like. He could feel the heat radiating from his body.

"Do you still love me?" Dean asked quietly.

Castiel slowly nodded, unable to bring himself to look up. Dean took a step closer, closing the gap separating them. Castiel's breath caught in his throat as he felt Dean touch his face.

"And you really would do anything for me?" Dean asked softly, almost in awe.

Castiel nodded, slowly looking up into Dean's piercing green eyes.

"I would do anything for you. I love you. I never want to hurt you."

Dean looked into Castiel's deep blue eyes and a small smile touched his lips.

"Always?"

Castiel felt a small twinge of hope in his gut. He nodded eagerly.

"Good," Dean said, his smile broadening as his gently stroked Castiel's cheek. Castiel closed his and turned into the affectionate touch.

Then, suddenly, the atmosphere in the room changed.

"That's what I was afraid of," A frighteningly familiar voice stated from unnervingly close by.

Castiel felt a blow come crashing into his chest that sent him flying across the warehouse into the stairwell. He landed on his back, knocking the wind out of his lungs. He managed to struggle to his feet and saw where Dean had been standing there now stood Zachariah who was looking at Castiel with sheer disgust. Castiel felt his stomach drop in terror.

"Castiel," Zachariah said as he began to slowly walk towards the stairwell. "I have to say that I am _very_ disappointed in you. First you engage in carnal relations with a traitor."

Castiel shook his head desperately, his back pressed against the stairwell wall. "No!"

"And then," Zachariah continued, ignoring the angel's pleas. "Then, you engage in a sinful relationship with your charge. And while you had the common decency to put an end to the disgusting acts you committed with him, you still carry these emotions you have for him. Emotions that have severely clouded your judgment. Emotions that have caused you to betray you brethren."

Castiel trembled fearfully, panic coursing through him.

"You don't understand," Castiel whispered desperately. "I… I love him… I will not let you hurt him!"

Zachariah shook his head sadly.

"Tsk tsk, Castiel. You seem to have forgotten your place in the grand scheme of things. You are nothing but one soldier in a vast army. Most of the time an excellent soldier, but a soldier nonetheless. You would do well to remember that."

The angel superior was coming closer and closer. Castiel knew what would befall him now that his secret was out. He knew he had to do something. Before Zachariah could react Castiel threw up his hands and shot out a blast of energy, knocking Zachariah back and sliding him across the empty floor. Castiel took advantage of the momentary distraction by dashing up the stairs before the other angel could get to his feet.

Once at the top of the stairs he looked around desperately. He shot out another blast of energy, sending beams and scaffolding crashing to the floor, creating a temporary blockade. Castiel then pulled out a small knife and spread out his wings. With a deep breath he flew over to a nearby pillar. Once there he pulled up his sleeve and drew the knife's blade deep along his arm, causing blood to come bubbling to the surface. Dipping the fingers of his other hand into the blood he began painting a symbol on the pillar, praying that he would have enough time to complete it.

"Castiel! You know this is pointless!" Zachariah's calm clear voice echoed through the building. "I suggest you put an end to this and turn yourself in. I assure you that I will be more merciful to you if you do so."

Castiel tried to block out the persistent voice. He could hear the sound of twisting metal as Zachariah came up the stairs and began moving the debris.

"Castiel, I suggest you stop what you're doing! You wouldn't want me to call the rest of the garrison down on you, would you? Share your shame with everyone."

Castiel paused in his efforts, the emotional strain exhausting him. He felt trapped. And very much alone. And he didn't know what to do.

Suddenly, he felt a blow from behind, knocking him from his perch and sending him sprawling out on the floor. He raised his head slowly as he wings disappeared back inside him as he turned to see his assailant. Ruby stood there, smiling broadly back at him, holding a metal crowbar in her hands.

"Surprise!" Ruby snickered. "Sam was such a dear and let me know they were on their way somewhere fast! I had a hunch it was to find you!"

Castiel narrowed his eyes at the demon and shot out a blast of energy, knocking her off her feet and sending her crashing into a nearby wall. She collapsed into a heap at the impact. Castiel then staggered to his feet and looked around. He could already see Zachariah almost effortlessly making his way through the debris. Castiel quickly shot out another blast of energy, sending beams and chunks of ceiling down behind him.

_I can't escape_, Castiel thought desperately as he dodged around a corner. He knew that all it would take would be for Zachariah to send out one command and the entire garrison would be there in an instant, ending all hopes of mercy. And then there was the matter of his vessel. He was already weakening from the fight so far. He knew it would be destroyed if he were taken before he had a chance to heal it.

"He went that way, Zachariah!" He heard Ruby yell.

Castiel closed his eyes and his heart sank. There was only one way out. He wouldn't let the innocent man whose body he inhabited suffer because of his mistakes. He swallowed hard.

"Send her away!" Castiel called out. "Send the demon away and I will hand myself over."

He heard Zachariah chuckle and the crash of more debris being moved.

"Very good, Castiel. I knew you'd see reason. You heard him, Demon Whore. Be gone."

Castiel heard Ruby huff in annoyance.

"I think a little more respect is in order. I was the one who told you about him in the first place _and_ I stopped him from finishing his little angel-zapping symbol."

Zachariah's tone became more menacing. "You are not already dead, Demon. That is all the respect you will ever have earned from me. Now leave, before I am forced to change my mind."

The room fell silent. Castiel knew Zachariah's words had been enough to cow the demon into submission. Castiel felt tears fill his eyes as he knew what he had to do next.

"She's gone, Castiel," Zachariah said calmly. "Now come on out so we can be done with this little game of yours. Come out and accept your fate."

Castiel screwed up every ounce of courage he had left. He thought of Dean and how desperately he wished he could at least have one last chance to say good-bye. To tell him how much he loved him. To tell him that the time he has spent with him has been the greatest gift he could ever have been given. Taking a shaky breath he stepped out from around the corner to face Zachariah.

"I'm ready," Castiel said as calmly as he could.

Zachariah looked at him sympathetically and shook his head.

"I'm afraid not," Zachariah said before reaching forward and sending out a blast of energy, knocking Castiel back into a pile of debris.

Castiel barely had time to heal his vessel before Zachariah stood over him and reached a hand towards him.

"This will hurt," He said calmly.

With a twist of his wrist Zachariah began tearing Castiel out of the vessel. Searing pain tore through Castiel, causing him to scream in agony. He couldn't help but try to fight the assault, but to no avail. Once he was torn free Zachariah shackled him and they disappeared in a bright light, leaving behind the unconscious vessel.


	4. Chapter 4

*clearing throat* Ahem! Warning: Here in this chapter there be graphic smut aplenty! Sooo… if you don't like graphic descriptions of Dean and Castiel getting hot and heavy well… why the heck have you been reading either of these stories? ; ) Hope you enjoy!

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Chapter 4

Dean lay awake in the dark motel room. He could hear Sam on the laptop, the keys clicking away as he typed. He could also hear the steady breathing of Jimmy Novak in the other bed, Castiel's former vessel.

Dean's heart sank as he thought about the idea that Castiel might not come back. He had tried to act nonchalant about it. Act like he wasn't worried. But the thought that he may never see his angel ever again… well… it was almost unbearable.

It wasn't that he didn't like Jimmy. Jimmy was a nice guy who had been pushed into an insane situation that he hadn't been nearly prepared for. Dean couldn't blame him for not wanting to be a part of it anymore. Hell, Dean was pretty sure he'd feel the same way! But even though Dean knew that Jimmy was _not_ Castiel and had his own life and family, he couldn't help but selfish want Jimmy to accept the role of being Castiel vessel forever.

He had also been incredibly frustrated at Jimmy's lack of knowledge about what Castiel had been up to. Christ, he knew _nothing_!? How could he know nothing!? How many months had Castiel been inside him? He had to know something. He had to know Castiel's thoughts… his feelings…well, if the angel had any.

Dean rolled over onto his side and tried to push down the feeling of grief he felt inside. He had to accept Castiel was gone. His wasn't coming back. Just like his mom. Just like Dad. And just like everyone else who seemed to run in and then right back out of Dean's life. It didn't matter how crazy in love Dean found himself to be with Castiel. Love wasn't going to bring him back.

He swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut, praying that sleep would hurry up and over take him.

***

_He felt Castiel before he could see him. He felt the angel gently wrap his arms around him. He felt Castiel's warm breath on his neck as he leaned in to press gentle kisses to his skin. Dean let out a content sigh._

_"Cas…" Dean whispered as he covered Castiel's hands with his own._

_"I'm here," Castiel whispered softly back to him._

_"Don't leave me again," Dean quietly pleaded._

_"Never," Castiel promised as he slid his hands under Dean's shirt._

_Dean moaned as Castiel's hands came in contact with his skin. He pressed himself back against the angel, desperately wanting more contact. He trailed one hand up Castiel's arm and tangled it into his soft dark hair. He tipped his head back and pulled his angel into a deep passionate kiss. He groaned as he felt Castiel's growing hardness pressed up against him._

_"Please, Cas… more…"Dean whispered earnestly._

_He felt Castiel smile against his mouth and he was turned so they were now facing each other. Dean quickly pulled his shirt over his head and threw it to the side. He then eagerly shoved off the coats the angel always wore and began attacking the buttons of his dress shirt. He couldn't help but be transfixed by Castiel's warm loving gaze and smoldering desire. Dean reached down and pulled Castiel into another kiss after he had finished with the last button._

_Castiel did not remain idle. He reached down and began unbuttoning Dean's jeans and then pushing them down over his hips along with his underwear. Dean moaned wantonly as he felt the cool air hit his already hot and swollen member. Refusing to be outdone, Dean attacked the front of Castiel's pants and removed them with lightening speed. Soon, both man and angel were nude, hands traveling over the newly exposed flesh._

_"Love you," Dean murmured breathlessly against Castiel's lips._

_"I love you, Dean," Castiel whispered back._

_They were soon a tangle of limbs sprawled out on a soft luxurious bed. Dean wanted to taste every inch of his angel's skin. He began licking and gently nipping at Castiel's pale skin, relishing the moans and whimpers escaping the angel's lips. He brought himself lower until he reached Castiel's swollen member. He smiled before taking its length fully into his mouth causing Castiel to cry out in pleasure. Dean drew his mouth back up, popping the head out and then ran his tongue around it teasingly._

_"Yes… Dean… please… more…" Castiel pleaded._

_It didn't take Castiel long. It had been so long since their coupling. He erupted with a strangled cry into Dean's eager mouth. Dean quickly lapped up every drop, relishing in the sweet taste. Castiel lay there panting for a moment while Dean crawled up next to him and kissed him gently. Finally, Castiel looked at Dean and grinned wickedly._

_"You're turn, Dean," Castiel said seductively._

_Dean moaned as Castiel wrapped his hand around his swollen cock. He loved how his angel knew just how he liked to be stroked, how tight to hold him, how much pressure to use. Castiel then lowered his head and began licking the head of his shaft with long sloppy licks. Dean keened with pleasure._

_"Yes… God yes… Cas… oh yes… oh God… Cas… yes… more… don't stop…" Dean moaned and pleaded._

_He needed it. He needed the release that only Castiel could ever fully give him. Only Castiel could bring him to the heights of pleasure that no other lover Dean had ever had before could do. And soon he was coming, babbling Castiel's name like a prayer…_

***

And then Dean woke up.

He could feel the wet stickiness in the front of his pants and cursed under his breath. He tried to push aside the crushing realization that it had only been a dream, one that he couldn't help but admit that he had been having with regular occurrence. Dean sat up and was relieved for once to see Sam wasn't in the room because he really didn't want to have to explain his current state. His eyes then traveled over to Jimmy's bed. And saw it was empty.

"Ah shit."


	5. Chapter 5

Hello, my loyal readers! I just wanted to post a quick warning that this chapter and really the rest of the chapters from here on out will be containing major spoilers for episodes 20, 21, and the season finale of Season 4. If you haven't seen them and don't want to be spoiled then you might want to hold off reading this!

Otherwise, read, review, and enjoy! : )

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Chapter 5

Pain.

That was all he could feel. White hot pain searing through him with each strike his punisher inflicted on him. Castiel was chained to the floor, his arms outstretched to each side. His captor struck him across the back with a long, thin rod which sliced into him causing the pain and leaves welts and cuts across his back. The blows fell on him in steady measured strikes.

_One… two… three… ten… twenty-five… fifty… two hundred…_

Castiel had lost track of how long he had been there. It could have been days… weeks… even months… But it didn't matter anymore. He prayed to his Father, begging for his forgiveness. Prayed that the end would just come… that the torment would end… He understood now a small part of what Dean had suffered while in Hell. Here, there was no hope. There was no hope of mercy. He had sinned against his Father and now he would face the consequences.

Dean…

It was crazy for him to wish with all of his heart that Dean was there with him. That Dean could somehow manage to show up and save him. Castiel knew there would be nothing Dean could do to stop any of this. In fact, it had been foolish to have contacted Dean in the first place. He could only hope no other angels had found him and that Dean and Sam had managed to take his former vessel to safety.

_Five hundred… five hundred and one… five hundred and two…_

Never ending… this would be his existence now… eternal torment… eternal suffering…

_One thousand…_

_Please, Father… please forgive me… I only wanted to protect your beloved creatures… and Dean… please forgive me… please forgive the sins I committed with him… I was wrong… I was wrong to love him that way… I should have never involved him in my transgressions… I know I am unclean before you, Father… I deserve nothing from you… I have disobeyed… but please… please… I beg You for Your mercy… please, Father…_

"That will do for now," A voice suddenly said from behind him.

The endless rain of blows ceased. Castiel slowly raised his head to see Zachariah walk in front of him. The angel stood there and studied Castiel, shaking his head.

"Castiel," Zachariah said with a sigh. "I have seen many angels stray in their actions, but I must say I never would have expected you to be one of them."

Castiel dropped his gaze and closed his eyes. He didn't want to talk. He didn't even want to think anymore. He just wanted the end.

"You have certainly strayed, my friend," Zachariah continued, ignoring Castiel's silence. "First, you develop… well… an unnatural attachment to your charge… a fondness that one should never have for a creature far beneath you as the humans are. And then you disobey for this human, betraying your brethren."

He paused and his face darkened.

"And then… you let those… _emotions_ get the better of you. You _chose_ to pursue Dean Winchester and fornicate with him. And that's after you allowed yourself to have carnal relations with that traitor, Anna."

"No…" Castiel whispered weakly, shaking his head. "I didn't…"

Zachariah let out a derisive snort. "Do not insult my intelligence, Castiel, with lies. You allowed yourself to be tempted by the sins of the flesh and in doing so dragged Dean Winchester into your sick desires. Quite frankly the whole thing disgusts me."

Castiel heard Zachariah move. He forced himself to look up to see the angel set a dagger on a nearby alter. Blue inscriptions glowed softly on the blade and handle. Castiel felt a bolt of cold terror course through him.

"Your grace should be cut out, Castiel. It is impure and you have not proven yourself worthy of it of late. You should become fallen. Be cast out of Heaven and sent to Earth. It would be arranged that you would be in a place as far from Dean Winchester as possible, never to see him ever again."

Those words were as painful as the torture Castiel had already suffered. Grief overwhelmed him and he slumped weakly against his chains, closing his eyes. Zachariah watched him for a moment before letting out an annoyed sigh.

"As much as you deserve the fate I described, Castiel, we do have a bit of a dilemma."

It took a moment for the angel's words to process. Castiel hesitantly looked up.

"And what is that?" He asked weakly.

"The problem is Dean Winchester." Zachariah shook his head in frustration. "Unfortunately for us, _you_ are the only one he seems to really listen to. You're the only one he seems to actually trust."

"Me?" Castiel asked quietly, slightly amazed.

Zachariah rolled his eyes. "Yes, you. He's been calling for you ever since we brought you here. I've tried sending him other angels as replacement. They have appeared to him in his dreams. However, these meetings have gone less than well. His words to each of them have been, and I quote, 'I have a fucking angel so back the fuck off before I kick your holy angel ass.' Your attraction to him is quite obvious when he talks that way."

For the first time since he left his vessel Castiel felt a small degree of comfort. Dean wanted _him_. He actually told the other angels that he wanted _Castiel_ and no other. Castiel had to force back the smile he felt coming.

Zachariah could still see the joy in the angel's face.

"I see that pleases you. And I'm sure you want to get back to him, however, there is work to be done and we require Dean's compliance."

He knelt down before Castiel and looked him in the eye.

"We are going to make a deal," Zachariah said calmly. "You are going to get Dean Winchester to do as we order. He will carry out his duties so that the prophecy will be completed. You will ensure this happens. In return, you will retain your grace and no one will know of your… indiscretions… they will only think you disobeyed your orders, but have since recanted."

Castiel felt a knot in his gut.

"No…" He said quietly. "No, I will not let you use Dean to bring about the Apocalypse."

Zachariah sighed impatiently.

"Sam will be the one to break the final seal, but Dean is still needed to bring it all to an end. You must ensure his compliance."

Castiel shook his head.

"No," He repeated. "No, I will not betray his trust. I would rather fall than do that to him."

Zachariah shook his head sadly.

"I was afraid you would say something like that. You are always the noble, self-sacrificing one."

He leaned forward and grabbed Castiel by the chin, forcing him to face him.

"Then heed my words, Castiel. Should you choose to not aid us you will lose your grace and be cast out of Heaven for all eternity. You will never see Dean Winchester ever again. We will also smite Dean's demon brother, Sam, and we will ensure Dean is the one to break the final seal. Then once his use is completed he will be cast back into Hell to suffer for all eternity. Is _that_ a more appealing outcome?"

Horror filled Castiel. He stared at Zachariah, dumbstruck. He couldn't believe they would do such a thing, but also knew deep down how determined the superior angel was. Castiel closed his eyes, too filled with grief to meet the other angel's gaze any longer.

_I'm sorry, Dean_.

"Yes," Castiel said quietly. "I will obey your orders."

Zachariah smiled and nodded approvingly.

"I knew you would see reason," He said, letting go of Castiel's chin and giving him a pat on the cheek. "Just remember who you serve. You serve God, not man. And you do not serve Dean Winchester."

Zachariah stood and raised his hand.

"Go. I believe your presence is needed."

***

He knew it wouldn't be difficult to convince Jimmy to allow him to use him as a vessel once more. He hadn't wanted to make the man suffer again. He also didn't want to drag a poor human child into the war that was to come. But the child was a willing and capable vessel and the demons present had to be stopped. So Jimmy called him back even after the warnings and Castiel agreed finally. He felt Jimmy rest once he was inside of him and Castiel felt even more guilt as he got up and walked away, seeing the suffering of the man's family.

He desperately tried to ignore Sam and Dean as he began to leave. He didn't want to talk. He didn't want to try to explain what had happened. The wounds he had acquired in Heaven imprinted themselves on his vessels flesh, a permanent mark of his disobedience that would pain him for all eternity. It also served to remind him of what could never be with Dean.

"Cas, hold up."

Dean's gentle words stabbed Castiel through the heart. He forced himself to turn around.

"What were you going to tell me?"

He had practiced his speech before returning, however, the words were still painful to say.

"I learned my lesson while I was away, Dean. I serve Heaven. I do not serve man." He gathered up his strength to utter the final words. "And I certainly don't serve you."

Castiel could see his words cut through Dean like a knife. He couldn't bear to see the pain in his eyes any longer. He turned and left the warehouse, his heart overflowing with grief and anguish.

Surely falling could never be as painful as this.


	6. Chapter 6

OK, this chapter took me almost two hours to write because I wanted to make sure I got the dialogue perfect from the YouTube clip I found! So be warned: If ya haven't watched Episode 21: When the Levee Breaks then you will be reading a serious spoiler for one of the scenes! Otherwise, I hope you enjoy!

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Chapter 6

Dean was angry. And hurt. And more depressed than he had been for a very long time which he honestly didn't believe was humanly possible.

That night with Castiel had hurt him. Hurt him more deeply than anything that had hurt him before. The tone of anger and almost disgust in Castiel's voice had cut through him like a knife, leaving no question of what he thought of Dean and of how things were now going to be.

Dean closed his eyes as he listened to Sam's screams from Bobby's basement. He had never felt so alone in his whole life. Sam… well… Dean didn't even know who Sam was anymore. Christ, what was he thinking, believing that drinking damn demon blood was a _good_ thing?! And now Dean was pretty damn sure Sam hated his guts and that he'd never forgive him for doing this to him. And while Bobby was always a good and trusted friend… he wasn't Sam…

And Castiel…

Dean felt tears sting the back of his eyelids and he rubbed his face furiously, trying to will them away.

He hated Castiel right now. He knew it was foolish for him to feel that way, especially since he knew deep down that the reason Castiel had been taken away was because of the things he had done to help Dean. But he hated him just the same. He hated the way the angel made him feel. He hated the looks Castiel gave him. Well… used to give him. He hated the false hope that Castiel had given him by his presence, that somehow everything was going to be OK now that they had the angels on their side. Now that whole thing looked like a big pile of shit.

But most of all… Dean hated himself. He hated himself for getting so attached to the damn angel. He hated the feels brewing inside of him that he didn't understand. He hated himself for ever secretly admitting to himself that he was in love with Castiel. He hated himself for being so naïve and stupid. He hated the dreams he let himself have of making love with Castiel.

Another one of Sam's agonized screams cut through the air, jarring Dean from his self-loathing. He sat up from the couch and buried his face in his hands.

_What the fuck am I going to do?_ He thought desperately to himself. _I can't do this alone. And Bobby doesn't know what to do. So what do I do?_

Dean's stomach knotted as he listened to Sam scream again. He covered his ears with his hands, desperately trying to block out the sound.

He needed help. Badly. And each one of Sam's screams was like a blow to the gut, reminding him of how much he had failed Sam. He couldn't take it anymore.

He knew who he'd have to ask, as much as he didn't want to. But it was either him or some other asshole angel and Dean really was up for dealing with someone else. Because whether or not he was pissed at him the fact remained Castiel was _his_ angel.

Well… he used to be…

***

Castiel closed his eyes, his heart breaking with every yell coming from Dean's throat.

Dean was angry. _Very_ angry. He could hear it in his voice and see it on his face, even though Dean couldn't see him.

He had wished Dean would just give up. Would turn around and go back inside so that he wouldn't have to talk with him. Truthfully, he should have known better. With what had happened with Sam Castiel knew Dean was being backed into a corner and that the man would fight with everything left in him. Even if he was angry at Castiel, Dean still would rely on him for help if it was really needed.

Castiel wanted to. He desperately wanted to help with every fiber of his being. He wanted to take Dean in his arms and assure him that all would be well. Then he'd go and smite that little whore of a demon who had betrayed him so that she'd no longer be a problem. He'd make sure Sam simply slept through his detox and not suffer the way he had been.

That's what he wanted to do. Too bad he had orders to do everything _but_ that.

He went to Dean, reluctantly. Up close Castiel could see the lines of fatigue in Dean's face. He could hear the raw hoarseness in his voice after hours of screaming into the cold night.

"It's about time," Dean said, obviously tired and annoyed. "I've been screaming myself hoarse out here for two and a half hours now!"

Castiel forced himself to push down his feelings.

"What do you want?" He asked solemnly, walking towards Dean.

"Well, you can start with what the hell happened in Illinois," Dean quipped back.

Castiel felt a bolt of fear shoot through him, but he shoved it aside. "What do you mean?" He tried to appear unconcerned by Dean's words.

"Cut the crap," Dean growled back. "You were going to tell me something!"

_I was going to tell you the truth. I was going to tell you about Anna and Utah and how much I love you and how you showed me pleasures far beyond anything I had ever experienced before…_

"Nothing of important," Castiel replied softly, averting his gaze as he said it, not wanting to see Dean's face.

Dean stared at him incredulously. "You got ass-reamed in Heaven, and it was not of important-?!"

Castiel felt another jolt of fear and shame course through him at Dean's words. The wounds on his back flared with pain, a reminder of his punishment. He shot Dean a desperate look. "Dean, I _can't_," Castiel said with quiet earnest.

Dean stared at him and Castiel could see in his green eyes that he was desperately trying to understand, trying to figure just what had happened. Castiel looked away, not wanting Dean to see the shame and guilt.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Castiel said quietly, praying Dean would know just how much he meant it. He began walking away in order to gather back up what courage he had left. He took a deep breath before quickly shifting the subject and taking on a more authoritative tone. "Get to the reason you really called me. It's about Sam, right?"

He stood with his back to Dean. His vessel's heart pounded in his ribcage and fearfully wondered for a few seconds if Dean was even going to answer him. His eyes darted nervously as he wondered what he was going to do if he had to call Dean back. Thankfully, it didn't come to that.

"Can he do it?" Dean asked. "Kill Lillith? Stop the Apocalypse?"

"Possibly, yes," Castiel replied, now back on familiar footing. Zachariah had been sure to instruct Castiel on every word he would have to say. He turned to face Dean, his tone becoming serious despite his best efforts. "As you know, he'd have to take certain steps."

Dean nodded a small bitter smile on his lips. "Crank up the hell-blood regime."

"Consuming the amount of blood it would take to kill Lillith would change your brother forever. Most likely… he would become the next creature you would feel compelled to kill."

Castiel wondered if Dean would be able to see through this act. Would be able to see that the angel was putting on a front. Dean, however, was too upset to notice. Zachariah's script was having the exact effect on Dean that the superior angel had said it would. Castiel pressed on; nervous he would lose his courage.

"There is no reason this would have to come to pass, Dean," He continued, his tone more gentle. He began moving toward the hunter. "We believe it's you, Dean, not your brother."

He could see Dean start at his words. He moved closer, but not too close despite everything he wanted. He had to stay focused. He had to repeat the awful half-truths he was told he must tell.

"The only question for us is whether you are willing to accept it."

Dean looked hesitant, as if he wasn't sure what to make of what Castiel was saying. Castiel looked him in the eye.

"Stand up and accept your role," He said determinedly. "You are the one who will stop it."

The angel and man looked at each other for a moment. Castiel could feel the mask slipping. He was afraid. Afraid that Dean believed him. Believed the scripted half-truths that Castiel had told him. He wanted Dean to tell him he was a lying bastard. That he knew that there were other ways to save Sam. That he wanted no part in this war.

But he knew Dean was suffering. Was suffering under the guilt that his original role in the Apocalypse bore on him. Was suffering as he watched his little brother scream under the agony of detox. Suffering with guilt that he wasn't the man he felt his father wanted him to be. Castiel knew Dean wanted to be a hero. And Dean wanted to hear his angel say it.

"If I do this… Sammy doesn't have to?" Dean asked with quiet desperation.

Castiel looked at Dean, wishing he could tell the truth. "If it gives you comfort to see it that way," He let slip.

Dean let out a bitter chuckle and shook his head in amazement.

"You're a dick these days," He said bitterly, walking away.

Dean's words struck Castiel in the heart and tore it to shreds. He forced himself to stand straight and appear unaffected despite his grief. This was torture of the most heinous in nature. He was allowing the man he loved more than anything to suffer and only adding to his grief. It was wrong. It was so wrong. But what choice did he have?

After a long pause he heard Dean take a deep breath.

"Fine I'm in."

_No… please no, Dean…_

"Do you give yourself over wholly to the service of God and His angels?"

"Yeah, exactly."

"Say it."

He watched Dean turn and look at him, confused. Castiel wanted to fall to his feet and beg him not to. He wanted to run. He wanted all of this to end. But He instead forced himself to fix his gaze on Dean, but he knew his face was betraying him. But he also knew it was too late.

"I give myself over wholly to serve God and you guys," Dean said firmly as he walked back over to face Castiel directly.

"Do you swear to follow His will and His word as swiftly and obediently as you did your own father's," Castiel continued slightly rushed, afraid that his own will to continue would collapse.

"Yes, I swear," Dean replied.

_I'm sorry, Dean… I'm so sorry… I'm sorry for this… I'm sorry I cannot protect you…_

"Now what?" Dean asked.

"Now you wait. And we call on you when it's time."

Castiel met Dean's gaze until the young hunter dropped his head, obviously exhausted. Castiel dropped his as well. He hadn't wanted this. He despised Zachariah at that moment for knowing just how to manipulate Dean. Castiel turned to leave, not being able to bear being in Dean's presence any longer.

"Cas, wait."

Castiel froze. He swallowed hard, not able to bring himself to turn around.

"What is it, Dean?"

"There's… there's something else I want to ask you."

"Yes?" Castiel was sure Dean could hear his vessel's heart as it felt like it was ready to explode from his chest.

"The last few months… I don't know how to explain it… but I… I feel like something's been missing… like I'm supposed to remember something that happened, but I can't. Do you know anything about it?"

Castiel thought he was going to physically collapse from the anguish he was feeling. He swallowed hard, barely able to choke out a response. "I… I have no idea… Dean, I have to go…"

"Not yet," Dean replied almost impatiently. He reached out and grabbed Castiel by the coat sleeve and forced him to turn to face him. "It's something about you… I know that much… but I can't remember what. You're telling me you have no idea?"

Castiel looked at Dean. He could see the confusion in his face. Castiel wanted to him in his arms, to feel the warm and gentle comfort Dean had given him so freely that night in Utah. He wanted to have one more kiss, something that would give him some assurance that Dean somehow still loved him, would always love him.

"I'm sorry. I don't know," Castiel replied quietly.

He quickly pulled away from Dean's grasp and walked away. He didn't stop or turn around despite hearing Dean call his name. A tear slipped down his cheek as he disappeared into the night.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"I was wondering when you were finally going to show up."

Castiel couldn't help but flinch. He studied the slight man who was looking up at him from his computer. Prophets were notoriously odd individuals and Chuck the Prophet proved to be no exception. Castiel could only guess how many drinks the man had consumed prior to his arrival. Not to mention Chuck's disheveled appearance and dark circles under his eyes gave away his lack of sleep.

And yet, despite his appearance, Chuck had proven himself a powerful ally for the Winchesters, willing (although reluctantly) to go along with Dean's plan to save Sam from Lillith and had since accepted his role as a prophet. The man had also proven himself to be compassionate and eager to use his gift to help in whatever way he could. Of course, Zachariah prevented him from helping the Winchesters outright, but his heart was still in the right place.

Castiel met Chuck's gaze, trying to mask his feelings.

"Hello, Chuck," Castiel said quietly.

Chuck sighed. "Hello, Castiel. But, seriously? Is it really necessary to act all… formal? I know why you're really here so how about we just get to the point. Because, trust me, it's not exactly a conversation I'm real comfortable having with an angel."

Castiel tensed and could see how uncomfortable Chuck was as well. "How much do you know?"

Chuck closed his eyes and sighed. He opened them and reached over for his glass of whiskey that was sitting nearby and took a swig before speaking.

"Well… I know about Anna… and the seal in Utah… and… what you and Dean did in Utah… and… well… everything that's happened after," Chuck replied nervously.

Castiel nodded, guilt twisting in his gut. He began walking over to where Chuck sat. "Did you write any of it?" He asked quietly.

"What…? No! No, are you nuts!? It'd be bad enough if the other angels found it, but then if Sam or Dean got their hands on it? I think Dean would kill me on the spot!"

Castiel swallowed hard and averted his gaze. "Thank you."

Chuck narrowed his eyes at him. "Hey, don't be thanking me! Personally, I think what you did was a pretty douche-bag move!"

Castiel looked up at him sharply. "Excuse me?"

Chuck sat up straighter in his seat. "You heard me! I mean, seriously, you never even gave Dean a choice in it! You just decided to take away his memory and act like nothing ever happened! Don't you think he would have liked to have a say in what you did to his memory?"

Castiel swallowed hard. "Dean wouldn't have understood…"

Chuck let out snort. "Please! Dean would have understood! He can be a real dick, but he's not an idiot! He loves you and he would do anything to protect you. Well… actually, right now he's pretty pissed off at you because of what you said in Illinois… which, again, was a real douche-bag thing to say."

Castiel felt a need to defend himself. "You don't understand. I _had_ to say those things-"

Chuck held up a hand. "I know! I know! I know what they did to you and I know the deal Zachariah made with you. But Dean still deserved to know the truth. I mean, what are you going to do if he finds out? You know how pissed off he's going to be, especially now."

The angel let out a weary sigh and sat down in a nearby chair. "I… I don't know… I don't know what to do."

Chuck looked at Castiel silently for minute, sympathy written in his eyes.

"I know… I know Zach and the other angels have made all of this a mess for you… and… and it's a little weird that you two hooked up anyway cuz… well… I mean… you're both guys and you're an angel and Dean really has never been gay before…"

The man stopped at the scathing look Castiel shot him.

"I… uh… what I mean to say… I know this sucks… but you two can work it out… somehow…"

"It cannot work out."

"Why not? You love him and he loves you. What about… you know… true love and all that crap?"

"Maybe for humans things are that simple, but angels are not meant to experience such emotions."

"Yeah, well, I didn't think angels were supposed to show up and scare the crap out of the prophets either."

Castiel studied Chuck carefully for a moment.

"You do not appear afraid now despite the candid words you spoke."

Chuck shrugged. "What's the point? Nothing can hurt me. Stupid archangel keeps showing up to prevent that. Besides, you're not like the other angels. You actually give a shit about what happens to us. Well… you did anyway."

The man met the angel's gaze. They both knew the unspoken truth they weighed down both of them. Suddenly, Castiel heard a command from Zachariah from afar.

_It is time. Release the demon boy._

Castiel closed his eyes and his stomach sank. Chuck looked at him sadly, knowing the message he had just received and powerless to anything to help.

"I have to go," Castiel said quietly, rising to his feet.

Chuck nodded, his head hung dejectedly. "I know."

Castiel started walking away, but stopped and turned for a moment.

"I… I'm sorry."

Chuck swallowed hard. "I know."

Castiel reluctantly disappeared into the night, his mission his new priority.

***

I know this is short, but, darn it all, I wanted a scene with Chuck because that man is so awesome and funny and I wanted him and Cas to have a chance to sit down for at least a quick chat!

My plan is to post one more chapter before I turn in for the night so I'm gonna take a quick break and get back to work soon! : )


	8. Chapter 8

OK! OK! I know I said I was going to post this way earlier, however, when I was writing this originally about halfway through I realized that I wanted to have a whole different chapter before it. *sigh* So it was already late so I called it quits, and then I worked the next two nights, leaving me zero writing time. But here it is! I hope it was worth the wait!

WARNING: Major spoilers for season finale, Lucifer Rising! Don't read if you don't want to be spoiled!

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Chapter 8

Castiel sat in a chair outside of the room holding Dean, dejected. His last conversation with the hunter had been more than painful. Dean's words had broken his heart.

Zachariah had taken Dean from Bobby's and was now holding him in the angel's "green room." Castiel had felt foolish while Zachariah had talked to Dean, offering him anything the young man could ever want. Castiel knew that the offer of the two women had been a slight against him, something to mock him with, even though the angel had no idea who those women were. He had been relieved, though, when Dean had turned him down. He already hated himself for the things he had done, and the thought of being forced to watch Dean with two other women was more than he could bear.

Still, Castiel knew Dean was angry with him. He had hoped beyond hope that Dean wouldn't ask to see Sam, that seeing Sam would be the last thing on his mind, but then, this was Dean Winchester. And the only thing Dean Winchester ever worried about was Sam Winchester, even if said Winchester had just tried to kill him only hours previously. And that's what he had asked for. He hadn't wanted to say no. Not after everything that had happened, but he couldn't. Zachariah had made that point perfectly clear. So Castiel had done as he had been commanded, removing all the exits to prevent Dean's escape.

Then he heard Dean's conversation with Zachariah. He heard the truth about what Dean's destiny really was. Heard the master plan, in its entirety, for the first time. Castiel felt as though his world was spinning out of control. Everything he had been told… all the work he had done… nothing had been true… he had been betrayed.

And his Father… Zachariah said his Father was gone.

Castiel waited for Zachariah after he had finished talking to Dean. The superior angel could see by Castiel's face he had heard the truth.

"Something wrong, Castiel?"

Castiel stared at him, his eyes filled with unmasked grief. "Is it true? What you told Dean? Has that been the plan all along?"

Zachariah met his gaze, his composure never fluster. "Yes, Castiel. Yes, the plan has been for the Apocalypse to come to pass."

Castiel shook his head in shock. "But… I don't understand…"

Zachariah narrowed his eyes. "You are not meant to understand, Castiel. Again, you forget your place. You are a soldier. Your job is to carry out orders, not to understand them. You had no reason to know what was going on."

"But you said…"

Zachariah took a step closer.

"And what does it matter to you, anyway? I thought you would be happy for Dean and for what awaits him. He will have everlasting peace. The torment he has suffered all these years and his suffering in Hell will be all forgotten. Isn't that what you want for him? You say you _love_ him, so shouldn't you want him to be at peace?"

Castiel swallowed hard. "But… Sam…"

Zachariah sighed. "There must be sacrifices in order to achieve the greater good. Sam will be sacrificed, but, in the end, Dean will learn to accept it. And then the time will come he will be at peace with it. After all, he will be too busy enjoying his rewards for all he has done." Zachariah paused and smirked at Castiel. "Although, I suppose that means you will be forgotten as well. I mean, once this is all over you will return to your regular duties as your services with Dean will no longer be necessary. And Dean will have all the lovely women he could ever ask for laying themselves at his feet. Oh, I suppose he may still remember you in some capacity. He'll remember some courageous angel who pulled him from the bowels of Hell… but… oh what was his name…?"

Castiel felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. His gaze fell and Zachariah's grin broadened.

"I think you understand now, Castiel." He turned and walked away, but called over his shoulder, "Please continue to make sure Dean behaves himself."

All the hurt, all the anger, all the self-loathing welled up inside of Castiel. He closed his eyes and balled up his fists as the grief coursed through him.

Zachariah was right. Dean would be better off this way. No more pain. No more suffering. Dean could finally have the peace that he had been longing for all these years. And he wouldn't need Castiel anymore. Castiel would be forgotten, just like Zachariah said.

He decided to go talk to Dean. He wasn't sure what he was going to say, but he had to do something, even if it meant bringing an end to all of it.

***

"Try to understand, this has been long foretold! This is you-"

"Destiny?! Don't give me that holy crap. Destiny… God's Plan… it's all a bunch of lies, you poor stupid son of a bitch! It's just a way for your bosses to keep me and keep you in line!" Dean looked at Castiel earnestly. "You know what's real? _People. Families. That's_ real! And you're going to watch them all burn!?"

Castiel felt the hurt and desperation rising inside of him. He was tired. So tired of it all.

"What is so worth saving?" He demanded. "I see nothing but pain here! I see inside _you_. I see your guilt. Your anger. Confusion. In Paradise, all is forgiven. You'll be at peace! Even with Sam."

He wanted to say more. He wanted to say how much he wanted to see Dean at peace. He wanted to put an end to Dean's suffering. He wanted to tell him how much he loved him and how he was doing this because he loved him.

But he couldn't. And it was destroying him inside.

Castiel averted his gaze, not wanting to see Dean's face anymore. But Dean leaned in, forcing the angel to look up.

"You can take your peace," Dean said quietly, but firmly, "And shove it up your lily-white ass. Because I'll take the pain. The guilt. I'll even take Sam as is. It's a lot better than being some Stepford bitch in Paradise!"

Castiel felt his stomach knot and he quickly turned and began walking away. He didn't want to hear anymore.

"This is simple, Cas! No more crap about being a good soldier! There is a right and a there's a wrong here and you know it!"

Castiel didn't want to turn around. This wasn't going how he had hoped, although he knew the chances of Dean accepting the situation were slim. He suddenly felt Dean grab his shoulder and spin him around.

"Look at me!" Dean yelled. "You know it!"

Castiel could see the desperation on Dean's face. He had never felt so confused before. Everything inside him was warring with each other. Everything he had ever known versus the words Dean was saying to him.

"You were going to help me once, weren't you?"

A wave of panic rushed through him and he quickly looked away, but to no avail.

"You were going to warn me about all this before they dragged you away back to Bible Camp. Help me. Now. _Please_."

Dean's words hit far too uncomfortably close to Castiel's deeply guarded secret. He couldn't bring himself to look Dean in the eye.

"What would you have me do?" Castiel asked hoarsely.

Dean seized on his words. "Get me to Sam! We can stop all this before it's too late!"

He wanted to. Every fiber of his being wanted to say "yes" and help. But the knowledge of what would happen was too terrifying.

"I do that, we will _all_ be hunted! We'll all be killed!"

Castiel looked Dean in the eye with those words, praying that Dean would back down at that.

He should have known better.

"If there's anything worth dying for… this is it."

Castiel couldn't keep the anguish from filling his eyes. He couldn't. He wouldn't let Dean throw away his life in some wasted effort. It didn't matter if Dean didn't understand it now, but Castiel loved him too much to watch him die. He slowly shook his head and dropped his gaze. He could feel Dean's anger begin to roll of him in waves.

"You _spineless… soulless… son of a bitch_! What do you care about dying? You're already dead! We're done," Dean spat at as he walked away in disgust.

His words cut through the angel like a knife. Castiel struggled to keep his composure.

"Dean-" He whispered quietly, desperately.

"We're _done_," Dean snapped back.

Castiel dropped his head and left. Once outside the room he collapsed to the floor and buried his head in his hands. _Done_. Dean had said that they were done. And in his heart Castiel knew it was the truth. There was no way Dean would ever forgive him for everything he had done. He hated him. Wanted nothing more to do with him.

_It's better this way. He just doesn't know it yet. This is his chance to be at peace. His suffering can finally end! He will truly be the hero that everyone knows him to be. He will finally receive his just dues._

But at what cost? He thought of Sam and the manipulation he was enduring. He had always liked Sam, despite the demon blood. He had always been amazed at his unfaltering loyalty to Dean, well, when the demon blood wasn't an issue. And back in Utah Sam had known the truth about him and Dean… and it didn't disgust him. And Sam was a hero too. He was only acting because of what Lillith had done to Dean and the misguided notion that destroying Lillith would stop the Apocalypse.

But now… Sam would die… would most likely become Lucifer's vessel… and Dean would be forced to kill his brother in order to bring the Apocalypse to an end. Sam did not deserve such a fate. And Dean should not have to kill his one last family member. They deserved to be together in this fight.

He knew what he had to do… he was just so frightened to have to do it. He knew what was at stake. Sam and Dean's death were not fully ensured as they would both be needed eventually to bring the Apocalypse to an end. Dean would only comply for Sam.

But Castiel knew his own well-being was not needed. He would fall. Once they caught him he would be tortured and his grace removed. He would never see Dean again.

So be it.

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You know how much I love reviews! Let me know what you think! I will post the next chapter ASAP!

Thanks for reading! : )


	9. Chapter 9

OK, my loyal readers! Let it be known here and now that there are MAJOR SPOILERS in this chapter for the season finale, Lucifer Rising! I think that says it all, so let's get right to it! : )

Chapter 9

The light was blinding. It swirled around the floor and shot up into the air in a large beam that seemed to disintegrate the ceiling. Dean clutched Sam's arm, terror coursing through him.

_No. No. This can't be happening. This can't really be happening. Oh, God, please let this not really be happening. We were supposed to stop this!_

Dean looked at Sam and could see the anguish and terror on his face. He looked back and the light was growing larger and brighter. Suddenly, Dean felt a moment of clarity. They had to get out. They had to get out _now_. He grabbed Sam and forced him to look at him.

"RUN! RUN NOW!" Dean yelled.

He started pulling Sam with all of his strength and was relieved when he actually felt Sam begin to move with him. He dragged Sam out of the room and down the hallway. Soon, he could feel Sam begin to run on his own accord and together they tore out of church which was now shaking under their feet. Once outside Sam pointed to the car sitting there and they ran to in and dove in, Dean in the driver's seat. He ripped the keys out of Sam's trembling fingers and after fumbling for a moment he managed to get the key in the ignition and the car roared to life. He shifted it into gear and sped away from the church, too terrified to look back.

Neither man spoke. Both were pale with terror and gasping for air. Dean gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles white from the force. Sam was hunched over, his face buried in his hands, his body shaking with sobs. Dean wanted to say something. He wanted to tell Sam everything was going to be OK. That he would handle it.

But, oh God, things were _not_ OK.

Dean stared ahead at the road. He half expected to see demons come flying out from all directions. Monsters start crawling across the road. He was waiting to see the Hell he had come to know during his time in the Pit. It was something he had prayed Sam would never see, but now it was upon them.

But the road remained deserted. They would occasionally pass another vehicle, its occupants seemingly unaware that the Apocalypse was just down the road a few miles back. The world didn't explode into flames. Locusts didn't start raining down from the sky. The skies didn't go black.

Everything felt… normal.

And that scared the crap out of Dean even more.

Suddenly, Sam reached over and grabbed Dean's leg.

"Pull over," Sam croaked out.

Dean glanced at him in shock. "What? Dude, no!"

"Pull over!" Sam moaned, grabbing his stomach. "I'm gonna be sick…"

Dean slammed on the brakes and pulled over. Sam swung open his door and leaned out, retching his stomach contents onto the ground. Dean could barely breathe and felt like he was going to be sick too. He couldn't bring himself to let go of the steering wheel, he needed to hang on to something. Finally, Sam came back inside the car and shut the door, panting for air. Dean didn't say anything, just took off back down the road.

_What are we going to do? Where are we going to go? What the hell is going to happen? Where's Castiel?_

Dean's stomach knotted as he thought of Castiel. The last he had seen of him was at Chuck's house, right as the archangel was approaching. Castiel had sent him away to try and save Sam while he delayed the archangel and the others that were coming. Dean knew in his gut that Castiel was horribly outmatched in that fight. There was no way he could win. And then there was Zachariah. What was he going to do to him since he betrayed them?

He thought back to their time in Zachariah's "green room." He thought about the things he had said which he was kicking himself for now. God, he had been such a dick. Castiel hadn't deserved his harsh words, but he had been too angry at the time to care.

But the Castiel came back. He came back despite the cruel, hurtful words Dean spat at him. He came back and risked everything to set Dean free in order to save Sam and stop the Apocalypse.

But that last part hadn't gone so well.

Dean swallowed down the bile he could feel rising in his throat. Castiel couldn't be gone. He couldn't be. He needed him desperately, now more than ever. He had no idea how to stop Lucifer. Christ, it's not like he had sitting around, planning that little detail out! And now he had to take care of Sam too, although he knew all too well how his little brother was feeling.

_God, what do we do? God, please, what do we do!?_

Suddenly, a guitar rift cut through the silence in the car, causing both Dean and Sam to nearly jump out of their seats. Trying to calm himself, Dean fumbled through his pockets with a trembling hand and pulled out his cell phone. To his utter amazement he saw Bobby's number on the screen. He opened his phone and put it to his ear.

"Hello?" Dean croaked out.

"Dean!? Where the hell have you been, boy!?! One minute you're there and then the next second you disappeared! What the hell is going on!?" Bobby's voiced yelled across the line.

Dean's throat tightened at the familiar voice. He swallowed hard, but the tears began to fall anyways.

"Bobby," Dean whispered. "Thank God. Thank God, it's you."

"Dean? What's wrong? What the hell happened?"

Dean shook his head despite knowing Bobby couldn't see him.

"Bobby… it's happening… the seals… the angels… Ruby… everything was a fucking set up… that fucking angel, Zachariah… he wanted all the seals to break…"

There was a stunned silence on the other end of the line.

"Oh shit… do you mean…?"

"The last seal broke… Lucifer's out."

"Oh my God," Bobby gasped. "What about Sam? Have you found him?"

"He's here… I have him… we got away in time…"

He heard Bobby swearing under his breath and fumbling for something. He heard another noise in the background and Bobby went silent for a moment.

"Dean… are you sure?"

Dean took the phone away from his ear and looked at it like there was something wrong with it. He put it back to his ear.

"Excuse me?"

"Are you sure Lucifer got out?"

"You're kidding me. Yeah, you're right. The fact that Lillith's blood formed a perfect circle and then some big-ass beam of light came shooting out of it and then the whole place started shaking like it was going to come down on us… yeah, maybe it was all a figment of our imagination!" Dean yelled furiously.

Even Sam looked up at that point and shot Dean a look of, _what the fuck?_

"Well I'm sorry, but I have the TV and there's nothing going on here. Nothing new anyway. Just the same crap they always have on."

Dean's stomach tightened. "Wait… so… there are no signs of the Apocalypse on the TV?"

Sam looked at Dean dumbfounded.

"Not a thing."

"What the hell does that mean, Bobby?"

"I have no idea... Dean, where are you?"

"I… I don't know… Castiel sent me here…" Dean looked over at Sam. "Sammy, where are we?"

Sam swallowed hard, desperately trying to fight down his panic. "M-Maryland…" He stammered. "Ilchester, Maryland."

"Maryland," Dean repeated to Bobby.

"Christ. OK, just get both your asses back here ASAP, alright? I'll try to find something to help us. Just keep me updated, alright."

"We will… thanks, Bobby…"

"You're welcome, son. Just hang in there. We'll figure this out somehow."

Dean swallowed hard and fresh tears filled his eyes. Bobby was amazing. It didn't matter what kind of mess they managed to land themselves in. Bobby was always there to help bail them out, and never once does he say there's no hope.

"Thanks, Bobby."

He hung up the phone and let out a shuddering breath.

"We're heading to Bobby's," Dean said more confidently then he felt. "We're gonna try to get there as fast as we can."

"Did Bobby say there's nothing on TV yet? That nothing's happened?" Sam asked, confused.

Dean tried to moisten his lips with his dried tongue. "Yeah… yeah that's what he said."

"Dean, what does that mean?"

Dean shook his head. "I don't know."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Castiel stood with Chuck, watching the light of the archangel grow brighter. The house around them trembled as it approached. He felt Chuck put his hand on his shoulder and he couldn't help but shoot him a look that caused the man to withdraw it.

He didn't want comfort. He deserved no comfort.

He had set Dean free. Had disobeyed Zachariah's orders and sent Dean to try and save Sam. He didn't know if it was too late. He prayed that it wasn't. But he could stand here and try to buy Dean as much time as he could. It was suicide. Castiel was well aware of that fact. Zachariah and the other angels would not stand by and allow him to go unpunished. Not this time. But he didn't care anymore.

He thought of Dean as the archangel drew closer. Thought of how warm he had felt in Castiel's arms as the angel pinned him against the wall. How soft his lips felt under Castiel's hand. How he wanted nothing more than to kiss Dean on those lips and confess everything to him. Confess all his secrets and beg for Dean's forgiveness…

But that was all over now. When he had touched Dean's head to send him to Sam he knew it would be the last time he would ever see the hunter again. It was time to answer for his sins.

The archangel appeared in the room carrying a long sword in his right hand. He was tall with dark hair and dark eyes. He was dressed in a long robe and he radiated a brilliant light that caused Chuck to squint and shield his eyes. Castiel stood tall and faced the archangel.

"Simiel," Castiel said quietly.

Simiel looked at Castiel, his face unreadable in a stoic mask.

"Where is Dean Winchester?" Simiel demanded calmly.

Castiel shook his head. "He's not here."

"What have you done with him?"

"I sent him away. To be with his brother as it should be."

Simiel narrowed his eyes. "Do not presume to know how things should be, Castiel. You are only a soldier of the Lord, nothing more."

"I know what Zachariah has allowed to transpire is wrong and I will no longer stand by and do nothing," Castiel retorted determinedly.

The archangel glared at him and raised his empty hand. He shot out a blast of energy, slamming Castiel against the wall with a crash and pinning him in place. Chuck let out a yelp of fear and dove behind a chair. Simiel ignored him and walked over to Castiel, looking him over carefully. He then delivered a hard blow to Castiel's rib cage, the sound of the ribs cracking echoed in the otherwise now-silent room. Castiel grunted with pain and Simiel punched him in the face, knocking his head to one side.

"Follow your orders, Castiel," Simiel growled furiously. "Tell me where Dean Winchester is and I will be merciful and end this quickly for you."

Castiel's head lolled to one side as he looked at Simiel.

"I would rather _die_ than betray Dean Winchester again," Castiel gasped out. His determined eyes locked on the archangel's face. "Do as you like, but I will not tell you."

Simiel growled furiously. He then reached into his robe and pulled out a small dagger inscribed with glowing blue markings. He held it up before Castiel's face as he delivered another blow to Castiel's side.

"Do you know what this is?" Simiel demanded, pressing the blade into the angel's cheek.

A flash of fear shot through Castiel, but he forced it aside. "Yes."

"You have sinned greatly, Castiel. You have developed emotions. You value the life of a _human_ above that of your brethren. You have betrayed the orders of our Father and have desecrated the prophecy that has been long foretold. You betrayed your leader, Zachariah. And I am sure you have done more that I have not been told of. You should be destroyed already, but Zachariah insisted that I give you a chance to repent. Admit your wrongdoings and tell me where Dean Winchester is. Do so and I will spare your grace and let you die with it intact. Remain silent and I will cut it out of you with this blade and allow you to die without it. You die slowly… painfully… and you will suffer immensely… and there will be no one to save you… so tell me, Castiel, is that what you really want? To die with dishonor and shame?"

Castiel swallowed hard. He closed his eyes and could feel his vessel's heart pound in his chest. The thought of losing his grace… of falling… terrified him. But the thought of hurting Dean… _again_… No. Castiel slowly opened his eyes and met Simiel's gaze.

"I would rather die painfully and slowly at your hand," Castiel said quietly, "Knowing that I did everything in my powers to stop this atrocity, than die quickly knowing I betrayed the one person who has meant more to me than anything before."

The room fell completely silent. Chuck peeked out from behind his chair, his eyes wide from hearing Castiel's words. Simiel looked at Castiel solemnly as if waiting for him to change his mind. Castiel didn't avert his gaze. He didn't try to struggle. Finally, Simiel nodded slowly.

"So be it."

He raised the dagger in the air and began to chant.

"_Vos es haud diutius dignus vestri venia. Vos proditor vestri brethren quod nostrum Abbas. EGO aufero vestri venia iussu Zachariah. May vos peto venia pro vestri sins quod may nostrum Abbas have misericordia super vos, Castiel…_"

Castiel couldn't help but close his eyes. His breath hitched in his throat as he tensed, bracing himself for what was coming.

Then he heard a cheer.

He heard every angel in the heavens cry out, some with cheers of sheer joy, others in horror. Their cries echoed in Castiel's mind and his heart sunk as he realized what that meant.

Lucifer has been freed.

He felt blade press against his gut and Simiel tense behind it, obviously reacting to the cries of their brethren.

"Hey!"

Castiel's eyes flew open and even Simiel turned to see Chuck had jumped up to his feet.

"Hey! I'm gonna go run into the road and get hit by a Mack truck! Try and stop me!" He yelled and then took off and bolted out the front door before either stunned angel could respond.

Simiel was obviously startled and he moved to go after his charge…

And the edge of the blade sliced a thin line across Castiel's stomach, sending blood trickling out and blooding the white dress shirt he was wearing.

There was no pain at first, just a slight sting. Castiel looked down and his eyes widened when he saw the wound. It wasn't very large or deep. But it was enough. Enough to complete the incantation Simiel had spoke.

Simiel released his hold on the angel and Castiel collapsed to the floor in a heap. And then the pain shot through him, causing him to cry out weakly and him tried to slow the bleeding by wrapping his arm over the wound. Simiel watched him on the floor, his face devoid of emotion.

"I'm sorry it had to end this way, Castiel," He said quietly and disappeared.

The room was empty and silent. Castiel let out a painful whimper as he looked down at his wound. He could see now that mixed with the blood there were small streaks of a bluish glowing light. His grace. He watched desperately as it slowly seeped away into a puddle on the floor where the light flickered and then went dark. His body throbbed with pain, pain he had never even conceived of before. He struggled to breathe and tried to think. Deep inside of him he still had the desire to survive. The desire to keep fighting.

Dean. He had to find Dean.

He closed his eyes and tried to focus despite the pain. To his amazement he was able to have a vision of Dean with Sam. They were in a car driving somewhere. They were both alive.

Castiel took a deep breath and unfurled his wings with great difficulty. He might have enough of his grace to reach Dean. He had to try. He had to see Dean one last time. Even if it was to say good-bye.

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Translation of the Latin: You are no longer worthy of your grace. You betrayed your brethren and our Father. I remove your grace by order of Zachariah. May you seek forgiveness for your sins and may our Father have mercy upon you, Castiel.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Dean and Sam sat quietly on the motel room beds staring at the TV, their food sitting next to each of them, half eaten. They were watching CNN in which the news anchor was talking about the latest celebrity dalliances. Outside there was a rainstorm going on. They could hear the thunder and see the lightening flicker in the windows.

Dean hadn't wanted to stop driving. He was prepared to drive all day every day until they reached Bobby's, but Sam had insisted neither one of them was in any shape to drive that far without any rest. So they found a motel and warded the room with every spell and incantation they could think of as well as extra salt lines and holy water.

But nothing was happening.

"Um… Dean?" Sam finally asked quietly.

"Yeah, Sam?"

"Nothing's happening."

Dean shot him a look. "Thank you, Captain Obvious."

"But… we saw it… we saw Lillith die… and the blood… and the light…"

"I know!"

"So why hasn't anything happened yet?"

Dean sighed. "I don't know, Sam."

Sam ran a nervous hand through his hair.

"It's just… I know what to do to fight demons and stuff like that, Dean… Dad trained us to fight… but this…? We're just… sitting here! And nothing is happening! And we have absolutely no idea what to do!"

Dean let out a shuddering breath as he watched Paris Hilton on the TV wave at the paparazzi with a smile on her face. This wasn't what he had expected. Of course, he had expected they would stop the Apocalypse from actually happening. He hadn't really let himself think too much about what exactly would happen if Lucifer was set free.

But this? Definitely not what he had expected. The only death and destruction they had seen was all crap that had been happening every day for as long as they could remember. No reports of demons taking over cities. No reports of sightings of Satan. Just… nothing.

"I know, Sammy," Dean said quietly, finally looking over at his brother. "But we'll get through this. We're going to get to Bobby and maybe he'll have the answers we need when we get there. And it can't stay quiet forever. Something's gotta happen soon."

They both fell silent and returned to watching TV.

"Do you think Cas is OK?"

Dean flinched at the question. He had desperately trying not to think about the angel, but Sam's question brought all the buried emotions to the surface.

"I don't know," Dean answered quietly.

"What do you think they did to him?"

Tears stung Dean's eyes and he quickly cleared his throat and turned his head, trying to hide them. He didn't want to think about it. In truth, he hated himself for dragging Castiel into this mess. The last thing he had wanted was for Castiel to be left on his own. Not that Dean could have done much, but Castiel shouldn't have had to be alone. And maybe dead…

"I don't want to know," Dean admitted quietly. "We can't think about that, anyway. He did his job to buy us time and let us get away. That's what we did."

Sam looked down at the bedspread, his face full of grief.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Sam said quietly.

Dean shot a look at Sam. "Dude, don't-"

"I mean it, Dean! I'm sorry I didn't listen to you or to Castiel. Instead I let myself trust… _her_… and now look at me! I'm a fucking monster, Dean!"

Dean jumped off his bed over to Sam and grabbed him by both arms.

"Shut up, Sam! You're not a monster so don't talk like that!"

Sam met Dean's gaze, his eyes filled with tears.

"But… I drank demon blood! I broke the final seal, Dean! I set Lucifer free!"

"Yeah, and I tortured souls and broke the first seal that got everything started! We both fucked up, Sam! And we both got screwed over and manipulated into doing it! We have spent our entire lives trying to do the right thing and save lives! Even though all this has happened we're not going to stop fighting because of it! We're human beings, Sam, and we're gonna screw up once in a while. But this time… this time we have each other and we're going to fight this battle _together_. So stop all this crap about you being a monster and shit because I don't want to hear it! It's time to move on."

They sat silently looking at each other for a moment. Finally, Sam swallowed hard and nodded slowly.

"OK."

Dean studied him for a moment before finally releasing his grip on his arms and nodding as well.

"Alright then."

Both brothers managed a small smile of relief. The tension that had been between them lessened, bringing back a sense of the bond they once had.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

Both Dean and Sam jumped and spun around to face the door. Sam quickly went for the demon knife on the nightstand while Dean went and grabbed the shotgun. They looked at each other and gave a quick nod, each knowing the other's role. Dean went to the door and stood ready.

"Who is it?" He yelled.

"Dean… help…" A weak but familiar voice called back.

_Oh God_.

Dean's heart leaped to his throat and his eyes widened. He shot a glance at Sam who looked just as shocked as he was. Dean took a deep breath, reminding himself this could just be a trap. With trembling fingers he unlocked the deadbolt and swung open the door, shotgun aimed and ready.

He barely recognized the figure in front of him. Castiel's face appeared almost ashen and his clothes were soaked and dirtied with blood and mud. He was supporting himself by propping himself up with the doorframe while his other arm was wrapped tightly around his middle. His face was bruised and swollen, his eyes filled with pain.

"Dean," Castiel gasped and he stumbled forward. He would have fallen if Dean hadn't managed to catch him in time. Dean lowered him to the floor while Sam ran over and slammed the door shut.

"Shit… _shit_! Cas… Cas… what happened? What did they do to you?" Dean asked frantically as he wiped Castiel's sopping hair from his face.

"Dean," Castiel moaned. "He… I… I'm hurt…"

"It's OK, Cas. It's OK. You're with us now. Sam and I will get you all patched up, OK? Just hand in there and you'll be back to being a holy pain in the ass again in no time, OK?" Dean said, forcing a weak smile on his face.

Sam knelt down beside them and froze.

"Dean… what is that?" Sam whispered.

Dean looked at Sam and then followed his gaze. His breath caught in his throat when he saw what Sam was referring to.

Castiel's arm had fallen away from his stomach, revealing the gash that was there. Mixed with the blood Dean could see a strange bluish light that was also seeping out. Dean felt his heart sink as he realized what it was.

"My grace…" Castiel gasped painfully. "He… he cut out… my grace…"

Sam's face filled with horror. Dean was frozen, helplessly watching as the last bit of light trickled out of the fallen angel. He watched the light flicker and then finally go dark. He looked back at Castiel who was whimpering with fear and pain.

"We have to get him to Bobby's," Dean said quietly.

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I know! I know! I'm an evil awful person for ending it here! And y'all are gonna think I'm even more evil and awful when I tell you I probably won't be able to update again until Friday night! *ducking and running for cover* BUT… before you go nuts, just know that my vacation starts Friday as well and I will have a whole week to write and update! : ) So be patient! I'll do my best to make it worth the wait!


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

It was during some point when Dean and Sam were helping Castiel to one of the beds that Castiel finally passed out from the pain and sheer exhaustion. Dean carefully checked him over to make sure he was still breathing and was relieved to see that he was.

"Help me get him out of all this stuff, Sam. I need to close up that cut on his stomach and take care of any other injuries he has. Then we'll bring him to Bobby's. I don't know what the hell they did to him, but we can't leave him like this," Dean said quietly.

Sam nodded and helped Dean remove the fallen angel's clothes. Dean was getting out their med kit while Sam removed Castiel's shirt. When he saw Castiel's back, however, Sam froze and let out a horrified gasp. Dean jerked his head up.

"Oh my God," Sam whispered, his eyes wide with shock.

"What is it?" Dean asked, frowning. He moved over on the bed to look and his stomach dropped at the sight.

Castiel's back was crisscrossed with long scars and wounds in various stages of healing, injuries inflicted from a knife or a beating with a long, thin object. Some of the wounds were months old and healed over, but others appeared to have occurred maybe a few hours prior. Blood oozed out of the fresher wounds and trickled down Castiel's pale back.

It took every ounce of Dean's self-control not to start screaming and destroying everything in that motel room in a rage. They had hurt Castiel. Tortured him. Repeatedly. Castiel's actions over the last few months now made sense. Of course he didn't want to disobey. Not if this was going to be his fate. And then they cut out his grace on top of everything else? It was too much. Dean wanted nothing more than to take Castiel in his arms and beg for his forgiveness. He wanted to apologize for being so blind to what his angel had been suffering through.

Sam could see the storm of emotions in Dean's face. He gently put his hand on Dean's arm, causing Dean to look up at him.

"I know you're pissed, Dean," Sam said softly, "But we have to take care of him _now_ and get moving to Bobby's. He may need more help than what we have here."

Dean took a deep breath and nodded. Sam was right. He had to stay focused. This was not the time to get overly emotional. Castiel needed help and Dean intended to see to it that he got it. He'd worry about coming up with a way to kick the shit out of Zachariah later.

Once Castiel's clothes had been removed Dean quickly looked him over for other injuries. Sam helped him wash away the blood and dirt to make things easier. Dean quickly determined that Castiel had several broken ribs along with his bruised face and the large gash across his stomach. Fortunately, that wound wasn't deep and Dean was able to stitch it closed without difficulty. The ribs, both of the brothers knew, would only heal with time and rest. None of the wounds on Castiel's back required stitches, but Dean covered them with a special balm their father had always used. The stuff smelled bad, but did wonders for healing. They then dressed him in one of Dean's old t-shirts and pants, and then wrapped one of the motel's blankets around him to keep him warm.

Castiel didn't wake up during it all, but occasionally moaned in obvious discomfort. Dean wished he had something to give him for the pain, but knew they didn't have anything strong enough. He could only hope that maybe Bobby would have something stronger when they arrived.

Sam finished gathering up their bags. It had finally stopped storming outside, leaving the air heavy with humidity. After checking outside to make sure nothing was lurking out there they threw their bags in the car. They then went back and together carried Castiel to the car and laid him out in the backseat. Dean had snagged a few pillows from the room in order to provide Castiel with something to rest his head on. Once they were sure they had everything they left the motel and made their way down the highway into the night.

***

They were almost to Bobby's, maybe only another couple hours left of the drive. They had been driving nearly nonstop, switching off in order to let the other sleep, for almost two days. Castiel still wasn't fully awake; something that worried Dean, but there was nothing that could be done for it. As much as he wanted to take Castiel to a hospital Dean knew it wouldn't be safe. Even though things were still calm, the Apocalypse was on them and Dean wanted to be at Bobby's when things finally did start happening.

They stopped at a rest stop in order to stretch and use the bathroom. Sam was inside and Dean sat out in the car with Castiel. Suddenly, Dean heard a pain-filled moan from the back seat. He looked back to see Castiel grimacing with pain and had his arms wrapped around his sides. Dean reached into a bag and pulled out the bottle of liquid Motrin he had bought at one of the last rest stops. He figured that in Castiel's condition it would be easier for him to swallow and was better than nothing. He opened the door and got out of the driver's seat and went to the back, opening the back passenger door. He then gently helped Castiel sit up, although the movement caused Castiel to cry out with pain.

"Easy, Cas," Dean said softly as he sat down next to him. "It's OK, I've got ya."

Castiel's gaze was unfocused at first and he blinked a few times before he seemed to realize who was talking to him.

"Dean…?" Castiel whimpered quietly.

Dean gave him a small smile. "Yeah, Cas, it's me."

Castiel looked around for a moment without moving his head. "Where… where are we…?"

"South Dakota. A couple hours from Bobby's place," Dean replied. He opened up the bottle of Motrin and poured some in the plastic measuring cup that it came with. "Here, Cas, drink this for me."

Castiel looked at the orange liquid. "What is it?" He asked softly.

"Something for the pain. Drink it, it'll help."

Castiel's eyes filled with tears. He shook his head and turned away.

"No."

Dean scowled at him.

"Cas," He said warningly, "I mean it. You need to drink this. We still have a long way to go and you have broken ribs that are gonna hurt like hell."

"I deserve the pain," Castiel replied, the tears beginning to trickle down his cheeks.

Dean swallowed hard, anger burning inside of him. Not at Castiel, though, but at the angels responsible for making Castiel feel this way.

"Castiel," Dean said, trying not to explode, "Either you drink this on your own, or I swear I will force it down your throat myself. I need you to get better and you sitting in my back seat in agony isn't gonna help! So take the damn medicine!"

Castiel looked at Dean, his eyes slightly frightened. He took the cup from Dean's hand, however, and drank it carefully. Dean let out a small sigh and nodded.

"Now that's better," He said while taking back the empty cup.

He nervously moistened his lips as he suddenly realized how close they were sitting together and that Sam wasn't back yet. He could see his brother through the store window, standing in one of the aisles and grabbing food for them. Dean looked back at Castiel who was desperately trying to fight the pain he was experiencing. It frightened Dean to see how weak and pale he looked, but was partly relieved by the fact that he was finally awake.

"What hurts, Cas?" Dean asked gently.

Castiel's breath hitched as he tried to fight back the sobs in his chest. "Ev-everywhere… it hurts to breathe…"

Dean nodded. "I know. It'll be better once we get to Bobby's. You'll be able to lie down in a bed then."

Castiel hesitantly looked at Dean, his bright blue eyes just as intense as ever. Dean couldn't help but be drawn into them.

"Why are you helping me?" Castiel asked his voice barely above a whisper.

Dean frowned. "Why wouldn't I help you? You're my friend and you helped me…"

"After all the lies… after I betrayed you…"

His words struck Dean to the core.

"Castiel… I know what they did to you and I know why you did it… I'm just sorry I couldn't stop them from hurting you…"

Castiel looked like he was about to say something else when they heard Sam open the front passenger door and stick his head inside.

"Hey, guys. Cas, how are you feeling?" Sam said his voice filled with concern.

Castiel swallowed hard. "I… I hurt…" He said quietly.

Sam nodded sympathetically. He then looked over at Dean.

"I got us some food. Do you want me to drive? You can stay back there and help Castiel eat something."

Dean glanced at Castiel and nodded. "Yeah, probably a good idea."

Sam settled himself in the drives seat and soon they were back on the road to Bobby's.

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Hey guys! Thanks for your patience! Hope this was worth the wait. : )

Yeah, so my brain doesn't seem to want to cooperate and help me write this story so you know that means I desperately need your feedback! I have a destination, just trying to figure out how to get there! Feel free to throw out ideas or even things you want to see happen. I take everything into consideration!

Thanks for reading! : )


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Bobby's house had never looked so wonderful and inviting in all of Dean's life. It was late afternoon when they pulled into Singer Salvage Yard and they were all exhausted. Dean felt a pang of guilt as he glanced in the rearview mirror to check Castiel and saw how weak the fallen angel was. It really had been too far of a drive for him, especially in his condition, but what choice had they had? And then there was Sam. He had been fine for most of the trip, but Dean could see the lack of demon blood was beginning to affect him. The younger brother had bitten his nails down to nubs and couldn't stop jiggling his right leg for the last few hours. He had told Dean he was fine a million times, even when the question was raised merely by Dean giving Sam a look. But now, hopefully since they reached some point of safety, Sam would acknowledge the problem and do what was necessary.

As they parked in front of the house Bobby appeared on the porch, looking obviously relieved.

"About time!" The older hunter yelled to them as they got out of the car. "I was starting to worry!"

"Sorry, Bobby!" Dean replied as he shut his door. "It's a long drive from Maryland!"

Bobby came down the steps and stopped a few feet away. Both he and Dean looked over at Sam who was standing meekly behind his open door.

"Hey, Bobby," Sam said quietly, not quite able to meet Bobby's gaze.

"Sam," Bobby replied with a nod. "Glad to see you're safe, son."

Sam swallowed nervously before forcing himself to step around the door. "Bobby… look… I'm sorry about-"

Bobby held up a hand to quiet him. "No need to say another word, Sam. Time to put that behind us and move on. I'm just glad to see you made it back in one piece."

He then walked over and gave Sam a fatherly hug, an action nearly moving Sam to tears as he hugged Bobby back. When they finally stepped back Sam cleared his throat and gave Bobby a watery smile.

"Well… um…" Bobby said as he cleared his throat, trying not to appear overly emotional. "There's someone else here who wants to see you boys."

He gestured towards the porch and they saw an older woman with long dirty blond hair come out the front door, hands on her hips. She was dressed in blue jeans and a faded button-down green shirt. A wry smile touched her lips.

"Sam and Dean Winchester. 'Bout time you boys finally showed up."

"Ellen!" Sam and Dean said in unison, broad smiles on their faces.

Ellen Harvelle smiled as she came down the steps and came over to give each brother a hug.

"Bobby got a hold of me and filled me in on what you boys have been up to," She said after hugging them. "I've been busy keeping an eye on Jo and making sure she doesn't get herself into too much trouble, but after talking to Bobby I figured you boys could use all the help you could get!"

"Thanks, Ellen," Sam said, obviously relieved.

"Yeah, we definitely need the help," Dean said with a nod.

Ellen nodded and then looked around Dean into the back of the car.

"And I'm guessing that back there is the angel Bobby told me about."

Dean turned around and saw Castiel sitting timidly in the back seat, his eyes downcast. Dean sighed.

"Yeah, that's Cas. He... well… he got hurt pretty bad and…"

Ellen patted Dean on his arm. "Bobby already filled me in, Dean. Just help bring him inside and I'll check him over."

Dean gave her a grateful smile before going over to Castiel's door and opening it. He knelt down next to Castiel and put his hand out.

"Come on, Cas, I'll help you inside."

Castiel looked at Dean, his eyes filled with fear. "I… I don't know…"

Dean frowned. "Don't know what, Cas?"

"Your friend… Bobby… he doesn't like me…"

"What?" Dean looked at him incredulously. "What are you talking about?"

Castiel swallowed nervously. "From our first meeting… when I rendered him unconscious… he was angry at me for that."

Dean sighed. "Cas, he's not mad at you anymore. He got over it."

Castiel looked at Dean uncertainly. "He's no longer angry?"

"No."

"How do you know for sure?"

Dean rolled his eyes and stood up. Leaning on the roof of the car he looked over at Bobby.

"Bobby, are you mad at Castiel for anything?" Dean yelled to Bobby, ignoring Castiel's shocked gasp.

Bobby looked back at Dean startled. "Uh… no… why? Am I supposed to be?"

Dean shook his head. "Nope. Just clearing up a few things."

He knelt back down and gently put his hand on Castiel's arm.

"There. See? Everything's fine. So let's go inside cuz you've been in riding around too long already. You need to lay down on something besides a backseat!"

Castiel still didn't look entirely convinced, but he allowed himself to be led by Dean out of the car. He tensed slightly at Dean's touch when the hunter grabbed him as stumbled getting up, but was too weak to do much else. He kept his eyes lowered as they entered the house.

Bobby led them inside and into the kitchen where he motioned for them to sit down at the table. He then pulled out three shot glasses from the cupboard and a flask. Sitting down across the table from them he filled up each glass and passed one to each of them without saying a word. Both Sam and Dean sighed, knowing the routine, and drank theirs down with a quick gulp. Castiel looked at his drink, his head cocked in confusion.

"What is this?" Castiel asked.

"It's just water, Castiel. Don't worry about it. Just go ahead and drink it," Dean said reassuringly.

Castiel glanced at Bobby and Ellen who were watching him expectantly. He looked back down at the glass and slowly raised it to his lips and drank it in the same manner he had watched Dean use. His eyes widened as he tasted the liquid. It was warm and sweet, filling his insides with a warmth he hadn't felt since he had battled the archangel. The pain that had seared through his body lessened as he felt the liquid course through him. He looked at Bobby wide-eyed and held the empty glass out to him.

"May I have more, please?" Castiel asked hopefully.

Everyone stared him for a moment, baffled by his reaction. Finally Bobby nodded and poured more water into the glass. Castiel quickly took it and drank it down, sighing contently at the liquids effects. He quickly held out the glass again, his eyes lit up hopefully.

"I… uh… I need to make some more first," Bobby said hesitantly, looking at Dean.

Dean saw the look of disappoint cloud Castiel's features and he quickly put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"You can have more later, Cas. Right now we need to go over a few things," Dean said firmly.

Bobby nodded. "I'll say. Like what the heck happened? And I mean start from the beginning. One minute you and I are standing there having a discussion and when I turn around you're gone! I don't hear from you for a few days and then next thing I know you're calling saying you have Sam and that the Apocalypse has begun… and then you call back later saying that you have him with you." He pointed to Castiel. "And he lost his powers and is hurt. So… yeah. I need you to fill in a few details."

Sam cleared his throat. "Hey, uh, Bobby? Do you mind getting the details from Dean? I… I really need to… um… I need to be alone… for a while…"

Bobby frowned. "That's fine; Sam, but I can't put you back in the panic room again. Unless you want to fill me in on how you Houdini'd your way out of there?"

Sam shook his head. "I don't know how I got out. I was shackled to the bed when suddenly the shackles fell off and then the door opened. I don't know how."

"Was it Ruby?"

"She said she had nothing to do with it."

"She was telling the truth."

Everyone turned to look at Castiel who had quietly spoken. His eyes were downcast and his form was notably tense.

"Castiel," Dean said slowly. "You know how Sam got out?"

Castiel nodded, the guilt clearly written on his face.

"I let him out," He said quietly. "Zachariah ordered for me to release him."

"You _what_?!" Bobby growled furiously. Ellen put a hand on his arm to try to calm him.

"I… I'm sorry." He looked at Dean sadly. "I told you… I told you I had betrayed you… I do not deserve your forgiveness. Or Sam's help. I deserve the fate I have received."

Dean closed his eyes, a feeling of rage washing over him at the idea that Castiel had been responsible for nearly killing Sam. But the feeling quickly passed and then he just felt sad. Sad knowing that Castiel had been betrayed and manipulated to do Zachariah's bidding. And Dean also felt overwhelmingly tired. Tired of being angry at the people he cared about.

"You know what," Dean said quietly. He opened his eyes and looked at Castiel directly. "It's done with. I know why you did it. You did everything you could to make up for it. Sam's alive and we're here. And I'm too damn tired to be pissed at you. So we're putting all that behind us."

Everyone stared at Dean dumbfounded. Dean turned to look at Sam.

"Do you forgive him, Sam?"

It took Sam a moment to formulate a response.

"Yeah… yeah… I do."

"There ya go," Dean said looking back at Bobby. "Castiel is sorry. Sam and I both forgive him. So what I think we need to do is get Sam set up downstairs before things get too bad and Ellen needs to check Cas over to make sure he's OK. And then I'll fill you in on what's happened."

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**OK, this chapter was a bitch to write! My brain has NOT been wanting to function! I'm also trying not to think about some of the spoilers I've read for season 5! : (**

**Anyway, I'm hoping I'm past the rough part and start getting back into story like I want to! Those of you who gave me suggestions and feedback totally rock and I can't wait to use them (although I did use one of them in this chapter!).**

**Thanks for reading! : )**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

It took some convincing to get Castiel to go upstairs with Ellen and get checked over by her. Castiel had given Dean anxious looks and had insisted he was fine, but Dean had stood firm. It was only after Dean agreed to come upstairs after he finished talking to Bobby that Castiel reluctantly agreed to go.

It wasn't that he didn't like this Ellen or found her threatening. But she was a stranger and Castiel was all too aware of what would be required of him in order for her to examine him. The thought of having to remove his clothes terrified him. It dredged up the horrible memories of Anna and the things she had done to him. He reminded himself over and over as they entered the upstairs bathroom that this Ellen would do no such thing to him and he was safe with her, but he couldn't shake the memories swirling inside of him. Memories of hands touching him, eliciting strange and terrifying feelings that had been so foreign to him.

"Have a seat here, Castiel," Ellen said gently as she closed the toilet's lid. She then turned around and began getting things out of nearby medicine cabinet.

Castiel slowly sat down, his stomach knotted with fear. A cold sweat broke out on his forehead and he unconsciously wiped his damp palms on his pants. He couldn't stop trembling and he had somehow forgotten how to breathe. When Ellen turned around she saw the look of stark terror on Castiel's pale face. She smiled gently and knelt down before him.

"Castiel," she said softly as she put a hand on his knee. "Relax. I'm not going to hurt you, OK? I'm just going to check you over, make sure everything is healing like it should. Try to relax and breathe, Hun."

He could see in her eyes she was telling the truth. He swallowed hard and then forced himself to take a deep breath. Finally, he nodded slowly, still too frightened to speak.

"I need you to take your shirt off for me," She said gently, but firmly.

He had to do it. There really was no way out of it. He slowly pulled the shirt over his head, wincing at the discomfort that the action caused in his ribs. He wanted to keep himself covered at least with the shirt, but Ellen took it from him and set it on the floor next to them. He screwed his eyes shut as she began examining him, not wanting to watch and wishing his heart would stop beating so hard in his chest. His body went rigid as he felt her delicate touch on his skin and it took every ounce of self-control not to recoil.

Ellen, meanwhile, focused on the injuries before her and tried not to focus on his obvious discomfort. She was very pleased to see the gash across Castiel's stomach was healing very nicely under Dean's careful stitches. The wound was already developing the fine pink scar tissue and there was no bleeding or any other discharge coming from it. His sides were still bruised, but they were starting to fade to the sickly greenish yellow color that bruises develop. She moved to look at his back, but Castiel quickly leaned back against the toilet in attempt to hide it.

She sighed. "Come on, Castiel. I have to see your back too. We're almost done here."

He didn't want to. The shame associated with the scars that marred his back was near overwhelming. He shook his head and pressed his back further against the back of the toilet.

"Castiel, if you don't let me look at your back I'll have to go get Dean and tell him. Then he'll have to come up here and look at it himself."

That made Castiel pause. He didn't want Dean to see him like this. He knew Dean had already seen his injuries, but he had been unconscious at the time. He didn't want Dean to see him like this now, though, so naked and exposed and frightened. Granted, it wasn't much better to be seen by Ellen, but then, the emotions that he had for Dean weren't there. He reluctantly leaned forward, away from the toilet.

Ellen nodded and moved to check his back. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw the reason for his reluctance. The majority of the wounds had healed over entirely, only a couple of them were scabbed over. Still, the scars that marred the pale expanse of skin were raised and jagged, obviously inflicted with the goal of achieving maximum pain. She felt her heart break and now understood Dean's reason for not getting angry with Castiel over his role in Sam's escape as well as the other things he had done. The angel certainly had not gone unscathed in all of this.

"OK, Castiel. We're done," She said quietly. Ellen went over to the towel rack and removed a large blue towel that was hanging there. She passed it to Castiel. "Now we're going to get you in the shower and cleaned up so you can go to bed after."

Castiel felt as though all the air had been forced from his lungs. He looked at her, his eyes openly filled with fear.

"What?" He barely managed to whisper.

"You're going to take a shower and then go to bed," She repeated calmly. "I have everything you need and will get you some clean clothes for after. Do you need any help washing up?"

He gripped the towel in his hands like it was the only thing keeping him alive. He tried to remember to breathe as he desperately fought to control his emotions.

"I don't need a shower," He insisted anxiously.

Ellen was turning on the water in the tub. She turned around and arched an eyebrow at him.

"_Yes_, you do," She replied, her voice leaving no room for argument. She straightened up and looked directly at him. "Now, do you want me to help you get ready and get in, or should I get Dean to come help you?"

Castiel looked at her, his wide blue eyes pleading for an escape. The expression she returned, however, was unyielding. He inwardly sighed, knowing that there was no way he was getting out of this. He thought briefly of having her go get Dean, at least he knew him and felt somewhat comfortable with him.

And then he remembered Utah. And that night. And the shower he and Dean had taken together…

"I accept your help," Castiel said softly.

Ellen was respectful enough to not prolong his discomfort any longer than necessary. She quickly and efficiently helped him out of the rest of his clothing and into the tub. There was a plastic chair in there for him to sit in so he wouldn't have to stand, something he was very grateful for as he knew he was still too weak. Once he was sitting down she passed him a washcloth and pointed out the shampoo and soap to him. She checked the water temperature one last time before she was satisfied.

"Alright, Castiel. I'll be back to check on you," She said before heading out the door.

Castiel let out a sigh of relief when he heard her leave and close the door. Now that he was alone he could finally let down his guard and allow the flood of emotions course through him. He had to admit that the hot water felt good, better than he remembered from Utah. He began washing himself in an attempt to help himself calm down.

His emotions were jumbled together in a tangled mess. While there was a small degree of comfort from being cared for by Dean and being with him, he also was well aware of how complicated the situation really was. Dean didn't know the truth about what had happened between them. He knew, deep down, Dean still had to be upset with him for all his lies. And Lucifer had risen and now Dean was in an incredibly dangerous situation as he would now be a target for both Lucifer and the angels who would want him back.

Castiel buried his head in his hands. What a horrible mess and now he was completely powerless to do anything about it. He was trapped inside this frail and complicated human body that continued to bewilder him in its complexities. All its needs and requirements…

And one need was beginning to make itself known.

He couldn't believe that despite how much pain he was in and how badly he had suffered injuries… he still could become aroused. He looked down at his swollen member that ached with the need for release. He closed his eyes and bit his lower lip as he remembered his shower with Dean. His breath hitched as he remembered Dean's soft, full lips pressed against his own as the hot water ran down their heated bodies. His hand slipped down and he took his shaft in his hand and began jerking himself off in slow strokes, remembering how Dean had touched him the same way. His breath began coming out in ragged pants as his arousal grew… he fantasized about what it would be like if Dean were with him now… kissing him… stroking him… encouraging him with his deep sensual voice that always caused a pool of pleasure deep in Castiel's stomach. He pictured Dean's body pressed against his, hot and wanting… he pictured Dean's face as he came…

That last image pushed Castiel over the edge. He let out a desperate whimper as he came over his hand, the hot cum practically searing his skin. He collapsed weakly in the plastic chair, his whole body trembling with shock at what he had just allowed himself to do and amazement at how intense the experience had been. He weakly reached out to rinse off his hand when he heard the bathroom door open and an all too familiar voice call out.

"Hey, Cas. Ellen sent me up. You doing OK in here? I thought I heard you moan or something."

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Hehehe. : ) Yeah, I'm a bad girl for ending it there. Have some pity on me. Though! I've been up for almost 20 hours straight! I thought you guys would enjoy a little shower scene with our Castiel, though, so I hope it makes up for it!

Feedback is always a wonderful thing to me! Don't be shy! : )


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Castiel froze his heart in his throat. He heard Dean walk across the bathroom to the tub.

"Cas? Are you OK?" Dean repeated, obviously concerned.

"I'm fine," Castiel managed to choke out. He quickly rinsed away the evidence of his actions and tried to make himself relax. "I… I'm just in some pain… I…moved wrong…"

"OK," Dean answered, not sounding completely convinced. "Ellen sent me up to check on you and see if you needed any help. Are you almost done?"

"Yes. I… I just need to make the water stop so I can dry off," He said as he studied the faucet in an attempt to figure out how to turn it off.

Suddenly, he saw Dean sneak a hand in and turn the water off.

"There you go. I didn't want you turning it the wrong way and burning yourself."

"Thank you," Castiel replied weakly.

He felt his face grow hotter as he knew the towel was out there and the only way he could reach it would be to open the curtain and lean out of the tub. He didn't want Dean to see him fully exposed, but he couldn't think of any other way. But then, suddenly his towel was slung over the shower curtain.

"There you go, Cas. So you don't fall over trying to reach for it."

Castiel couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. He pulled down the towel and began drying himself off. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad. Maybe Dean would go away long enough for him to get out of the bathroom and get dressed before seeing him. Certainly it would make things less awkward, not to mention he wouldn't feel quite so vulnerable. Any hope of being able to fend for himself, however, quickly disappeared when he tried to stand up. He hadn't realized how tired he really was and that his "activities" during his shower only compounded the problem. He stood up only to fall back down into his seat when his legs began to tremble like jell-o. He heard Dean quickly run over to the tub.

"What happened? Are you OK?" Dean demanded quickly.

Castiel cringed. "Yes… I'm OK… I just can't stand up very well… I didn't realize how weak I am…"

Before he could react Dean pushed open the shower curtain. Castiel quickly covered his lap with the towel, his face flushing with embarrassment. Dean looked at him carefully before giving him a gentle smile.

"Don't worry about it, Cas. I'll help you out of there and help you get dressed. God knows how many times I've had to help Sam out when he got hurt. Broken ribs and blood loss are a bitch!"

Castiel hesitated before reluctantly reaching out and letting Dean steady him as he rose to his feet and wrapped the towel more securely around his waist. He then allowed Dean to help him out of the tub and support his weight while walking him over to the toilet where he could sit again. He was amazed out how much effort it took him to do such simple things. Dean simply smiled at him while grabbing the clothes Ellen had gotten for him and kneeling down in front of him.

"Let's get you dressed and in bed," Dean said holding out the t-shirt to him. "You'll be able to rest and get better a hell of a lot faster here now that we don't have you hopping in and out of the Impala."

Castiel carefully pulled the shirt over his head, but couldn't help the whimper of pain the action caused. Dean shot him a look of concern, but didn't say anything. He simply busied himself with helping Castiel put on his boxers and pajama pants. Castiel felt himself relax more despite his fears. He felt safe with Dean and knew deep down that Dean would do everything he could to keep him safe. And as Dean helped him to bed Castiel couldn't help but savor Dean's warm strong hands around his waist and his hard lean body pressed up against his own. He breathed in Dean's musky aroma, a scent that was intoxicating to him. He was secretly thankful he had allowed himself his moment of pleasure during his shower because he was quite sure he wouldn't have been able to hide it now.

They eventually made it into the bedroom and over to the bed. Once the bedding was pulled back Dean carefully helped Castiel into the bed and covered him up. Castiel felt his body relax into the soft mattress he was now laying on. A content sigh escaped his lips causing Dean to grin.

"Alright, Cas. Try to get some sleep. I'm gonna go take my shower and I'll check on you before I go to bed. But holler if you need anything, OK?"

Castiel nodded, his eyes already drifting closed. He heard Dean move away and close the door partially. He then could hear Dean go down the hallway, back to the bathroom. Sleep was almost ready to over take him…

And then he realized something.

It was quiet.

_Very_ quiet.

Castiel could hear his heart begin to pound faster in his chest. He had never experienced such silence before. He had always been able to hear something; his brethren talking amongst each other… the voices of the humans on Earth… the sounds of demons… the sounds of the Earth itself…

But now… nothing. The only sounds in the house were the faint sounds of the shower down the hallway, the wind blowing outside… and the sound of his own heart beat and shallow breaths. The silence was almost deafening… like a blanket threatening to smother him.

It was at that moment the full reality of what had happened to him began to sink in. He realized that he had truly lost his grace. That all the powers and abilities he had once had were now gone forever. His brethren had abandoned him, wanted nothing more to do with him. They had cast him aside and left him to die. He would never hear the sweet voices of his brothers and sisters again. He would never see his home, Heaven, ever again. He was alone.

Tears filled his eyes and a sob escaped his lips. Pain shot through him as he began to cry harder so he tried to stifle his sobs with little success. He shivered as he realized just how cold and empty he really felt and tried to wrap his blankets around him tighter. He couldn't stop the tears and his jumbled thoughts continued to overwhelm him, filling him full of fear and grief. He didn't know what he was going to do.

He desperately wanted to believe Dean would be there for him forever, but he knew, deep down, what Dean's destiny was. He knew that when Dean finally fulfilled it that he would be forgotten. Dean would receive his Heavenly rewards and Castiel would be forced to remain on Earth. Alone.

He cried harder at the thought. He clutched the pillow under his head with both hands and he buried his face into its softness, his tears dampening the pillowcase. He didn't hear the shower shut off or the sound of Dean making his way back down the hallway over his sobs. He didn't realize Dean was there until he felt the bed move next to him. He opened his eyes and saw Dean sitting next to him, his face filled with concern.

"Hey," Dean said softly. He reached over and began gently rubbing Castiel lower back. "What's wrong, Castiel?"

Castiel shook his head and tried to look away, but Dean reached over and forced his face to turn back.

"Come on, Cas. What's wrong? Are you in a lot of pain?"

Castiel shook his head and tried to force himself to stop crying. He met Dean's gaze and could see the worry in his green eyes. Castiel swallowed hard and wiped his face with his hand.

"I… I'm afraid…" He whispered meekly.

"Of what?" Dean pressed gently. "You don't need to be. You're safe here. Bobby has this place guarded like Fort Knox against any demons that might try to get in. And the other angels… well… if they know what's good for them they'll back off."

Castiel shook his head again.

"It's… not that… It's… me."

Dean frowned in confusion. He didn't stop rubbing Castiel's back, though.

"What are you afraid of about you?"

Castiel could feel fresh tears forming despite his best efforts to fight them. He dropped his gaze.

"I… I feel so… alone… it's so… quiet… I can't hear the other angels anymore… and I… I know it's my own fault… I know I can never go home…"

He turned his head away again as the tears began to stream down his cheeks. It had hurt badly to confess his fears to Dean and it also reminded him of his shame. He felt Dean move his arm up his back and wrap around his shoulders and pull his closer. He then felt Dean lean closer to him.

"Listen to me, Castiel," Dean whispered firmly. "You are _not_ alone here, OK? You have Bobby and Ellen now. And Sam, even with what he's dealing with. And you will _always_ have me. I will _never_ let you be alone. I swear it."

Castiel slowly looked up and met Dean's firm gaze, too stunned to speak.

"And I don't know how… but I swear that somehow I'm gonna fix this. I'm gonna figure out how to get rid of Lucifer and get your grace back. I don't care if it's the last thing I do."

"But my grace was destroyed," Castiel said softly, shaking his head. "You can't promise me that, Dean."

Dean shook his head. "I'll find you a new grace then. I don't care. You'll get a new grace and then you can go home. I'm not gonna let you suffer because I dragged you into my mess."

Castiel felt his throat tighten. "You didn't drag me into anything, Dean."

"Yes, I did. They hurt you and punished you because of me and I can't live with myself if I don't do something about it. I…"

Dean's voice trailed off. Castiel could see Dean wanted to say something, but was holding back. Finally, Dean smirked.

"Besides, it'll give me extra motivation to kick Zachariah's ass when I get the chance."

Castiel's eyes widened. "Dean, you wouldn't!"

Dean chuckled. "Nah, I'd probably get my ass kicked! But, we're not going to worry about that tonight. Tonight you're gonna get some sleep."

Dean began to move and a bolt of fear shot through Castiel when he realized that Dean was leaving.

"Where are you going?" Castiel asked, unable to hide the fear in his voice.

Dean looked at him quizzically.

"I'm going to bed."

"Where?"

"Downstairs on the couch. Ellen's just down the hall if you need anything."

Castiel couldn't help himself from quickly grabbing Dean's hand, his eyes wide with fear.

"Don't go," He pleaded desperately. "Please stay here with me."

He saw Dean hesitate for a moment, thinking. Finally, Dean sighed and shrugged.

"Alright. If that's what you really want."

"It is," Castiel said quickly. Dean smirked.

"Fine, then move over."

Castiel cocked his head in confusion.

"What?"

"Move over. This bed's big enough and I'm not going to sleep in a chair all night. I'll sleep in bed with you and then you don't have to worry, OK?"

Castiel hesitated for only a moment before sliding over to make room for Dean. Dean quickly crawled in next to him and covered up with the blankets. Castiel felt his heart thunder in his chest as he felt how close Dean was, but he forced himself to calm down and be thankful that he had even agreed to stay.

"Alright, Cas. Get some sleep."

Castiel couldn't help the small smile that touched his lips. He let his eyes drift closed and soon he was fast asleep.

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Hope you enjoyed! Couldn't resist the Castiel-angst and one of my loyal readers had requested more Dean-comfort, so I had to oblige!

Thanks for reading and please give feedback! It makes my day better to know you guys are still reading and enjoying or have suggestions! : )


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Dean looked down at Castiel's sleeping form. He couldn't help but smile at the fallen angel's tussled damp hair and the way his long dark lashes fell on his pale cheeks. Castiel had snuggled up to Dean, unconsciously seeking warmth as he slept. Dean secretly admitted to himself that he didn't mind. It was an opportunity to be close to Castiel, an opportunity he was more than willing to take advantage of. Granted, he'd have some explaining to do if they were seen like this together, especially if Bobby caught them.

_Bobby_. Dean sighed as he recalled his conversation with the older hunter earlier that evening. Dean had explained to him what had happened when Castiel had taken him to the "green room" and the truths he had learned while he was there. He quickly explained their escape and what happened with Sam and Lillith and Ruby.

"And, well, you know what happened after that," Dean had said with a sigh. "The seal broke and Lucifer began to rise. We barely made it out of there in time."

Bobby nodded slowly as he listened.

"And then on your way here you found Castiel all beat up outside your motel room?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, he was pretty bad."

He could see Bobby was thinking very hard about something, but not saying anything. The older hunter's eyes were filled with concern and Dean knew it couldn't be good. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"OK, Bobby. Just say it."

Bobby looked at him surprised. "Say what?"

"Whatever it is you're thinking. I can almost read you like a book and I know when you have something to say so just come out and say it."

"Is that right?"

"Yes, that's right."

Bobby leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. "And if you don't like what I have to say?"

Dean frowned. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Bobby sighed and ran his hand over his face. Dean felt his stomach tighten nervously. This couldn't be good.

"Dean, I understand you care about this… angel quite a bit. I know you think he's helped you and all-"

"He _has_ helped me," Dean replied tersely.

Bobby nodded slowly. "I know that, Dean. But also look at all the crap he's pulled. He's lied to you left and right about what was really going on. Christ, he nearly got your brother killed! I don't see you very concerned about that!"

Dean scowled furiously. "I already said how I feel about that. He's already paid for his screw ups, Bobby. I'm too damn tired to keep holding it over his head. We all managed to survive and we're here now. He's part of the group now and he can help us put a stop to all this."

"Oh really? And you think he's really going to do that?"

"Why the hell wouldn't he?"

"Dean, angel or not, the last thing that guy upstairs is, is _human_. How do you know he won't betray you to the other angels if he's given the chance to get his grace back?"

"Cas would never do that!" Dean said furiously.

"And how do you know that?"

"Because!" He felt his confidence momentarily shake, but he quickly found his resolve. "I just know. I know Castiel."

Bobby arched an eyebrow at him. "Is that a fact?"

"Yes."

"And what about the fact that he's fallen? How do you know that he's the same Castiel as the one you knew as an angel? Have you read any of the stuff out there about fallen angels and what happens to them? It's not pretty, Dean. Everything I've found talks about how fallen angels are corrupted and turn to Satan and evil. They become _demons_, Dean!"

Dean felt his stomach plummet to the floor. The thought had never occurred to him until now. He dropped his gaze as his mind wandered to what could happen. He thought of Castiel turning into one of the demons he encountered in Hell, twisted… deformed. The warmth and caring… the _emotion_ that made Castiel unique… that made Dean's heart nearly burst with love… gone. He closed his eyes and shook his head firmly.

"No," Dean said quietly. He opened his eyes and looked back at Bobby. "No, I won't let that happen to him."

"Dean-"

"_No_!" Dean repeated firmly. "He's with us now and I will do everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen to him! I will save him! I'm gonna save Sam and I will save Castiel too. He's with us now and I'll do everything in my power to keep him safe! I won't let him turn into a… a demon."

Bobby and Dean stared at each other silently for a few minutes, Dean's words weighing heavy in the air. Finally, Bobby sighed and slowly nodded.

"Alright. If that's how you want it and you trust him, that's how it's gonna be," Bobby said quietly.

"Thanks, Bobby," Dean replied.

At that moment they heard footsteps come down the stairs and soon Ellen entered the room.

"Hey, guys," she said.

Her face was drawn and tired as she sat down. She looked over at Dean.

"Dean, I think you should go up there and help Castiel finish getting cleaned up."

Dean frowned and looked at her quizzically. "Why? What's wrong?"

Ellen sighed. "The poor thing is scared to death of me. Sat there like a deer in the headlights. Didn't want me touching him, didn't want to get undressed in front of me."

Dean felt a pang of sadness at Ellen's words. "Yeah… I know. He's been like that since we found him."

He saw the look in Ellen's eyes immediately. Even though she was trying to avoid his gaze he could see there was something she wasn't telling him.

"Ellen… what is it?"

She closed her eyes and took a deep shuddering breath. It was a minute before she opened them again and looked at Dean.

"Dean," she began slowly, "I don't know what he's told you… but… he's been abused… badly… and I don't think just physically…"

Dean's heart began to pound harder in fury, but he tried to push his fears down. He silently prayed she wasn't going to say what he was thinking.

"What are you saying?" His voice sounded hoarser than he wanted.

Ellen looked down at her hands, unable to look Dean in the eyes. Her hands were clasped together tightly, her knuckles white from the force.

"I… I can't say for sure, Dean… but the way he acts… how frightened he is… he had to have been abused every way possible. He was afraid to let me see him without clothes… kept trying to cover himself when I was getting him into the shower… I… I think somebody raped him…"

Dean's jaw clenched and his nails dug into his palms. It took every ounce of his self not to go into a rage at that moment. He took a long, slow breath in an attempt to calm himself before he spoke, he voice thick with emotion.

"Then I guess that's even more of a reason to keep him safe with us," Dean said firmly.

He couldn't stand it anymore. He quickly stood up and went upstairs, unable to meet Ellen's and Bobby's looks anymore. Neither one said a word as he left.

Now, as he lay there in the bed with Castiel's warm body pressed against his own, a wave of grief overcame him. For some strange reason it wasn't the knowledge that someone had raped his beloved angel. Deep down he somehow knew that the person responsible was already punished for what they had done. What grieved him was the knowledge that Castiel was carrying this burden with him, bearing the pain silently and without complaint. And from the conversations Dean had already had with him, Castiel felt that his suffering was completely justified and deserved. That all of the abuse and torture he had suffered was his punishment that he had brought on himself because of his "disobedience."

Dean carefully pushed aside a lock of dark hair from Castiel's forehead, his touch light and gentle. His heart fluttered for a moment when the sleeping angel turned into his touch and let out a content sigh. Dean smiled as he watched him.

This was his Castiel, the one he had fallen in love with. He understood and respected Bobby's concerns, but he also knew his angel, and although Castiel had fallen he would not turn into some corrupt demon. Castiel's heart was too loving and pure for such a thing. And Dean would be there to protect him, to save him. He had to. He loved Castiel too much to do anything else.

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Have I ever mentioned how much I love it when I start writing a chapter and it comes out totally different than what I had started out to write, but it winds up being so much better? : )

Please review as it makes my day a little brighter when I read them!


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

_He felt so warm… so safe… the fear that had been plaguing him the last few days had dwindled away leaving Castiel with a sense of peace that he had been so desperately longing for. He knew Dean was close by. He couldn't see him, but he could sense the young hunter's presence surrounding him. He could feel the love and comfort Dean had for him and he savored the peace it brought him._

_He wanted to stay in this place… this place where there was no pain… no fear… a place of safety…_

_"Ego animadverto vos , Castiel."_

_Castiel froze. Terror began to fill him at the sound of __**his**__ voice…_

_"Ego animadverto quam nostrum brethren have causa vos permitto."_

_It was __**him**__. _

_"Audite meus vox vocis, meus Frater."_

_His fallen brother… Lucifer was calling to him._

_"Permissum mihi servo vos ex vestri patientia. Permissum mihi solvo vos ex vestri poena."_

_Lucifer's voice was enticing… sweet in its offerings…_

_"Ego have requiro vos, meus Frater. Permissum mihi succurro vos."_

_Castiel remembered the beauty of his brother… the awe that Lucifer held over all the angels in Heaven…_

_"__**Suo mihi**__ ,__**Castiel**_."

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Castiel woke up with a gasp, sweat pouring down his face. His healing ribs throbbed with pain and Castiel doubled over, holding his ribs in an effort to lessen his agony. His heart thundered in his ears and he trembled with fear as the memory of his dream plagued him.

Lucifer had spoken to him. _Called_ to him. Promising him peace… asking for him to join him.

He was terrified. He was all too aware of what often happened to fallen angels. Their souls became twisted… blacken… destroyed beyond all recognition. The beauty and grace they once had becomes sullied in their descent. Their anger and grief as a result of their falling caused them to turn into monsters, lashing out at the humans that God had claimed as his chosen race. They turned to Lucifer, seeing him as a source of power that they could follow and use in order to seek revenge. As they were corrupted all hope of redemption was lost.

Castiel was terrified of suffering this fate. He had suspected Lucifer would eventually find out about his falling and would seek him out, especially now that Lucifer had been freed. He hadn't expected it so soon, however, and had not expected Lucifer to go after him directly. He wasn't sure what to do or whether or not to tell Dean.

Dean…

He saw that Dean had gotten up already and wasn't in the room. This realization caused Castiel to begin to fall into a panic that was only worsened by the pain he was suffering and the remnants of fear from his dream. Where was Dean? Why hadn't he said anything about leaving? Did something happen to him? Was he gone forever? Was he ever coming back? What if Zachariah had captured him? What if Lucifer had captured him? What if he was dead? What if everyone was dead and he was left alone to fend for himself? What if the angels were coming back to finish what they had started? The questions raced through his minding causing him to feel the need to do _something_.

With a sob Castiel moved himself and managed to swing his legs over the edge of the bed despite the searing pain the action caused. He put his feet on the floor and was able to stand on wobbling legs. He was only able to take a couple shaky steps, however, before his knees buckled and he collapsed to the floor with a dull crash. The pain of the fall mixed with the pain he was already enduring allowed him to only let out a pitiful moan as he laid his head on the shaggy brown bedroom carpet.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming running up the stairs and down the hallway to his room. The door flew opened and he saw Dean in the doorframe, his eyes wide with panic. When he saw Castiel on the floor he rushed to his side.

"Son of a bitch! Castiel, what the hell are you doing?!" Dean yelled his voice filled with genuine fear. He rushed over to Castiel's side and knelt down.

Tears flowed down Castiel's cheeks as he looked at Dean fearfully.

"I… I woke up… you were gone… I thought you left me…"

Dean groaned and shook his head, carefully helping Castiel into a sitting position.

"I went to get something to eat and you were still sleeping. I wasn't going to wake you up for that!" He looked into Castiel's frightened blue eyes and sighed. "Hey… it's OK. Come on, we need to get you back into bed and make sure you didn't break anything else."

"I'm sorry, Dean," Castiel said feebly as Dean helped him to his feet and got him back to bed. Dean smiled ruefully at him.

"It's OK, Cas," Dean replied warmly. "Did you hit your head?"

Castiel shook his head. "No. I landed on my knees… I caught myself with my hand."

Dean took Castiel's hand and gently began checking it over.

"Does this hurt?" Dean asked as he began manipulating his wrist and digits carefully.

Castiel flinched. "It… it's sore," he admitted.

Dean sighed. "You probably sprained it a little. You'll be fine… just don't be getting up on your own for awhile, OK?"

Castiel nodded, his eyes filled with guilt. "I won't, Dean. I'm sorry."

Dean shot him a look. "Cas?"

"Yes, Dean?"

"Quit apologizing!"

"Oh… I'm s-" He caught himself before finishing.

Dean shook his head and chuckled. "Seriously, Cas, you need to relax a little. You're safe here with me and I'm not going anywhere. So stop worrying so much! Just don't fall again!"

Castiel couldn't help but smile weakly at Dean's words and Dean's smile broadened once he saw Castiel felt a little better. Castiel winced, however, as his aching ribs throbbed mercilessly. Dean's face changed to a look of concern.

"Having pain again?"

Castiel nodded.

"Alright. Well, let's get you to the bathroom and get you cleaned up. The medicine is down there anyways so you can take it at the same time."

Dean reached out to help Castiel stand, but Castiel nervously pulled away.

"Do I have to bathe again?" He asked anxiously.

Dean frowned. "Uh… yeah. Well, you should anyways. You're all sweaty and you'll start smelling like a biker bar if you don't!"

He was hoping the joke would help Castiel relax a little. Then he remembered who he was talking to. He sighed when he saw Castiel's anxious expression unchanged.

"Come on, Cas," Dean said kneeling down in front of him. He saw the angel was avoiding his gaze and he frowned with concern. "What's going on? Why don't you want to take a shower? It's not that big of a deal."

Castiel flinched at the directness of Dean's question. He swallowed nervously as he looked up and Dean and quickly averted his gaze again.

"I… I don't like to get undressed…" He confessed softly.

Dean nodded slowly. "Why? Is it because of the scars on your back?"

Castiel went rigid at Dean's question. He lowered his head further and didn't say anything. Dean sighed and nodded knowingly.

"Cas… it's OK… I've already seen them… you don't have to be embarrassed by them." He put his hand on Castiel's shoulder, causing him to slowly look up at him. "Is that what's been bothering you?"

A million thoughts fluttered around Castiel's head, all demanding his attention. He fidgeted nervously on the bed and shrugged, too afraid to speak. Dean frowned at Castiel's silence.

"Hey… talk to me, Castiel," Dean said quietly, but firmly. "You can tell me, OK? Tell me what's wrong."

Castiel could feel the tears prick his eyes. He looked at Dean from under his lashes, unable to hide his shame.

"I… I haven't told you… some things…" Castiel said softly. "Some things that happened to me."

Dean nodded quietly. Castiel felt the tears begin to roll down his cheeks again, the guilt overwhelming him.

"Did someone hurt you?" Dean asked quietly. "I mean… besides the beatings…?"

Castiel squeezed his eyes shut. He should have known Dean would have figured it out eventually, one way or another, but it didn't make things easier. He had honestly believed that he had moved passed what had happened with Anna and that he didn't feel the hurt from that experience anymore. He wasn't sure if it was because of the loss of his grace or the other events that had transpired, but the fear and guilt that the rape caused him had bubbled to the surface, nearly consuming him in their intensity.

"I… I don't want to talk about it…" Castiel said meekly.

"Cas…" The pain was clearly written on Dean's face. "I know it's hard… but… I just don't want you to be scared around me… or Ellen or Bobby or even Sam… I want you to know you can trust them and trust me…"

"I trust you, Dean," Castiel replied earnestly. "I… I know you would never do anything to hurt me."

Dean smiled weakly. "Good. Then you know you don't need to be afraid to do things like take a shower…"

Castiel shook his head. "No… it… it reminds me… of things… things I've done that were wrong…"

Dean frowned. "Castiel, I don't understand. What are you talking about?"

Castiel fidgeted anxiously under Dean's gaze. He was digging himself into a hole with his words, one that he didn't know how he was going to get out of.

"Anna," He suddenly blurted out before he could stop himself.

"Anna?" Dean frowned. Then the realization dawned on him. "Wait… it was Anna who… who hurt you?"

Castiel nodded. "It… it was several months ago… and she has been dealt with because of it… but… Zachariah viewed it as I had fornicated with her and had fallen into sin… the beatings I received were my punishment…"

He was well aware that he was leaving out major details about what had happened, but knew the information he had given Dean would be enough to satisfy the hunter's need to knowledge. He saw the rage fill Dean's face.

"Wait… so that… that son of a bitch… he _punished __**you**_ for what Anna did to you?!"

"Dean, I committed a sin by having… relations with her. I… I deserved my punishment."

He almost wished he could take back the words as soon as they left his mouth. If Dean had been angry before it was absolutely _nothing_ compared to the sheer rage that filled his expression. Dean reached over and grabbed Castiel by both arms and brought his face merely inches from Castiel's own.

"Now you listen to me and you listen damn good, Castiel!" Dean growled. "Don't you _ever_ say that you deserved any of this shit that they've done to you! That is the biggest bunch of horse shit I have ever heard and I don't get a rat's ass who says anything else! You did ever you could in your power to help me and to help Sam and those fucking angels up there right now are the biggest bunch of soulless dicks I have ever met and if that piece of shit Zachariah were to show his face here right now I'd tell him so!"

Castiel's eyes widened. "Dean, you don't mean that."

"Damn right I mean that! I-"

Castiel could see that Dean caught himself before finishing his thought. Dean glanced down quickly before continuing.

"You're my friend, Castiel… and I don't want to see you be hurt anymore… and I'm not going to let anyone hurt you anymore… got it?"

The room fell silent for a moment as both men looked at each other, both stunned by what was just said. Finally, Castiel nodded.

"I… I understand, Dean."

Dean nodded, taking a deep breath as he pulled away, although Castiel couldn't help but notice how his hands lingered slightly before letting go.

"Good," Dean said, his voice suddenly gruff. "Alright, so let's get you moving before it gets and later."

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Latin Translation:

_I see you, Castiel. I see how our brethren have caused you to suffer. Hear my voice, my Brother. Let me save you from your suffering. Let me free you from your pain. I have missed you, my Brother. Let me help you. Join me, Castiel. _

OK! So I know that chapter was a bit more angsty protective-Dean/ hurt-Castiel. But now I know where the story is headed so I can now dive into the meat of the story! Thanks for all your feedback as it's help get the creative juices flowing again! : )


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Castiel was feeling better once the morning routine was completed and he had gotten cleaned up and was downstairs eating breakfast. While the shower had been a struggle, it wasn't nearly as bad as he had expected and Dean had been very careful about respecting his privacy, something Castiel was very grateful for.

Bobby was polite to him in his usual gruff manner and Castiel suspected that the older hunter still wasn't very fond of him. But any concern of that was quickly forgotten when Bobby sat down a tall glass of water next to Castiel's plate. Castiel was delighted to discover it was the same delicious beverage Bobby had given them to drink the previous evening. He was happily drinking the sweet water when Ellen came upstairs from the basement.

"Sam's sleeping," she said, the relief evident in her voice. "Thank the Lord for having connections. Those sedatives I gave him are working wonders. Hopefully he can sleep through the worst of it."

Dean nodded, pushing aside his empty plate. "Yeah. At least now he _wants_ to get better. That has to help some."

Ellen nodded. "It does. I don't know how long it'll take before it's out of his system… but hopefully not that long."

After breakfast the group moved into the living room where Bobby had amassed a mountain of books that covered the coffee table and the floor around it. He motioned for them to take a book and sit down.

"This was everything I could find that I thought might help us," Bobby said as he picked up one of the books. "Not sure if any of them will, but it can't hurt to look."

"Figures Sammy has to be out of commission for this part," Dean grumbled as he picked up one of the leather-bound tomes.

Castiel picked up an older looking book, also leather-bound and rather thick. He doubted the book would inform him on anything he didn't already know, but he was still curious enough to read it. He was amazed; however, to discover that while he knew the material being discussed, the writing was entrancing. The book was _Dante's Inferno_ and it's descriptions of Hell were shockingly accurate, although not nearly as detailed as what he had seen himself when he had gone to rescue Dean. He became quickly absorbed in the book, practically forgetting what they were originally supposed to be doing.

Dean looked up from his book and couldn't help but smile at seeing Castiel's look of intense concentration while he read. Leave it to his angel to be a complete book-nerd! It made Dean feel better, though, to see Castiel finally looking so calm and content. He couldn't help but wish that the situation was different. That if Castiel had to fall it would have been at a different time. A time when the end of the world wasn't being held over their heads and they had to find a way to stop it. There were so many things he wanted to introduce Castiel too. Swimming in the ocean. Roller coasters. Parties. Bars. Alcohol. Girls…

OK, maybe he wasn't quite so eager to introduce Castiel to girls. He had no doubt in his mind that once the female population got a gander at the fallen angel's wide-eyed innocence they'd be falling over themselves getting to him. And, well, as much as he hated to admit it, Dean was a pretty jealous guy and the thought of another girl, or anyone else for that matter, having their hands all over _his_ angel… well… it certainly wasn't something Dean enjoyed thinking about…

Although… the thought of _watching_ Castiel get hot and heavy with someone while Dean was in the same room watching _was_ a bit of a turn on…

_Christ, I have issues_, Dean thought with a shake of his head. He forced himself push aside the images of Castiel naked with a girl on his lap and refocus on the task at hand, although it was with great difficulty.

The hours ticked by and the four were absorbed with their work, although Ellen did break away occasionally to check on Sam. It was late in the afternoon when finally Bobby set down his book and stretched his arms over his head.

"Well, I'm not getting anywhere," he said with a sigh. "All this crap is stuff we already know. Guess there's not much literature out there on how to destroy Satan himself."

He stood up and headed for the kitchen. Dean stood up and followed, relieved to have an excuse to finally stop reading.

"I guess we're going to have to try something else," Dean admitted. He flicked on the TV sitting on Bobby's kitchen counter and settled himself down at the kitchen table.

"Been searching the Internet since you called me last week and that's been a bust too," Bobby said as he began pulling stuff out of the cupboards for lunch. "Everything I found on there is crap about Jesus and how Jesus already defeated Lucifer."

Dean scowled. "Well, if Jesus already defeated Lucifer then why the hell did the fucking Apocalypse start? Maybe Jesus should get down here and take care of Satan himself and save me the trouble."

Bobby smirked at Dean's words as he got the lunch meats out of the refrigerator. Dean sighed and returned his attention to the news on the TV. He listened to the reporter talk about the story they were reporting on and slowly Dean's eyes widened. He cocked his head in confusion and sat forward in his chair, listening to TV more intently.

"Bobby," Dean said, motioning for the older hunter. "Dude, check this out."

Bobby turned around and turned the TV volume up. On the screen showed a young female reporter standing outside in what looked like a large field. There was a stage area set up with a large group of people gathered around it, watching the stage in awe. On the stage were two men. The first man was young, maybe in his late 30's. He had dark brown hair and a lean build. He was dressed in dark dress pants and a light blue dress shirt. He was talking excitedly to the crowd, gesturing wildly. He reminded Dean of the televangelists that were often on TV. Behind him sat another man, in his early 30's. He had dirty blond hair and was dressed in blue jeans and a dark green button-down shirt. His hands were clasped and resting in his lap. He was much calmer than the other man, simply sitting there and silently looking over the crowd, a small smile on his lips.

"Put aside all your sorrows and your sufferings, my friends! Our salvation is here… right here on this stage **today**! Forget about that silent God you've been praying to and hasn't given you any answers! That God is _dead_ and _forgotten_! Today, we stand before a man… no… a _new_ God! A God who we can see… can hear… can _feel_… not some far-off being in another world… our God is here _**today!**_ He has come to us and heard our cries for help! He will reward those who give themselves wholly to his service! He will heal your sicknesses and give you riches far beyond anything you have ever dreamed of! Come as you are, my friends! He cares not about those 'sins' that were always frowned upon! Our new God wants you to take in the pleasures of this world! Give in to your desires and take in the joy that this life can give you! Take in the pleasures of this world that _**he**_ will give you once you are in his service!"

At that point a frail young woman was helped onto the stage. The dark-haired man took her hand and led her to the center of the stage.

"Tell me your name, child," he said as he put his arm around her.

"Abby," she said, her voice trembling.

"Tell me what brings you here today, Abby."

Tears began to flow down the woman's cheeks.

"Well… I… I've lost everything… got into drinking… my family kicked me out of the house… my church turned their backs on me… I'm all alone… and now the doctor's tell me I have cancer… and I've been praying every day to be healed… but… but God hasn't answered!" She broke down into sobs.

The man gently patted her back and nodded understandingly. "But now, Abby… now you're here with us… forget about the false church… forget about the dead God… you now stand before our new God and he does hear your prayers!"

With these words the silent man stood up and walked to the center of the stage, watching the young girl intently. Abby stepped forward and dropped to her knees and raised her hands before him. The camera zoomed in on the pair.

"Please…" she said, "Please heal me! Let me live the rest of my life without suffering! I want my life back!"

The silent man walked over to her and rested his hands on her shoulders. She closed her eyes as he leaned forward and whispered something in her ear. Her eyes opened and she nodded emphatically.

"Yes! Yes, my Lord! I will serve you wholly and unquestioningly! I give myself entirely to you!" She exclaimed.

He nodded with a smile and cupped her face with his hands. He closed his eyes and bowed his head. Suddenly, she let out a gasp and her body lurched as though it had been jolted by a hundred volts of electricity. The pair froze for a moment before he finally stepped away and she collapsed to the floor.

The crowd was breathless for a moment before she slowly stood up, her eyes wide.

"The pain," she said in awe. "It's gone! I'm healed! _**I'm healed!**_"

The crowd erupted into cheers and applause. The dark-haired man wrapped his arms around her in a huge hug and then lifted one of her arms in triumph.

"Bear witness, my friends! Give yourself over to our new God! Our God that is here before us! That hears our cries for help! He is here _now_! He is here to bring about a new world!"

The "God" silently walked back to his chair and sat down, unaffected by the excitement he had caused. He resumed his previous position of sitting quietly in the chair hands clasped before him.

The camera flashed back to the reporter.

"This new 'God' appeared only yesterday with his friend, only known as Jasper, and has already caused quite the stir as you can see. So far, even the most hardcore skeptics have been unable to determine how this man has been able to heal the people he has come in contact with. But the people here believe they already know the answer."

The camera shot switched over to an older woman, her eyes lit up with excitement.

"It's just like Jasper says," she exclaimed excitedly. "We have a God here on Earth! He is a miracle worker in the flesh! He's here to save us all!"

The camera switched back over to the reporter.

"While the idea that this man is 'God' is in question, there is no doubt of impact he has already had on the people he's met."

The camera shot switched back over to the seated man, who smiled almost knowingly at the camera. Suddenly, from behind Dean and Bobby there was a loud bang. They both spun around to see Castiel standing in the kitchen doorway, the book he had been reading had fallen from his hands. He stared at the TV screen, his eyes wide with shock and fear.

"Cas?" Dean looked at him with concern. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"It's him," Castiel whispered in horror.

Dean felt his stomach drop. Bobby swallowed nervously.

"It's who, Castiel?" Bobby asked slowly, but Dean could already tell Bobby knew the answer.

"It's him," Castiel repeated. "It's Lucifer."

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See? Told ya I'd get more into the meat of the story! : )

Just a little disclaimer now before we go any further: this is based on my own personal beliefs and it's not meant to reflect poorly on _any_ other religion or lifestyle or any of that stuff! I'm just writing what I think the Apocalypse would be like and I think Satan would looooooove to fuck with some people, cuz, well, he could!

OK. Now that all that is out of the way, I hope you enjoyed and looking forward to the feedback! (I think!)


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"He's building his army," Castiel said quietly, looking downward at his clasped hands. "He is drawing them to him with promises of hope and salvation, none of which he intends to keep. He's preying on their fears of being unheard and forgotten. He knows humans want a God who they can see and hear and he's using it to his advantage. Once he knows that his minions will follow him to whatever end he will unleash his full powers. The world will burn and anyone who tries to oppose him will be destroyed."

They were sitting in the living room again surrounded by the now forgotten books. Bobby and Ellen were sitting silently, their faces filled with worry. Dean sat on the couch next to Castiel, his face drawn in concentration.

"But he's healing those people…" Dean said quietly.

"In exchange for their souls. They believe they are following the next Messiah. Those people have condemned themselves, even if Lucifer is stopped. The deal has been made and there is no way to break it."

Dean shook his head. "This is insane."

Castiel nodded sadly. "The man with him, Jasper, he is not possessed by any demon; he is acting of his own volition. He knows who Lucifer really is and he was most likely promised to be spared from the destruction that is to come. But Lucifer needs a human to be his mouthpiece and to help drawn in the others. Once Lucifer has achieved his goal Jasper will either be turned into another demon or killed outright. It depends on if Lucifer finds him useful enough."

Bobby cleared his throat. "Castiel, if you knew all this before, why the hell didn't you say anything?"

Castiel's gaze dropped. "I… I did not expect him to move this quickly and be so effective. To find a vessel that could contain him was a difficult task enough, but to find a human willing to be his mouthpiece is even more of a challenge. I had thought we had more time."

Dean shook his head. "It wouldn't have mattered anyway. Even if you had told us we still don't know how to stop him or destroy him. We're still at square one and he's already playing the game."

"Well, it sounds like someone is willing to consider our offer," a voice said suddenly from one side of the living room.

Castiel stiffened at the sound of the all too familiar voice. They turned to see Zachariah standing in the doorway of the living room, a smug smile on his face. He was still dressed in the crisp clean suit and his mannerisms were that of a politician who was assured of victory. Dean's eyes narrowed.

"Dean," Zachariah said with a polite smile and nod. "It's good to see you again."

Dean rose to his feet, his eyes filled with rage as he glared furiously at the angel.

"Get the _fuck_ out of here, you son of a bitch," Dean growled.

Zachariah looked at him disapprovingly. "Now, Dean, mind your manners," He said sternly, shaking his finger at him. "I think you can manage be much politer since we're going to be working together from now on."

Dean's fists were balled up in rage at his sides, his face reddening.

"You expect me to work with _you_?!" He said incredulously. "After the shit you've pulled! After you almost got my brother _killed_!"

"I believe if my memory serves me correctly it actually was Castiel who set your brother free to go after Lillith," Zachariah replied calmly.

Dean was shaking with effort to control his rage. "Oh… don't you even get me started on what you've done to Cas," he hissed furiously. "If I could I'd rip your heart out right now, you piece of shit!"

Zachariah arched an eyebrow at him. "If you understood all the circumstances, Dean, you would understand why I had to take the action I did," he replied coolly.

"Oh really?" Dean folded his defiantly arms. "Because he told me what happened, Zach. And he told me what you did, and I'm not seeing how those 'circumstances' deserved him getting tortured!"

Dean's body was rigid with tension when he suddenly felt a hand on his arm. He looked over to see Castiel's grief-filled eyes looking back at him.

"Please… don't, Dean…" He said softly.

Dean looked back to Zachariah. The angel was now looking at Castiel, his face twisted in disgust.

"Take your hands off the Chosen One, you abomination," Zachariah spat out furiously.

He glared at Castiel while Castiel quickly dropped his hand and looked away, the shame clearly evident. Dean moved to block Castiel from Zachariah's line of vision.

"Don't talk to him that way."

Zachariah looked at Dean calmly.

"I call it as I see it, Dean. And I am quite sure Castiel managed to omit a few important details about what led to his demotion. Correct, Castiel?"

Castiel didn't respond nor did he look up from the floor. Zachariah let out a derisive laugh.

"Pitiful," He sneered. "I should finish the job Simiel failed to do."

He took a step towards the fallen angel but Dean quickly stepped in front of his path, his body tense, ready for a confrontation. Even Bobby and Ellen moved, Bobby to stand behind, but next to Dean and Ellen to Castiel's side.

"You touch him… and you can be sure I will _never_ help you, Zachariah!" Dean said warningly. "And I will let Lucifer destroy the world."

Zachariah looked back at him, a smirk on his lips.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah," Dean replied, taking a step closer. "That's so."

Zachariah took a step closer to Dean.

"So you're telling me you are willing to trust this… _thing_…" He gestured towards Castiel. "Who has lied and betrayed you? You really believe that he can actually help you defeat Lucifer without our help?"

Dean gave Zachariah a confident smirk.

"I trust him more than I'll ever trust any of you other angels. And, yeah, he's gonna help me defeat Lucifer. And it'll be without your help."

Now Zachariah let out a bark of laughter.

"Please! You must be joking! You expect to defeat Lucifer with a fallen angel, an old man past his prime, a harlot who can't control her own whelp, and a man addicted to demon's blood! That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!"

Dean stared back at him calmly.

"Yep. That's exactly how I'm going to do it."

Zachariah shook his head in disbelief.

"Your brother himself is worthless! He can't even function right now!"

"Actually, I think I'm functioning pretty damn good at the moment."

Everyone turned in shock. There stood Sam in the opposite doorway, leaning against the frame. His face was pale and sweaty and his eyes had dark circles under them. Despite this, he had a defiant smirk on his lips.

"Sam?" Dean said nervously as he took a step towards him. "How did you get out?"

"Ellen left the door open so she could hear if I needed anything," Sam replied, his gaze never leaving Zachariah. "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere."

He gave a nod of his head towards Zachariah and his smile broadened.

"But he is. Wanna see what I've learned in my books?"

Before anyone could respond Sam stepped forward and swung the door shut behind him. His right hand, which had been hidden from view, could now be seen dripping blood and a familiar bloody symbol was drawn on the door. Zachariah's eyes widened.

"No!"

Sam quickly finished the symbol and slammed his hand in the center. Zachariah suddenly disappeared in a flash of bright light. The room fell deathly quiet.

"Holy crap."

Sam couldn't help but chuckle at Dean's reaction as he collapsed weakly into a chair.

"Thought that would come in handy eventually."

Ellen rushed quickly to Sam side and began wrapping his hand with a nearby towel. Bobby shook his head in amazement.

"Just when I think I've seen it all," He said with a sigh.

"You OK, Sam?" Dean asked with worry.

Sam gave a dismissive wave with his uninjured hand.

"Fine. This second detox actually isn't as bad. I think it might be the drugs Ellen gave me. Or the fact that I know how screwed up drinking demon blood actually is now. Or maybe both." Sam turned to look at Castiel. "You OK, Castiel?"

Castiel nodded his face slightly pale. "I… I'm fine. Thank you, Sam."

Dean shook his head and ran his hand over his face.

"Dude, we have to do something. Lucifer is already way ahead of us and now the freaking angels are after us. We still need to keep looking for answers, but we also have to figure out what exactly Lucifer is up to. And, as much as it sucks, we're not going to figure it out by sitting here."

Sam arched an eyebrow at him.

"You mind filling me in?"

"Lucifer is recruiting followers by healing them in exchange for their souls," Bobby said quickly. "He's working with some guy named Jasper who helping to suck people in."

Sam nodded slowly and looked at Dean. He sighed.

"I already know what you're thinking, Dean, and it's crazy."

Ellen looked up at Sam and then looked at Dean.

"What are you thinking?" She asked nervously.

Dean smiled weakly and Sam shook his head.

"He wants to go to where they're recruiting the people and see what's going on," Sam said with a sigh.

Ellen and Bobby looked at Dean in shock.

"Have you lost your mind, boy!?" Bobby yelled. "You can't just walk into that place! You're the one who's supposed to kill Lucifer! You think they're not going to try to axe you as soon as you step foot there!?"

"They won't hurt him."

Every turned to look at Castiel. He still didn't look up.

"Lucifer is full of pride. He doesn't believe a mere mortal can defeat him so he doesn't view Dean as a threat. But he also won't allow his followers to kill him. He believes the fight should be between him and Dean alone. If anyone were to attack him Lucifer would see it as a personal affront."

Bobby frowned. "And how the hell do you know that?"

"Because Lucifer was once one of my brethren and I knew him well. His pride was legendary. He will not go after Dean if Dean doesn't try to attack him."

Dean took a deep breath. "So then it's settled. Sam and I will go."

Sam let out a bitter laugh.

"Dean, there's no way I'm going. I may feel alright, but I'm not exactly 100% yet. That'd be like throwing an alcoholic in a room with an open bar. It'd be over in seconds."

Dean hesitated, but sighed as he knew Sam was right.

"Fine then. You stay and Ellen will stay to keep an eye on you. Bobby, you keep researching. Look for any information that might help us. Castiel will come with me."

Castiel's head jerked up in surprise. "I am?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, you are. So go pack a bag cuz we're leaving pronto."

Bobby shook his head. "Dean, I don't like this one bit."

Dean sighed. "I know. I know. But I don't see any other options. Don't worry." He gave Bobby a weak smile. "We'll be fine."

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Have I ever mentioned how awesome my loyal readers are? : )

Thanks for all the feedback! I got a few comments about Jasper and I have to say that he's not really modeled after anyone specifically and there's no particular meaning behind the name other than I thought it sounded cool! The idea, though, is based on Biblical reference of there being many false-prophets during the End times.

I also must say that I did borrow that bit with Sam from somewhere… but I'm not saying where! ; ) I wanted to give Sam a little something badass to do, though, since he's going to be sidelined for a while.

Keep the feedback coming cuz it keeps me honest and makes me happy to know you guys are still reading! : )


	20. Chapter 20

OK. Before the chapter starts, I would just like to say I know _nothing_ about the actual tattooing process. Yes, my dear hubby has multiple tattoos, but I wasn't with him when he got them done and I have none myself. So, I can only go off of what I have been told, which ain't that much! So if I'm really off in my writing that would be the reason why! : )

Thanks and I hope you enjoy!

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Chapter 20

Having Castiel with him to try to investigate Lucifer actually wasn't a terrible as Dean had feared. Granted, it had felt a little strange at first. The only people he had ever traveled with for any length of time had been his father and Sam and, on occasion, Bobby. Throw in some simmering underlying sexual tension into the mix and Dean was sure _something_ would go wrong.

Fortunately, nothing had. Castiel was still adjusting to his new human status, but he was coping with it surprisingly well. He was often guilty of staring at people a longer than a normal person would, but a normal person wasn't trying to learn how to fit in to regular world. Castiel had learned how to dress like a regular human, eat like a human, and was even beginning to pick up more human mannerisms, such actually laughing a little when Dean made a joke.

He was still skittish in certain situations. Anytime they went somewhere that was crowded Castiel would sit rigid in his seat, trying to watch everyone around him, his eyes full of fear. He was also anxious around women, particularly if they were the extra friendly type who touched while they flirted. Castiel would always look to Dean desperately for help, but Dean would only chuckle and shake his head. Dean couldn't blame the clueless women. Castiel's blue eyes brimmed with innocence and his sweet demeanor was incredibly enduring. Dean was all too aware of how desirable Castiel was and it only seemed to grow with each passing day.

Today, however, there would be no crowds of people the fallen angel would have to endure. They were still about a two days drive from Lucifer's camp and Dean was determined to make sure that he didn't miss any important details for his preparation. And ensuring Castiel's safety was a key point in Dean's preparation process.

They pulled up in front of the small tattoo parlor. Castiel looked uneasily at the brightly colored sign reading _Mad Pup Tattoo Parlor. _The building itself looked slightly rundown and it was out in the middle of nowhere. There was only one other car in the parking lot.

"Dean… is this really necessary?"

Dean nodded as he opened the door.

"We're gonna be surrounded by demons, Cas, and I'm guessing since you lost your angel mojo you're gonna be at risk for being possessed. We do this and at least we won't have worry about it."

Castiel reluctantly got out of the car and followed Dean inside. He was secretly relieved to see that the inside of the building looking a lot cleaner than the outside. Directly in front of them was a counter covered with various books and magazines about tattoos. The walls were lined with different tattoos designs from various genres to choose from. Behind the counter sat a rather large man with a bald head and arms covered with tattoos of dragons winding their way up, disappearing beneath his t-shirt. He looked up when he heard Dean and Castiel enter.

"Afternoon, gentlemen," He said with a polite nod. "How can I help you?"

"Hi," Dean replied. He motioned towards Castiel. "My friend here wants a tattoo."

The man looked Castiel over and nodded. "Do you have idea of what you want or did you want to look around first?"

Dean reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper which he handed to the man.

"He wants this."

The man studied the picture for a moment before nodding. He then looked over at Castiel who still had a look of trepidation.

"You sure you want this, sir?" The man asked warningly. "Cuz its permanent, ya know. I can't take it back once it's done."

Castiel glanced nervously at Dean before looking back at the man and nodding nervously.

"Yes, sir. I… I do want it."

The man sighed and shrugged. "OK, then. You want this to scale with this picture?"

Dean nodded. "That size, right here." He pointed to his chest on the left side, just under his collar bone.

The man nodded. "For a price… well, this your first tattoo?"

Dean chuckled and nodded. Castiel nodded as well. The man looked over the picture again and shrugged.

"The design ain't that hard to replicate… and since it's your first I'll give you a discount. How does $75 sound?"

Dean nodded. "Sounds good." Castiel swallowed nervously and nodded in agreement.

"Alright. Come on over and have a seat. The name's Todd, by the way."

"I'm Dean. And this is Cas."

"Nice to meet you both. Have a seat here, Cas, and take your shirt off for me."

Todd turned and began getting his tools ready. Castiel sat down in the black tattoo chair when the request was made for him to take off his shirt. His face paled and he shot an anxious look at Dean.

"Relax, Cas," Dean murmured reassuringly. "It's OK. He needs you to so he can actually do the tattoo! Don't worry."

Castiel frowned nervously, but finally with great reluctance took off his jacket and pulled his t-shirt over his head and then off. He couldn't help, however, trying to cover himself with it while he waited. Finally, Todd came over with his table of supplies and sat down on the rolling chair next to Castiel.

"Let's get started!"

Despite the initial nervousness, Castiel was beginning to think getting a tattoo wasn't so bad. Todd was busy lightly drawing the design onto his skin, which didn't hurt at all. And Dean was staying close by, making sure everything was OK. Maybe he had been worrying for nothing.

And then Todd got out the tattooing pen. And then he started actually applying the real tattoo.

The fiery pain from the needle radiated through Castiel's skin. He bit his lower lip and closed his eyes, trying to push the pain from his mind. Granted, the pain of his grace being cut out was far worse. That experience had been sheer agony! But still, this was still incredibly painful and Castiel was beginning to wonder if he would be able to go through with all of it.

"Cas, you need to breathe," He heard Dean say firmly. Castiel managed to take in a ragged breath of air and he felt Dean pat his shoulder.

"Hang in there, man. You're doing good."

"Yeah, you are," Todd said in agreement. "I've had guys twice your size pass out the second I touched them with the needle!"

"I've dealt with pain before," Castiel said quietly through clenched teeth.

"Here, Cas," Dean said.

Castiel felt the opening of a bottle touch his lips. He took a long sip and suddenly the pain began to lessen and a warmth filled him. He let out a small relieved sigh.

It took an hour total for the tattoo to be completed. Castiel required a few more sips of the Holy Water in order to get through the process, but he managed and was soon sporting a new anti-possession tattoo.

"Keep it clean and moist," Todd told him while ringing them up. "It'll keep it looking better long-term."

As soon as they were outside Dean cheerfully threw his arm around Castiel's shoulder, beaming proudly.

"Look at you, Cas! Got yourself your first tattoo! The Rebel Angel!"

Castiel felt a blush rising into his cheeks from both Dean's words and the hunter's close proximity.

"I only got it because I needed it," Castiel replied shyly.

Dean chuckled. "Yeah. But now you're all bad-ass cuz you got a tattoo! I bet you get more! You'll have as many as Todd in there! All the girls will be after you even more cuz you'll be a bad boy then!"

Castiel felt his face grow redder. "I'm not getting anymore!"

"Good thing! The girls are already too crazy over you!" Dean laughed as he got into the car.

Castiel couldn't help but feel embarrassed, but as he got into the car he also felt a feeling of joy at having Dean's undivided attention. It was something he knew would soon be addicted to.

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Yes, I know this is a little short! But I have to work tomorrow and I have to get some sleep! I promise to update soon! There's going to be one more "prepping" chapter (unless you guys really want more or give me ideas for more!) and then it'll be time to go meet Lucifer! And, boy, I sooo can't wait to write that chapter! : )

Thanks for reading! And feedback is so awesome! Don't be shy!


	21. Chapter 21

The following chapter I completely blame on two of my loyal readers (they know who they are!)! One wanted to know what happened to Jimmy and the other requested more bonding time between Dean and Castiel by going and seeing some roadside attraction. After much research I found an attraction that I thought would work perfectly to bring the two requests together in an interesting chapter! I hope you enjoy! : )

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Chapter 21

Dean was driving down the interstate when Castiel suddenly sat up and pointed to a sign coming up.

"Dean! I want to stop there!"

Dean frowned as he read the sign before they flew past it. _Great Passion Play Theme Park?_ He looked over at Castiel and gave him a look of, _Are you kidding me?_

Castiel remained undeterred.

"Please, Dean. I want to go there."

"What the hell is it?" Dean asked with a confused frown.

"It is a place that explains great historical events from the Bible," Castiel calmly replied.

Dean arched an eyebrow at him. "Uh… Cas, weren't you _there_ for all those things in the Bible?"

"Yes."

"So why the hell would you want to go to some cheesy roadside theme park about it?"

Castiel hesitated for a moment. He finally sighed reluctantly.

"Because… Jimmy went there at one time with Amelia and Claire. It brought him a great deal of joy and he retained fond memories of the trip as did Claire. They both shared their memories of this place with me during their times as vessels to me. I would like to visit it myself now."

The car fell silent. Dean didn't say anything when he took the exit ramp that would take them to the theme park. They drove several miles with only the music being the only sound in the car.

"So…" Dean finally said as they followed the signs that were directing them. "I guess I never really thought to ask…"

"Jimmy is at peace now," Castiel replied quietly before Dean could finish. His gaze remained focused on the road in front of them. "His soul was released when my grace was removed. We both could not occupy the same vessel in those circumstances and since Jimmy was already granted salvation he left and went home to his just reward."

"Oh," was all Dean could think to say.

"I am actually glad for it. I hated how much he and his family were forced to suffer so much already. I would could not bear it if he to suffer more because of the… choices I have made."

Dean frowned. "You made the choices you did because you had to. Because they were the right thing to do."

Castiel opened his mouth to argue when he saw Dean's jaw suddenly drop.

"Holy crap, what the heck is that!?"

_That_ in which Dean was referring to was a 67 feet tall white statue of Jesus with his arms outspread. Dean stared at it dumbfounded while he pulled into the parking lot and parked.

"That's Jesus," Castiel replied calmly.

Dean shot Castiel a look. "No shit."

Castiel actually chuckled at Dean's response. "Come on, Dean. There are many things here I want to show you!"

Dean followed Castiel and couldn't help but feel amused at seeing Castiel so excited to see something. The fallen angel's eyes were lit up in a way Dean couldn't even recall ever seeing and he was bounding out ahead of him, eager to go in. Dean decided that if this was going to make Castiel happy, no matter how hokey it was, he would tolerate it for Castiel's sake.

After Dean paid for their tickets Castiel practically dragged him over to the base of the statue in his eagerness to show it to him.

"So that's Jesus?" Dean asked, trying not to laugh.

Castiel nodded. "That actually looks nothing like him… except his eyes. I remember when he was put to death, his eyes looked like that. He was tired especially after all he had been through."

Dean stared at him for a moment in surprise.

"So… you know Jesus?"

Castiel looked back at him and nodded. "Yes."

"Oh."

"He's nothing like the man you humans have made him out to be."

Dean arched an eyebrow at him. "Really?"

Castiel nodded. "The stories of Jesus are true, of course. But you humans tend to write things in a way in which the masses would find appealing instead of the truth. The prophets wrote God's word, but they didn't always write the complete truths."

They began making their way to a tall white building that Castiel explained was the Bible Museum. Dean didn't really see what the big deal was about a room full of Bibles. Then he saw just how many Bibles there actually were.

"Wow," Dean said in amazement as he looked around.

Castiel began pointing out different Bibles and tell Dean their stories.

"Every one of them tells my Father's story," Castiel explained. "But each in their own way, really never two the same. Humans choose what they want to believe and adjust their faith accordingly. Some people feel the need to see Father as a tyrant. A being who strikes down the wicked when He is displeased. Others see Him as the Great Forgiver. A being that is willing to love them as they are flaws and all."

"So who is He really?" Dean asked quietly.

He could see a flash of grief in Castiel's eyes at the question. Castiel looked somberly at the Bible in the glass case in front of him.

"I… I don't know anymore," He replied quietly.

Both men were quiet for a moment, looking at the partially ruined Bible in the case. Slowly, a small smile creeped onto Castiel's lips.

"I remember this Bible," He said softly. "It was chosen for a specific purpose. A small miracle. Its covers were destroyed by wood beetles. But before they could eat the actual pages I was instructed to wipe them away and keep the book safe until it was found."

Dean glanced at Castiel in confusion.

"That's great, Cas. But why would you do that?"

"Because it would eventually inspire a man to change his life. This Bible was the proof of God's power that he was so desperately seeking. He changed his life and became a devout follower of the Lord until his death."

"So, you did all that just for one guy?"

Castiel nodded. "That one man went on to inspire thousands, Dean."

His smile broadened and he eagerly tugged Dean's arm.

"I want you to see the tour," Castiel said excitedly. "It's long, but you'll like it."

He pulled Dean through the crowd which was surprising large considering that Dean had never even heard of this place before. Once outside Castiel led him over to where an electric tram was waiting for passengers. Dean and Castiel climbed on and sat down. Dean had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing at Castiel's childlike enthusiasm for the place.

The tour turned out to be a trip through a replicated Holy Land from the Bible. As the tour guide began pointing out different sights to the visitors Castiel began telling Dean stories about what had actually happened.

"Moses was a good man. A brave man really. He wasn't anything you humans today would admire or follow. He wasn't very good-looking and his speech was terribly difficult to understand at times, especially when he was nervous. It was only when he would relax and allow the power of Father to take hold and speak through him that his words would gain power and command attention."

"Did he really part the Red Sea?" Dean asked, his interest piqued.

Castiel laughed. "No, but it did appear that way to the humans there. That was the angel Elyon. He was the angel who brought the Lord's wrath down upon Egypt and helped deliver Moses and his people to safety. That was his assignment."

Dean settled back and smiled as Castiel continued to recount his stories. Dean had never really had an interest in Bible stories before. Of course, he had never believed they were true before. Now, he was actually talking to someone who had been there. Who really had seen the events unfold. And, surprisingly, Castiel was proving to be an amazing storyteller. His warm, deep voice kept Dean entranced as he went from story to story. It was also apparent that Castiel was thriving on the attention Dean was giving him. He was eager to keep talking for as long as Dean would listen.

By the end of the trip Dean felt like for the first time he actually got to know a whole new side of Castiel that he had never been privy to. A deeper, more knowledgeable Castiel who had a real passion for the human race and everything the humans had done. As they got off the tram Dean couldn't help but wish that things could be different. He wished that they had more time to spend together and get to know each other.

The final attraction Castiel brought him to was the Museum of Earth History.

"The man who created this museum had good intentions," Castiel explained to Dean. "He insisted that evolution was false and that Father created everything as you see it today."

"And that's not true?" Dean asked.

Castiel smiled ruefully. "Not everything comes out perfectly the first time."

"So is that what happened with the platypus?"

Castiel actually laughed at that statement.

"The platypus was actually a joke some of the angels came up with. It was actually Uriel's idea originally."

"Dude, you're kidding."

"I told you Uriel was the funniest angel in the garrison."

Dean couldn't help but shake his head and laugh as they continued through the museum.

"So, you got to see the dinosaurs?" Dean asked as he pointed to one of the displays.

Castiel nodded. "Yes. Amazing creatures. I remember it being told that Father was quite pleased with that creation."

"So what happened to them? Why did they all die off?"

Castiel frowned and cocked his head in confusion. "Only the earth-bound dinosaurs were destroyed. Those that reside in the ocean still exist."

Dean stared at Castiel in shock. "Wait, so you're saying there's still dinosaurs around?"

Castiel nodded as if it were the most obvious fact ever. "Of course! Some of the creatures still prefer freshwater lakes, however. They reach them through underwater channels. Certainly you have heard of the lake creatures known as Loch Ness and Champy?"

Dean shook his head in amazement. "I can't believe it."

"But it's true!" Castiel replied sounding obviously hurt.

Dean laughed at Castiel's reaction. "That's not what I meant, Cas! I believe you! It's just… I can't believe I actually know someone who knows all the world's secrets! Wait… so you know if there really is a Sasquatch?"

Castiel looked at Dean quizzically and nodded. "Of course there is. They are just very timid creatures and wish to not be disturbed. They have keen senses of smell and hide when humans are present."

By the end of the visit to the theme park both Dean and Castiel were in high spirits. It was becoming dark as they made their way back to the car and were ready to find a motel to turn in for the night.

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OK, while I can't help but feeling slightly blasphemous for some of the stuff I wrote, I have to admit, that chapter was a lot of fun to write! : )

Just for the record, Castiel's stories are just my own personal views and ideas. Also, this theme park is a real place in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. I must say after reading everything about it in order to write this chapter I'm actually tempted to check it out some day!

Hope you enjoyed reading this. If you have any other ideas for stuff you want Dean and Castiel to do before the big meeting let me know! I'll do my best to include it if I can make it work!

Thanks for all your awesome feedback and your support! : )


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

_"Semoveo vestri patientia , meus frater."_

_His voice ever calm. Ever soothing…_

_"Ego sum hic iuvo vos."_

_It was so hard to ignore him. It was so hard to say no…_

_"Ego mos exsequor vos , Castiel. Permissum mihi vindico qui no vos sino."_

_Castiel wanted to say yes. He yearned to say yes. The desire to stop fighting ached within him…_

_"Adeo mihi , meus frater. Ego mos tribuo vos totus vestri pectus pectoris votum…"_

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Castiel woke up with a gasp. He was bathed in sweat again and his heart pounded loudly in his ears. He looked around frantically before he remembered where he was. The motel. Ten miles outside of Eureka Springs, Arkansas. He tried to calm down when he heard the key in the lock and looked up to see Dean come in carrying a cup holder with two coffees and a bag of McDonald's food. Dean looked over and saw the anxious look on Castiel's face and immediately was concerned.

"Hey," Dean said as he set the food down quickly and went over to Castiel's bed. "What's wrong? Are you OK?"

"Yes," Castiel said quickly, embarrassed about Dean's concern.

"Are you sure? Are you in pain or something?" Dean asked insistently.

Castiel shook his head. "No. No, I'm not in pain. It… it was just a… bad dream."

Dean looked at him carefully, his face still full of worry.

"What was the dream about?"

Castiel's stomach tightened. He still hadn't told Dean about his dreams of Lucifer. Mainly because of how much the dreams still terrified him. He was afraid that they were a sign of Lucifer's corruption upon him that he was beginning to change despite all his efforts not to. And he was terrified of what Dean would do if he found out.

"Just…" Castiel moistened his lips nervously. "That night… with the archangel…"

Dean seemed satisfied with that answer. He nodded thoughtfully.

"Well, you don't have to worry about that now. Come on, I got us breakfast. Why don't you go get cleaned up first, alright?"

Castiel nodded and got out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He splashed some cold water on his face and then looked at his reflection in the small mirror over the sink. He looked… tired. And afraid. Always afraid.

He sighed and lowered his head. How long had it been since he had been able to exist without the constant fear that now always plagued him? He knew there had been a time when he had been confident. He had no doubts about what he could do and that the outcome would be favorable.

But now… now he just felt like a coward. He was always running. Always hiding behind Dean. He had been a soldier of the Lord for thousands of years. Now, in just less than a year, just a few events had managed to turn him into something not fit for his Father to have to see.

Castiel dragged himself out of the bathroom and went out into the main room where Dean was eating and watching the TV.

"Here. I got those hash browns you love so much," Dean said taking more food out of the bag. "Eat up. Got a busy day ahead of us."

Castiel looked at the food in front of him. He wasn't hungry. He was too depressed to feel hungry. He fingered the greasy wrapper on his food before he finally spoke.

"I don't want to live this way anymore, Dean," Castiel said quietly.

Dean looked up at him startled. "What? Wait… what are you talking about? The motels and the fast food?"

Castiel shook his head. "I do not like the… person I am. I am always afraid, Dean. I am afraid the other angels will find us. I am afraid of what Lucifer is doing. I am afraid when we go out and are among other humans. I…" Castiel swallowed hard. "I'm afraid of losing you and being left alone."

Dean stared at him silently for a moment.

"Cas… you don't need to be afraid all the time. I mean, I understand about the angels and Lucifer and that stuff. I have to admit… that shit scares me too sometimes. Cuz I don't know how all this is going to wind up. But you don't need to be scared when we go out. No one's gonna hurt you while I'm with you."

Dean gave him a small smile. "And, trust me; I'm not going to leave you alone. I mean, come on! Who the hell else can I go to the Jesus theme park with who can give me a first-hand version of what went down?"

"But if something happened to you-"

"Nothing is going to happen to me. And even if something did, I know you could take care of yourself and get yourself back to Bobby's."

"No, Dean-"

Dean let out and exasperated sigh. He pushed himself away from the table and stood up.

"Alright. That's it."

Castiel froze, unsure of what to think of Dean's sudden action. "That's what?"

"I'm gonna teach you how to take care of yourself. And we're going to start off with self-defense. So get up."

Castiel hesitantly rose to his feet and followed Dean into the center of the room. "Dean, I don't understand."

"If you want to survive out there the first thing you need to be able to do is defend yourself in a fight," Dean said staring firmly at Castiel. "So that's what we're going to do. I'm going to teach you how to fight."

Castiel frowned. "But I already know how to fight."

"Have you fought since you lost your angel mojo?"

"Well… no."

"OK, then. So, now you're going to learn." Dean took a fighting stance and motioned for Castiel with both hands. "Go ahead and hit me."

Castiel stared at Dean as if he had grown two heads. "What?"

"Take a swing at me."

"But I might hurt you."

"Just hit me, Cas. Trust me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Hit me."

Castiel hesitated a moment before finally swinging to punch Dean in the face. Before he made contact, however, Dean neatly blocked the punch and shoved Castiel aside.

"See? All about defense," Dean said with a confident smirk. Which was quickly wiped off his face when Castiel snagged him behind the knee with his foot and knocked him to the floor.

Now Castiel had a smug smirk on his face.

"Is that better, Dean?" Castiel asked innocently.

Dean looked at him with surprise, but slowly a pleased smile touched his lips.

"Oh, it's on now, Angel Boy!"

Dean dove and grabbed Castiel around the waist and hauled him down to the floor. Castiel quickly worked to try and squirm his way out of Dean's grasp with no success. So then Castiel moved to try to pin Dean beneath him. Dean kept Castiel's arms firmly pinned to his sides and tried to capture his legs with his own.

"Give up!" Dean grunted with effort.

"You give up!"

"Winchesters never give up!"

"Neither do angels!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

They continued to struggle against each other on the floor. Then Dean discovered by accident that Castiel sides were rather ticklish and quickly used that attack to render the fallen angel helpless against his assault. Castiel was howling with laughter when Dean flipped him on his back and triumphantly pinned his hands over his head with one hand while still tickling him.

"Surrender!" Dean demanded.

"N-n-no!" Castiel gasped as he struggled.

"I'll tickle you more!"

"Fine!" Castiel finally relented.

Dean let go of his hands and propped himself up above Castiel, a pleased grin on his face.

"See? You need more work!"

"You cheated!" Castiel protested as he wiped away the tears of laughter from his face.

"Hey, all's fair in love and war! Doesn't matter how I won. I won!"

Both men chuckled for a moment. Then Castiel became acutely aware of Dean's closeness to him. His body was still pinning Castiel's to the floor and his face was mere inches away. Castiel felt his face grow warm and desperately tried to wish away the stirring sensations in his groin. Dean didn't move. He eyes seemed fixed on Castiel's.

"You OK?" Dean asked his voice suddenly quiet and husky.

Castiel managed to nod, not trusting his voice to speak. He wanted to raise himself up just a little further and kiss those soft, full lips that were there just teasing him. He wanted to thrust against Dean's strong body, desperate for the sensations the welcome friction would cause…

Suddenly, Dean's cell phone cut through the silence in the room. Dean quickly got up to answer it and Castiel had to stifle the groan that the loss of Dean's warmth caused.

"Hello? Hey, Bobby… no, we're good… find anything new yet?... damn… yeah, nothing new here… we're almost there, just trying to get ourselves ready… yeah, Cas is fine…"

Castiel quickly managed to stand on his trembling legs. He sat back down at the table and took a sip of the cooling coffee, trying not to think about what had just happened.

"Alright, Bobby. Keep me posted."

Dean hung up and sat down with Castiel.

"So nothing new yet," Dean sighed. "Sam's good. He seems to be over the worst of the detox now."

"That's good, Dean," Castiel replied quickly.

Dean nodded. He then looked at Castiel and grinned.

"So… now that you've proved you do have some fight in you, how about we go to the next phase? Ever shoot a gun?"

* * *

The rest of the day seemed to fly by. By the time the sun was setting Castiel felt a new wave of confidence that he hadn't felt in a long time. Dean had taught him how to load and shoot all of the guns stored in the Impala which Castiel had to admit was a rather exhilarating experience. He was also happy to realize that he still retained all of his knowledge regarding warding spells and drawing protective symbols. Suddenly, he didn't feel quite so weak and helpless as he had that morning.

They had each finished their respective showers and Castiel was laying on one of the beds. Dean stood in the bathroom doorway when suddenly he smiled broadly.

"Get dressed, Cas," Dean announced.

Castiel sat up, frowning. "Going out?"

Dean nodded, smiling mischievously. "There's still one more thing you need to work out."

Castiel cocked his head in confusion. "What?"

"Girls."

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Oh yeah! Our boys are going out on the town! *evil evil grin* Our sweet little angel is going to get corrupted just a little bit more cuz, well, I'm the author and I can! : )

Translation of Latin:

_Set aside your suffering, my brother. I am here to help you. I will avenge you, Castiel. Let me punish those who made you suffer. Come to me, my brother. I will give you all your heart's desires._


	23. Chapter 23

_Ahem!_ WARNING! Here there be smut aplenty! This smut includes the following: Dean/OC, Castiel/OC, and both Dean and Castiel watching each other with their respective OC's. And just a smidgeon of jealousy. Confused? Read on! *evil grin*

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Chapter 23

The club was full of people dancing to the music that throbbed over the speakers. The room was dimly lit save for the lights flashing around the DJ and across the dance floor. Castiel felt his stomach knot with trepidation, but Dean's eyes were lit up with excitement as he grabbed Castiel's arm and quickly dragged him through the crowd to the bar.

"Trust me, Cas!" Dean yelled to him over the music once they reached the bar. "This is the place to learn how to pick up women! You can just sit back, watch how they act, and then just start reeling them in!"

Dean managed to flag down the bartender while Castiel looked back nervously at the crowd behind them.

"I'll take a whiskey on the rocks and my friend here…" Dean glanced back at Castiel before grinning broadly. "How about we start him off with a rum and coke?"

"Dean," Castiel said anxiously. "I don't think this is a good idea."

Dean chuckled and gave Castiel a friendly pat on the back.

"It is a good idea, trust me! You're gonna enjoy this! It'll be fun!"

Dean took their drinks when they arrived and passed Castiel his. Castiel hesitated for a moment as he studied the dark liquid before he finally took a sip. He made a slight face at its taste.

"What is this?"

"Alcohol. Trust me; this'll help you relax a little."

"Can't I have my other beverage?"

Dean shot him a look. "You're not drinking Holy Water at a bar!"

Castiel pouted, but reluctantly went back to drinking the rum and coke. Dean took a sip of his drink and began scanning the club.

"Now, when we get a girl over here just be cool, alright? Just smile, be polite, and ask stuff about her. And compliment her. Girls like compliments," Dean explained.

"Why do I need to talk to a girl?" Castiel asked.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Because you need to hook up with a girl so you can loosen up a little!"

Castiel cocked his head in confusion. "Hook up?"

"Have sex."

Castiel's eyes widened. "You expect me to have carnal relations with a woman I only just met?"

"Yes."

"But that's a sin!"

"Yeah, but its one hell of a nice sin!"

"Dean, I can't do this!"

Dean looked at Castiel and smiled patiently. Castiel couldn't help but feel some of his fears melt away when Dean looked at him that way.

"Cas, I promise to make sure you enjoy this tonight and that nothing bad is going to happen. I want you to have this experience. Sex is supposed to fun and feel good. I want you to feel good, especially after all the shit you've been through. Just give it a chance, OK?"

Castiel caught himself before blurting out how Dean could go about making him feel good. He blushed and focused on the drink in his hand. Dean simply chuckled and began watching the crowd again.

It wasn't long before Castiel felt the tension slowly start unwinding from his body. The crowds weren't as bad as he had originally feared and everyone seemed intent on their own business. The alcohol from his drink had helped to melt away his fears and made him even more aware of Dean's presence… the way the hunter's fingers wrapped around his drink… the smile on his lips…

"There we go," Dean suddenly murmured.

Castiel followed his gaze and saw two young women sitting at a nearby table watching them. Their heads were close together as they talked and both smiled at the two men. Castiel felt himself blush. Suddenly, they both got up and walked over to them.

"Hi," the first woman, a blonde, said with a bright smile. "My name is Kari and this is my friend, Allie."

"Hi," Dean replied, flashing his trademark flirty smile. "I'm Dean and this is my friend, Cas."

Kari seemed quite taken by Dean and moved in closer to him. Allie, who had dark brown hair and hazel eyes moved closer to Castiel and smiled.

"Hi," Allie said as she brushed up against him. "Nice to meet you."

"Hi," Castiel replied somewhat shyly.

"You from around here?"

"No… my friend and I are just passing through."

Allie smiled coyishly and moved in closer. Her top was low cut and Castiel could see the curve of her breasts nearly falling out of the fabric. She was attractive. There was no denying that fact. He took a deep breath as he tried to remember everything Dean had instructed him to do.

"Your top is very pretty," Castiel blurted out.

Allie's smile widened and she pressed herself closer to Castiel.

"Thanks." She glanced at Castiel's now-empty glass and jiggled her own.

"Wanna do some shots?" She asked eagerly.

Castiel had no idea what a shot was, but he suddenly felt Dean lean up against the side of him and slip something into his pocket.

"Kari and I are gonna go dance! Go buy you and your girl some more drinks! I'll just be right over there, OK?"

Castiel felt a bolt of pleasure course through him at the sensation of Dean's intimate touch. He swallowed nervously and nodded. Dean gave him a grin and a wink before allowing Kari to lead him out to the dance floor.

Castiel found that Dean had given him plenty of cash to buy whatever drinks he and Allie would want. He also learned that tequila shots, although they didn't taste all that pleasant, left him feeling very warm inside and very good. He also learned that Allie was actually a very nice girl and had a lot to talk about, including her job, her family, her stupid ex-fiancé (which was why she was at the bar tonight), her hobbies, and all her friends. Castiel listened intently, or tried to. The alcohol was making it somewhat difficult to focus, but he didn't really mind. Allie kept herself pressed up against his body and would lightly stroke his arm while she talked sending shivers of pleasure up his spine. Maybe Dean was right. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea.

Suddenly, a new song came on over the speakers and Allie's eyes lit up with excitement.

"Ooh! I _love_ this song! Let's dance!" She grabbed his hand and began pulling him to the dance floor.

Castiel felt a flash of nervousness as he allowed himself to be pulled through the crowd. Dance? He didn't know how to dance! That was definitely something he had never tried before! Allie, however, either could sense his uneasiness or naturally liked to take control. Once they reached a spot next to Dean and Kari Allie wrapped her arms around Castiel and began moving her hips against Castiel's sensuously. The sensations her actions caused sent bolts of pleasure shooting through his body. He closed his eyes and moaned. Allie smirked.

"You like that, Cas?" she murmured against his ear.

He nodded and pulled her in closer, his hips moving with hers unconsciously. She reached up and tangled her fingers in his hair and pulled him down to her in a kiss.

Her kisses were nothing like Dean's. Her lips were softer and her kisses were somewhat sloppier than Dean's. But that did not diminish the pleasurable sensations that kissing brought about. Castiel began kissing her back, parting his lips and allowing her tongue to sweep along them and taste the lingering alcohol. He moaned and pulled her in tighter, lust burning through him. He wanted more. He wanted that sweet release he had felt with Dean. While he wanted Dean more, this girl was here and willing. And Castiel wanted more. Needed more.

He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Dean standing there, his free arm wrapped around Kari's waist. A small smile was on his face as he took in Castiel's flushed cheeks.

"We're going back to the motel," Dean said quickly. "Let's go!"

Castiel nodded, accepting the statement without hesitation. He turned back to Allie.

"I guess we're leaving," Castiel said to her, his voice slightly slurred.

She smiled back at him and ran her hand up his chest.

"Good," she purred back. "I'd rather do it on a bed anyways."

She quickly led him out of the club before his brain fully registered what she had just said. His heart was thundering in his chest when they finally got outside. He spotted Dean and Kari over by the Impala. Dean had her pressed up against the front passenger door as he made out with her and she had one leg up and hooked around his waist. Castiel felt a mixture of jealousy at seeing someone else touching and kissing Dean, but he also couldn't help but feel incredibly turned on to see Dean so aroused and passionate. When Dean finally looked up he smirked when he saw Castiel so blatantly staring.

"Let's get going," was all Dean said.

Dean and Kari climbed into the front seat and Castiel and Allie got into the back. Even before they were out of the parking lot Allie had straddled Castiel's lap and began kissing him passionately, grinding her hips into his lap, causing him to moan wantonly. He thrust back against her, the delicious sensations where nearly overwhelming.

Suddenly, he heard Dean gasp and let out a moan. He forced himself to look up long enough to see Dean panting and then Kari's head bobbing in his lap.

"Oh god… oh yeah, baby… oh yeah… just like that," Dean groaned as he gripped the steering wheel tightly with one hand and tangled his other hand in her long blonde hair.

Castiel squeezed his eyes shut and gripped Allie's hips tighter. He was sure that just hearing Dean's cries of pleasure would be enough to send him over the edge. He was so close already. He felt a trickle of sweat slide down the back of his next as he struggled to fight his impending climax.

"Stop, baby," he suddenly heard Dean groan. "Stop, we're here! Come on, we'll finish this inside."

Allie quickly moved off of Castiel's lap and he couldn't help the moan that escaped his lips at the lost of contact. His cock was so hard now that he was sure it was going to be strangled in his too tight jeans. He wasn't sure if he could move, but Dean turned around to face him and shot him a wry grin.

"Come on, Cas. This'll be a hell of a lot better inside."

Castiel's mouth watered as he took in Dean's tousled hair and swollen lips. He managed to get out of the car and follow Dean and the girls into the motel room. Kari and Allie were giggling with each other as Dean let them into the room.

"You boys wait out here. We're gonna go freshen up!" Kari said as she pulled Allie with her into the bathroom.

Dean chuckled as he watched them go. Castiel sat down on his bed, his head swirling with lust and alcohol and sheer disbelief at what was happening. Dean looked over at him and grinned.

"You OK, Cas?"

Castiel closed his eyes. "I feel… like I'm going to explode."

Dean chuckled again as he sat down on the bed next to him.

"Don't worry. I think your girl there is gonna be taking good care of you."

"But… I dunno what to do…" Castiel murmured, moving in closer to Dean.

"Just do what feels good. She'll show ya."

"Wanna watch you… wanna see what you do…"

The words sprang freely from Castiel's lips, the alcohol removing any inhibitions he once had. His eyes were focused on the pattern on the bed's comforter and he didn't see the look of shock and then pure arousal in Dean's eyes.

"You wanna watch me? You mean having sex with Kari?"

Castiel nodded, a jolt of arousal shot through his belly at the thought.

"So then I get to watch you fuck Allie, right?"

He looked up and met Dean's gaze. He thought he was going to come right then and there as Dean looked stared at him with pure lust in his deep green eyes. It took a moment for Dean's words to work through Castiel's alcohol-soaked mind. He moistened his lips and gripped the bed with both hands.

"You… you wanna watch me…?"

Dean nodded, slowly looking up and down Castiel's body with a leering smile.

"Oh, hell yeah. I wanna see your face when face when she makes you come," Dean murmured in a low sensual voice, his eyes never leaving Castiel.

Castiel felt his grip tighten on the bed and he was positive his heart was going to explode out of his chest at any second. He couldn't think of a response before the bathroom door opened.

"You boys ready?" He heard Kari purr.

Dean turned and looked up at her and smiled. Both women were clad only in their bras and panties. Both were smiling coyly.

"Oh yeah, baby. Come on over here."

He stood up and met her in front of the other bed. After giving Castiel a quick glance he hoisted her up so she straddled him and sat down on the bed. He tangled a hand into her hair and began kissing her.

Allie walked over to where Castiel was still sitting and stood in front of him.

"You still want me, sexy?" She asked with a smile.

He nodded as he felt too overwhelmed to speak. She gently pushed him back on the bed and began unbuckling his pants.

"Take your shirt off," She commanded.

Not knowing what else to do and grateful for any kind of direction he quickly fumbled around and managed to get his shirt off while she pulled off his pants and boxers. She then began stroking his thick length with her hand before she leaned in and wrapped her lips around it and began sucking wantonly. Castiel couldn't help crying out at the sensation and he arched off the bed. She firmly held his hips down while she continued to run her tongue over the velvet soft skin of his member and take him all the way down her throat causing Castiel to nearly sob with pleasure.

A moan across the room alerted him to the fact that Dean was getting a similar treatment and when he opened his eyes he was greet with the sight of Dean lying on the next bed, naked, and receiving a blow job from Kari. The hunter's face was flushed and his eyes were squeezed shut as he thrust into the woman's move. Castiel couldn't bring himself tear his eyes off of him and it only served to fuel the lust running through him.

Suddenly, Allie pulled off of Castiel with a small pop and he moaned at the loss of contact. When she moved up him, however, he saw that she was now completely nude and was rolling something over his cock very gently. His senses were in such overdrive that even her small actions served to only drive him crazier.

"Please… please… don't stop…" He whimpered desperately as he reached for her.

She smiled at him and chuckled. "Don't worry, baby. I'm not going to stop!"

She raised herself over him and carefully slid him inside of her warm, wet cunt. Castiel felt like someone had just pushed all the air out of his lungs for a moment as the new sensation overwhelmed him and he squeezed his eyes shut. He had never felt anything like it before and when she began to move all coherent thoughts were gone.

"Oh yes… oh god… don't stop... please… m-more… oh my god!"

He turned his head to the side and forced himself to look at Dean. Dean now was on top of Kari and was thrusting into her. His breath came out in short pants with the force of his thrusts and sweat trickled down his face and down the smooth expanse of his back. The sight was truly intoxicating and the most sensual thing Castiel had ever seen. He thought of how it would feel with Dean on top of him like that, thrusting inside of him…

Suddenly Dean turned and locked onto Castiel's gaze. His thrusts became more erratic as he watched Castiel having sex.

"Oh yeah… I'm gonna… oh god… oh god… _YES!_"

Dean's eyes slammed shut as he came and let out a cry. The sound shot through to Castiel's groin and tipped him over the edge sending him into his own orgasm. The sensations of his climax were unlike anything he had ever felt before and he screamed and sobbed with the pleasure of it all. As he finally came down from his peak he slowly drifted off into pleasant darkness.

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_*blushing furiously_* So… um… yeah. Hope that was OK. I feel like such a perv writing smut and I always think it comes out sounding ridiculous! So I hope it wasn't too bad. Feel free to share your thoughts as always!


	24. Chapter 24

Yea! I still have readers! : )

The morning after. Hope you enjoy!

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Chapter 24

Through the fog of sleep Castiel could hear Dean talking to someone and then a door close. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked a couple times in order to bring the room into focus. He was lying on his stomach on the motel bed. He was completely naked save for the sheet covering him. He moved to try and sit up, but was immediately stopped by the wave of nausea that hit him and a dull throbbing in his head. He moaned as he fell back on the bed.

Across the room he heard Dean chuckle and come walking over next to him.

"Hey, Cas. How are you feeling?"

Castiel moaned again.

"I don't feel good…" He whimpered.

He could tell Dean was trying very hard not to laugh.

"What doesn't feel good?"

"My… my stomach… oh no-"

It was amazing how quick Dean was. Castiel leaned over the edge of the bed to retch and almost by magic Dean had the garbage pail there ready for him to get sick in. Dean patiently waited for Castiel to stop throwing up before setting the garbage pail down. Castiel remained leaning over the edge of the bed and whimpered.

"I'm dying!"

He kept his eyes closed but could hear Dean chuckle as he went into the bathroom and turn on the water faucet. When Dean came back Castiel felt him begin to wipe his face off with a cold washcloth.

"You're not dying, Cas," Dean replied gently.

"I'm being punished then. I'm being punished for my sins!"

He opened his eyes and looked at Dean who was grinning back at him.

"You're hungover. That's what happens when you drink rum and coke and then do tequila shots!"

Castiel carefully brought his head back onto the bed and buried his face into the pillow.

"I'm never drinking again!"

That time Dean didn't even try to hide it. He began laughing and gently patted Castiel on the back.

"That's what everybody says!"

"I mean it!"

"Oh, I know you do!" He felt Dean adjust the blankets on him more. "So… did you have a good time?"

As the memories of last night began seeping through his hungover brain Castiel felt his heart rate skyrocket. He was glad his face was already hidden by the pillow so Dean wouldn't be able to see how red he was becoming. He had no idea what to say.

"Cas?" He felt Dean give his arm a shake. "You still awake?"

"Yes," Castiel replied nervously.

"I asked if you had fun last night. Do you remember what happened even? You were pretty drunk. I mean, I know what's-her-name… Allie? She seemed to have had a pretty damn good time! She looked pretty happy when she left anyway."

"She was nice," Castiel replied lamely.

"Nice, huh?"

Castiel nodded, still not looking up. He could sense that Dean wanted to say something else, but was holding back. He was partially relieved because he really was quite ashamed of himself for the way he had acted last night. What on earth had he been thinking? Having sex with a woman he didn't really know, as nice as she was. Then, while having sex with her, he then openly watched Dean having sex too! The word "wrong" kept flashing in his head like a bright neon sign. He wanted to apologize, but he also really didn't want to have to talk about it. Dean, however, wasn't quite so afraid.

"You know, Cas… alcohol can make people do some pretty… crazy things. Shit they would never do normally. I just don't want you to feel guilty or anything about what you did, OK? It was just some harmless fun. Nobody got hurt or anything by it," Dean said gently.

_Depends on what you mean by nobody getting hurt_, Castiel thought to himself. Last night made him realize just how badly he wanted to be with Dean, and not just as his friend. He wanted Dean in every way imaginable, and that was crossing a line he had decided should never be crossed again. Things had changed. Dean had a destiny, one that Castiel wouldn't, _couldn't_, be a part of. Dean was going to bring about the world's salvation and be rewarded by everlasting peace. And Castiel… well, he didn't know what his final fate would be. But he was fairly certain it wouldn't be by Dean's side.

"Thank you, Dean," Castiel said quietly.

He felt his stomach lurch again and was almost happy for the interruption that allowed him to focus on something else. He managed to reach the garbage pail in time to upchuck more of last night's alcohol. Once that was done he felt Dean give his arm a tug.

"Come on, Cas. Let's get you in the shower."

Castiel moaned and shook his head. "I don't wanna!"

"Yes you do. You'll feel better!"

"You think taking a shower fixes everything!"

"Well… yeah. So?"

Castiel groaned, but reluctantly got to his feet, swaying slightly from the nausea and headache. He stubbornly wrapped the sheet around him, trying to maintain some form of dignity. With that he allowed Dean to lead him to the bathroom for his shower.

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Yes! I know this is much shorter than the last chapter. However, I wanted to be able to focus the entire next chapter on what ya'll have been waiting for… the meeting with Lucifer!!! : ) I'm not gonna make any promises, but I'm gonna try to finish it and post it for tonight!


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining brightly and the sky was a wide expanse of perfect blue, not a cloud in sight to mar it. It was warm with just a slight breeze that required one to wear a light jacket when they went out. Dean and Castiel could see people out working in their yards or going for walks, everyone looking happy about the beautiful weather they were having.

Only the two occupants of the 1967 Impala knew the irony of the seemingly "perfect" day.

They had left early that morning once Dean had made sure Castiel had sufficiently recovered from their activities the night before yesterday. He had been kind enough to spare Castiel the embarrassment of talking about what had gone on that night by not bringing it up again, an act Castiel was incredibly grateful for. They had kept up a friendly banter as they traveled into the afternoon, but as they got closer to their destination the conversation had dwindled. Each man was lost in his own thoughts about what was waiting for them once they reached their destination.

"Welcome to Lone Oak, Georgia," Dean said with a sigh as they passed the small sign posted at the side of the road. "Population: 96."

Castiel nodded slowly. "He wouldn't want to start out in a large city. Starting in a smaller town allows him to take control slowly and build his momentum. Once his army was stronger he would then take on the larger cities."

They drove through the town, although it could hardly be called a town as there were hardly any buildings. Dean remembered that the news report had said the location was just south of the town. Once they drove a little further outside of the town, however, there could be no mistaking where Lucifer had set up shop.

There was a vast field that was lined by trees, but it was now full of cars and people. The cars were all parked in what appeared to be a makeshift parking lot. The people were in a roped off area in what looked like to the casual observer would be the equivalent to a rock concert set up. And the size of the crowd also gave credence to that. On the news there had appeared to be maybe fifty people in the crowd. Now, there easily had to have been hundreds.

Dean parked in the parking lot and stared at the crowds silently. Castiel sat next to him, his face clearly showing his anxiety.

"Holy crap," Dean muttered. "There's a lot of fucking people."

Castiel slowly nodded. "There is."

Dean ran his hand over his face and sighed.

"Damn."

"Should we turn back?" Castiel asked hesitantly.

Dean nervously moistened his lips before shaking his head.

"Too late now. We're here. And we need to figure out what the hell he's up to. We can't figure it out if we leave."

He took a deep breath before opening the door and getting out of the car. Castiel quickly followed and they began walking slowly towards the crowd and the stage they could see off in the distance.

"Dean," Castiel finally said in a low voice as they walked, "There's… something I should tell you."

"Please tell me it's that you got your powers back and you can smite all the demons here," Dean replied back quietly.

Castiel swallowed nervously. "No, I'm afraid not."

"Alright, so what is it?"

"I… I've been having… dreams lately… the last few nights…"

Dean immediately stopped walking and looked at Castiel.

"What kind of dreams exactly?" Dean asked his expression hard.

Castiel averted his gaze, uncomfortable under Dean's scrutinizing gaze.

"Lucifer… he… he's been… speaking to me…"

"What?" Dean's voice raised an octave.

Castiel cringed slightly. "He's… been calling to me…"

"And you're _finally_ telling me this _now_?!"

"I… I thought the dreams would stop," Castiel replied lamely.

Dean closed his eyes for a moment and Castiel could see he was slowly counting under his breath. Finally, he let out a deep breath and looked back up at Castiel.

"Great. Remind me if we manage to make it out of here to have a good long talk with you about what constitutes information that needs to get shared with me!"

Castiel could only nod, not knowing what else to say. Dean sighed seeing Castiel kicked-puppy expression.

"Just… stay close, OK?" Dean said. Castiel nodded and they continued their walk.

At first, everything appeared normal. People were lounging on blankets, eating, visiting with each other. The people were average, everyday looking individuals. Once in a while they noticed someone in a wheelchair, or another person who was obviously very ill. But the mood of the crowd was quite elated, as if they were celebrating.

And then they began noticing the demons. _Many_ demons.

As Dean and Castiel carefully picked their way through the crowd certain individuals would turn and watch them, their eyes turning black as they passed. Dean moved closer to Castiel and he silently prayed Castiel had been right about the demons not attacking in such a public place. Amazingly, none did. But he could feel dozens of black eyes watching their every move as they walked towards the stage.

They finally found a spot a mere twenty feet from the front of the stage. On the stage was the man known as Jasper who was watching a young man who was kneeling on the floor in front of him. The man's arms were outstretched and he was looking adoringly at the man in front of him. _Lucifer_.

Dean hadn't known quite what to expect when he would first see Lucifer, but the feeling he was getting now wasn't at all expected. He felt… calm. And, if he were honest with himself, almost a sense of awe. Even from where he stood he could feel the energy radiating from Lucifer, an aura of calm…

Lucifer leaned forward and whispered something in the man's ear. Even though Dean knew what was happening, he could only watch as the man gave up his soul and Lucifer healed him of whatever it was that ailed him. He watched as the crowd erupted into cheers.

Then Lucifer's eyes swept the crowd.

His gaze froze on Dean and Castiel.

Dean felt his stomach drop as Lucifer motioned for Jasper. When Jasper approached he could see Lucifer whisper something to him, his gaze never leaving them. Jasper quickly looked and saw them as well. With a nod Lucifer quickly turned and left the stage amid disappointed groans from the crowd.

"Friends, God would like you to take the rest of the afternoon to reflect on all that you have seen him do. Celebrate his glory and the miracles you have seen! And know, my friends, he will return to you soon and demonstrate even more of his power and might!"

The crowd cheered around them and Dean looked over at Castiel nervously. He immediately saw that whatever effect Lucifer had had on him, it was even more so for the fallen angel. Castiel was watching where Lucifer had left the stage with a look of desperate longing, as if it pained him to see him leave. Dean grabbed his arm, trying to get his attention.

"Cas! We need to leave! Now!"

Suddenly two men came up behind them and grabbed each of them by the arm. Dean instantly moved to try to fight them off, but their grip tightened.

"Take it easy, Winchester," one of the men hissed under his breath. "Master wants to see both of you now and he doesn't want you to do anything to bring attention to yourself. If you don't listen, well, let's just say a nice little tornado could take care of this crowd pretty damn quick."

_Shit_, Dean thought to himself. He knew he was outnumbered and he wasn't about to risk these people, even though he knew they were all condemned anyways. No sense in sending them to Hell any earlier than they'd have to go. And he could see that Castiel was clearly overwhelmed with everything that was happening. Dean took a deep breath and slowly nodded.

"Good man. Now, you behave yourself and no one has to get hurt. Master doesn't want us getting rough with either of you."

Dean allowed himself to be led by the man away from the crowd. He did his best to make sure he stayed as close to Castiel, however, not wanting to get separated and lose him. The men brought them to a tent that was set up behind the stage. Jasper was waiting in front of the tent, his face looking obviously pissed off as Dean and Castiel approached.

"Master wants to see you now," Jasper hissed furiously at them.

"Great," Dean quipped back. "Been looking forward to meeting him!"

Dean felt a small sense of smug satisfaction at seeing Jasper looking even more pissed off at Dean's response. It was obvious now that every demon and human in the know wanted to kick the living crap out of him, but apparently Lucifer had given strict orders not to touch either of them. And he knew how much that order had to piss all of them right off.

They entered the tent and the sight that greeted them was _not_ what Dean had expected. The ground was covered with an ornate oriental rug and sides of the tent were draped with flowing red fabric. There was a table in the center of the tent and its surface was buried under the mountain of food covering it. Off to the side towards the back of the tent was a large round bed covered with blankets and pillows of various colors and shapes. On one side of the bed was a stereo system. And standing in front of it was Lucifer who was seemed focused on selecting a song to play off the CD case he was holding. He finally pushed a button on the stereo and the gentle sound of music being played on the piano drifted through the air. Lucifer gave a small, satisfied smile and set down the CD case.

"_Moonlight Sonata_," He said quietly as he turned around to face the two men. "By Beethoven. A genius piece of work. Well, for a human anyway."

He walked forward and stopped a few feet away from Dean. He studied him carefully, the small smile never leaving his face.

"Dean Winchester," Lucifer said quietly. "We finally meet."

"So it seems," Dean replied, trying to keep his voice steady. He couldn't help but feel completely confused by everything he was seeing and hearing.

"I should be thanking you. After all, you are the reason I am here today."

"Yeah, well, wasn't on purpose."

Lucifer chuckled. "That is true. And my apologies for the… events that transpired while you were in my home. You must understand that they were necessary in order to obtain your assistance."

Dean's eyes narrowed. "Gee, thanks. Feel much better now," He snapped back sarcastically.

Lucifer's smile broadened. "Now, see, that's what I like about you, Dean Winchester. You just say what's on your mind. I like that. Respect that. And you're not like all these all pitiful little humans running around here. You've seen what my home, and yet you still come here and face me directly. Not many humans could do that, you know."

Dean stood up straighter and looked at him defiantly.

"Great. So enough with the buttering up then and get to the point. You wanted to talk to me so tell me what you wanted. I don't have all day."

Lucifer laughed again as he turned and walked over to the bed and sat down on it.

"Direct and to the point as always. Very well, Dean. I am well aware of who you are and what the angels have planned for you. I know that because you are the one who broke the first seal that freed me you are the one who can kill me."

Dean felt his stomach drop to his feet, but he struggled to maintain his composure.

"Well, if you know all that then why are we having this conversation?"

"Because, Dean, I know you don't actually want to kill me."

Dean stared at Lucifer incredulously for a minute before laughing.

"Look, you might want to recheck your sources cuz I would have to disagree with you there!"

"Really?" Lucifer replied calmly, arching an eyebrow at him.

"After everything that me and my family have been through? You think I don't want to kill you?"

"Oh, I know how badly you want revenge for your family. And I understand and respect that, Dean. I really do. However," Lucifer leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, "Do you really want to work with angels to defeat me? The beings that sent your brother to what could have been his certain death? The beings that lied to you at every turn?"

His eyes darted to look at Castiel who was standing silently near Dean.

"Do you really want to help the beings who _tortured_ and nearly murdered Castiel?"

Dean felt his heart almost stop as Lucifer's words sunk in. He dropped his gaze and was actually speechless. He didn't know how to respond. Lucifer nodded knowingly.

"I would like you to think on that, Dean Winchester. Once you have come to a decision I will be expecting to hear from you."

He then turned to focus his attention on Castiel.

"Now, if you don't mind waiting outside, I would like to speak to my young brother here."

Dean immediately tensed and looked over at Castiel. Castiel's eyes were focused on the floor, his face a mixture of fear and grief. Dean shook his head.

"No. No, I'm not letting you take him!"

"Now, Dean, I promise to return him. I assure you I will not harm him."

Dean shook his head, but them he felt Castiel gently touch his arm.

"Go, Dean," Castiel said quietly. "Please… don't try to fight him."

Dean swallowed hard, trying to fight down the terror he was feeling.

"Cas… but you said…"

"I know. But you can't stop him. Please… I don't want you to get hurt. Wait outside."

He didn't want to go. He wanted to keep Castiel safe from whatever Lucifer was planning. He also knew that there was nothing he could do against him. He finally nodded slowly and allowed himself to be led outside the tent.

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Yes, I'm afraid I have to leave this as a cliffy for you guys! It's getting late and I have a really busy day coming up! My vacation starts Saturday so I'll be able to update then!

Thanks for reading! : )


	26. Chapter 26

OK, my voracious readers! You guys lucked out and I stayed home tonight because my back decided to act up. So, I decided to write another chapter so certain individuals wouldn't go insane! Enjoy! : )

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Chapter 26

"Come sit with me, Castiel," Lucifer said calmly. To the others in the tent, "Leave us."

The other demons and Jasper quickly exited the tent while Lucifer sat on the large bed, a knowing smile on his lips. His voice was calm and inviting. Castiel felt a feeling of peace wash over him despite every fiber of his being was screaming for him to run. He moved forward, no longer in control of his own body.

Lucifer had always had a presence and beauty that no other angel could ever rival. Castiel could remember a time, before Lucifer had fallen, how beautiful the angel had been. He remembered how all the other angels loved him and admired him. Castiel had been among those angels. He often would stand in awe with the others, reveling in the mere presence of his brother.

And now, despite Lucifer's fall, neither time nor being encapsulated in a human vessel diminished the angel's power and awe. It didn't matter how hard Castiel tried, he could not fight the longing to remain in Lucifer's presence. He wanted to bask in his beauty once more. He wanted feel his power. If Lucifer were to command him to stay Castiel knew he would. He could not fight him.

Castiel sat down on the bed a foot away. He felt pitiful and weak next to his brother. He felt like he wasn't worthy to be in Lucifer's presence. But Lucifer smiled at him, a warm, inviting smile. He moved closer to Castiel and pulled him into a gentle embrace.

"My brother," Lucifer sighed. "I am so very happy to see you."

"Lucifer…" Castiel felt a lump in his throat. The emotions he was experiencing were overwhelming. Even though Lucifer was a fallen angel Castiel could still feel the aura that only an angel possesses. He hadn't realized how badly he had missed it until he had seen Lucifer.

Lucifer pulled back enough to look into Castiel's eyes and gently stroke his cheek.

"My brother," He murmured again. "My poor poor brother. What you been forced to endure…"

Castiel closed his eyes and the tears he had tried to fight back escaped down his cheek.

"I know, Castiel. I know the suffering you have endured at the hand of our so-called 'brothers.' I know what Zachariah has done to you. I know the lies and the pain he has inflicted onto you."

Castiel shook his head, trying to resist Lucifer's pull.

"I… I brought my suffering upon myself…" He whispered painfully.

He felt Lucifer cup his cheek and move his face to look at him. He opened his eyes and was immediately transfixed on his brother's deep red eyes that seemed to swirl with his emotions.

"You carried out their orders because you trusted that they came from our Father. Your loyalty has always been to our Father and you have always strove to carry out your duties for Him. And that you fell in love with that… that _human_… well… no one can blame you for such a thing."

Castiel's eyes darkened. "Do not speak of our Father," He said firmly. "You betrayed him."

Now Lucifer's expressions darkened.

"I never betrayed our Father!" He replied forcefully. He pulled away from him and glared at him. "They have filled your head with lies, Castiel. I fell because I loved our Father, not because of any betrayal!"

Castiel's eyes widened. He cocked his head in confusion.

"What do you mean? You tried to overthrow Him. You wanted to be more powerful…"

Lucifer let out a bitter laugh.

"Is that what the story is? True, I had heard it in the humans' book of fairy tales, but I hadn't realized that there were other angels who believed it to be true!"

He took Castiel's hand into his own and looked at him earnestly.

"I loved our Father. I worshiped Him with all my being. Do you not remember that, Castiel?"

Castiel swallowed nervously. "It was so many years ago… and I have only ever been a soldier… you never paid me any mind."

Lucifer smiled gently and ran and hand through Castiel's hair.

"I assure you, Castiel, I was aware of you. Sadly, I did not take the time to meet with you more," He said softly. He let out a deep sigh. "When Father asked us to bow down to the humans I could not do it. I could not… no… would not bow to anything but our Father. There is nothing that is higher than He is. Of course, the other angels saw that as an act of treason. I tried to get them to understand, but of course they were too stubborn. So I was cast out and I fell. Like you, my brother."

"Why would you not bow to them?" Castiel asked hesitantly. "After our Father commanded it?"

"Are the humans really worthy of our worship? Look at them, Castiel!" Lucifer gestured towards the outside of the tent. "They will worship anything that displays more power than them. Many mock our Father and have no faith. My presence here today proves how quickly the humans will believe anything we want them too."

"But you seek to destroy them," Castiel said with a quiet desperation.

"I seek only to prove to Father the truth of His favored beings. That they are nothing more than foolish creatures that are given to following their whims. They do not have the capability to love our Father as we do."

Castiel dropped his gaze, uncertain what to say. His thoughts quickly flew to Dean and how he wished he was there with him, to give him the strength he needed. Lucifer smiled knowingly, as if reading his mind.

"Now… your Dean Winchester however, he is quite a fascinating human. Unlike any of the others I have seen. As is his brother, of course. But Dean… remarkable. His will is far stronger than any I have ever seen. True, his faith is not what it could be, but the potential for improvement is there."

Lucifer studied Castiel's features carefully and reached over to brush a lock of hair from his forehead.

"You truly chose a handsome vessel for yourself, Castiel," Lucifer said, his voice becoming husky. "Truly desirable. I can see why that Anna took advantage of you. Indeed, you are quite hard to resist."

Castiel's face flushed and he tried to turn away, but Lucifer's hand on his chin stopped him.

"And Dean… a strong, desirable specimen for a human… passionate… loyal… it is no wonder you allowed yourself to fall in love with him… and his love for you is quite obvious. I could see it in his eyes as he was leaving."

"It cannot be," Castiel whispered softly, his eyes downcast.

Lucifer leaned in closer, his lips mere inches from Castiel's ear.

"You only think it cannot be… that if Dean fulfills his prophecy you will be left behind… he will forget you… but what if it doesn't have be that way, Castiel? What if I offered you a life with Dean Winchester? A chance to love him as you should be able to?"

Castiel's breath caught in his throat. The thought of being with Dean… forever… to be free to love him as he wanted to… to never have to be afraid again… to know Dean truly would never leave him ever again…

"No," The word came out with as much force as Castiel could muster. He shook his head vehemently. "No… you cannot make me that promise. You're lying."

"I would not lie to my brother," Lucifer replied calmly. "I love you, Castiel. It grieves me to see you suffer. I only ask for the chance to remove your pain. To give you what your heart desires most."

Castiel shook his head again and tried to will himself to stand, but Lucifer's hand on his arm stopped him. Lucifer sighed patiently.

"You do not need to choose today, Castiel," He said gently. He then smiled knowingly at his brother. "But perhaps I can aid you in making a choice."

Before Castiel could respond Lucifer quickly placed on hand over his heart and the other hand on his head. Suddenly, Castiel felt a sensation like a bolt of electricity pass through him. His eyes widened and he nearly fell over, but Lucifer quickly caught him. Gasping for breath he looked at Lucifer with terror.

"What did you do to me?" Castiel gasped.

Lucifer smiled.

"I gave you a gift. Now, go to Dean. He is waiting for you."

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Oooh! What did Lucifer do to Castiel…? Well, now you really will have to wait since I have to work the next two nights! ; ) Yes, I am evil.

Thanks for reading! Feedback is always a wonderful thing!


	27. Chapter 27

OK! First, I would like to thank all my loyal readers for their feedback. Always wonderful to hear your thoughts. Second, I would like to give a special Birthday Shout Out to rixietrixie91; HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! Sorry it's a little late! : )

Now, as I always do, I must give out the warning that this chapter contains a whole lotta smut and, brace yourselves, it is of the Dean/Castiel variety! (And I think I heard squeals from around the world! LOL!) So, I will say that this smut is much more of the hardcore variety that I know some people don't care for. However, there is actually a purpose to this chapter so I ask you to bear with me! If you don't like it, then skip ahead! Otherwise, I hope you enjoy!

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Chapter 27

Castiel staggered out of the tent moving as fast as he could on trembling legs. He didn't know what Lucifer had done to him. His heart going pounding like a jackhammer in his chest and he felt lightheaded. What he did know, however, was that he needed to get out of there despite the overwhelming urge to stay.

He didn't stop to look at Dean who was waiting nearby for him, afraid of what his face would betray if he did. His breath came out in ragged pants as he moved and he could feel the sweat begin running down the back of his neck.

"Cas? Cas! Wait! What the hell happened?" He heard Dean yell to him.

He didn't stop or look back. He needed to get to the car. He needed to get out of there. He needed Dean to drive them as far away from this place as possible. His emotions were crushing him under huge waves. He felt elated from being in his brother's presence, in the presence of another angel, albeit a fallen one. He felt mind-numbing grief at having to leave him. He felt sheer terror from being surrounded by so much evil. He felt guilt over all the mistakes he had made up until that point.

He made it to the Impala before Dean. He leaned against the passenger side door and sobbed, unable to calm the emotions raging inside of him.

"Damn it! Castiel! What the fuck did he do to you?" He felt Dean come along side of him. He felt Dean's warm presence and his hand on his back. He shuddered at Dean's touch.

"P-please… we need to go… please get me out of here…" Castiel managed to sob out.

"Did he hurt you? Did that son of a bitch hurt you? I don't fucking care if he is Satan! I'll go back there and kick his ass!"

Dean's words filled Castiel with overwhelming terror at the thought that he might actually go back. He shook his head vehemently.

"No! I… I don't know what he did!" He whimpered fearfully. "We just need to leave! Please, Dean!"

He could tell Dean didn't want to go, that he wanted to know what had happened even if it meant facing Lucifer again. But Castiel must have sounded desperate enough to him that Dean finally relented.

"Alright. Get in the car."

Castiel sank into the car feeling a small sense of relief. It was quickly overshadowed by sadness, however, as they peeled out of the parking lot and sped down the road. He could feel the separation from his brother growing as they traveled each mile. He had never experienced anything like this before. It was like his emotions were being jerked from the peak of one high to the next without rest, without any letdown in between. It was if something inside of him couldn't make up its mind over what he should be feeling.

"Did he hurt you?" He heard Dean ask him. "Come on, Cas, tell me what happened. Did he say something to you?"

Castiel swallowed hard, trying to desperately to calm himself. He shook his head.

"I don't know," He repeated. "I just… I don't know…"

He knew his lack of answers was bothering the hunter, but he really didn't know what else to say. Fortunately, to his relief, Dean was willing to accept it.

"OK. It's alright, Cas. You're OK. We're going to get the hell out of here and head back to Bobby's. You're safe with me."

Dean's words filled Castiel with a sense of joy that was threatened to overwhelm him. He couldn't speak, but nodded to show that he had heard. He closed his eyes and allowed his mind to focus on Dean. How Dean would stay with him and would keep him safe. How Dean cared so much about him and how he was always there for him… and how stunning his green eyes were… how soft and inviting his lips were… how strong he was when they made love in Utah…

At that moment whatever it was flitting around inside of him suddenly found what it had been searching for. And latched on it. And consumed him.

Lust. Pure, unbridled lust coursed through Castiel's veins like a drug. His desire for the man in the car next to him was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. He wanted Dean. Naked. Sprawled across the front seat. He wanted to taste every inch of his body. Wanted to run his hands along Dean's bare flesh. Wanted to hear him moan out his name. Wanted to see his face twist with ecstasy…

_Oh no…_

Castiel suddenly realized what Lucifer had done. He had worked some kind of magic that augmented emotions and the target of this spell was his desire for Dean.

And they were in the car together…

In a very enclosed space…

And Castiel was positive he was going to explode any second.

Now that he knew what it was Castiel could sense every part of Dean Winchester. He could smell the soap and aftershave Dean had used that morning. He could see Dean's defined muscled under the shirt he was wearing…

Castiel closed his eyes and could barely stifle the moan of pure _need_ that escaped his lips. Unfortunately, because Dean was so worried about what had happened, the hunter was quite aware of everything going on with Castiel.

"Cas? What is it?"

The sound of Dean's voice shot a bolt of pleasure straight to Castiel's groin. He gripped the car seat in an effort to restrain himself and not jump across the car to rip Dean's clothes off.

"I… we need to stop…" Castiel ground out between clenched teeth.

He could sense Dean's eyes on him.

"What? Why? Cas, we need to get to Bobby's. We're barely an hour out."

Castiel really didn't know how much longer he could restrain himself if Dean kept talking.

"Dean… I _need_ to get out of this car… _please_…"

He prayed that Dean wouldn't ask why. What would he say?

"_I'm sorry, Dean, but if we don't get out of this car your mere presence will drive me insane and I will be unable to control myself and we will have to have sex on the front seat of your car in the middle of the road."_

He didn't want to say it, but he honestly could no longer think coherently enough to say anything else. His cock throbbed painfully in his constricting jeans and he was salivating at the thought of what Dean's own member would taste like…

"Fine. OK, just let me find a motel to stay in for tonight. Just hang in there."

Rather than feeling relief Castiel could feel himself grow even more aroused. To have Dean alone… in a motel room… all to himself…

_No!_ He tried desperately to think of something else, anything else. He couldn't. It would be wrong. Now was not the time. There wasn't ever going to be a right time. They had to stay focused.

Dean finally pulled into a motel parking lot and went inside after they had parked. Castiel nearly sobbed with relief that he could have a moment to try to compose himself, but was also overwhelmed with the need to have Dean near him. He pressed the heel of his hand against his erection, wishing it would subside, but to no avail. When Dean came back and started gathering their bags from the trunk Castiel nearly dove out of the car and made a beeline for their room. He thought he could escape to the bathroom once they entered the room where he could at least try to satisfy the need himself before Dean noticed.

That flew out the window, though, when the door shut and Dean put his hand on Castiel's shoulder.

"Castiel, tell me what's wrong!"

It was as if a dam had burst. Lust overwhelmed Castiel at that moment with Dean's touch sending jolts of pleasure through him. He couldn't restrain himself any longer. He wanted Dean. _Needed_ Dean. And nothing would stop him.

Letting out a growl of desire Castiel moved quickly and slammed Dean up against the closed door and pressed his lips against Dean's stunned mouth, kissing him passionately. He held Dean's arms possessively down against the door, making it difficult for Dean to fight him. The first taste of Dean's lips was almost enough to send Castiel over the edge. It was everything and more he had remembered from Utah. The hunter's lips were warm and sweet and oh-so-delicious against his own. His body lean and taunt from years of training and hunting moved against Castiel aching member, sending pleasuring shooting though his body. It was incredible and perfect and everything he had been wanting for months… ever since their time in Utah.

Dean finally recovered from his initial shock and managed to push Castiel away long enough to speak.

"Holy shit," Dean gasped; staring at Castiel's swollen lips and lust-filled eyes. "Cas… what are doing?"

"I want you," Castiel replied, his voice heavy with need. "I've wanted you for so long… please… I can't stop… I want you so badly… I'll do anything… anything you tell me to… I just want to touch you… taste you… pleasure you…"

"Fuuck," Dean moaned, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back against the door. "God, Cas… you can't say shit like that… it's a spell… it has to be… he did this to you…"

Castiel pressed himself harder against Dean, grinding his erection against the one growing in Dean's own jeans. He brought his mouth up next to Dean's ear.

"Please… I need you, Dean… I don't care what this is… I've wanted you before now… I wanted you the other night while I watched you with that girl… I was wishing you were doing that to me instead of her…"

Dean's eyes flew open and he stared at Castiel for a moment with a mixture of shock and pure lust. All rational thought flew out of his head at Castiel's words. He grabbed the back of Castiel's head and pulled him into a mind-searing kiss that caused Castiel to nearly faint with pleasure. That was all the invitation he needed.

Castiel kissed him back, growling with need as he began fighting to unbuckle Dean's jeans and push both jeans and underwear to the floor. Dean mimicked his actions, swiftly removing Castiel's jeans and underwear in one quick movement thanks to previous experience. They separated only long enough to remove their shirts, throwing them haphazardly to the side. Soon they were both naked and sweating from the heat of their efforts, hands traveling, exploring each other's new exposed skin. Each letting out gasps and moans as their touches elicited new pleasures.

Finally, Castiel stopped kissing Dean and dropped down to his knees. Giving Dean a small smile he slid his lips around Dean's weeping erection, closing his eyes at the taste. Dean nearly collapsed, the support from the door behind him being the only thing holding him up. Castiel greedily went to work on Dean's erection, running his tongue along its velvety surface, trying to take his as deeply into his mouth as he could tolerate. He relished Dean's taste and scent around him. And as he listened to the hunter's moans and cries of pleasure Castiel felt his own arousal growing. His one hand was wrapped around Dean's member, while his other hand was busy bringing pleasure to himself.

"Oh god… oh my fucking god, Cas… don't stop… holy shit…" Dean moaned as he thrust into Castiel's eager mouth. His one hand tangled in the angel's dark hair, trying to guide Castiel's actions with as much restraint and control as he could muster. He still couldn't believe this was happening and even though he knew why he couldn't bring himself to worry about that fact right then.

Dean did, however, what to do one thing and he needed Castiel to agree to it. With much reluctance he forced Castiel to stop was he was doing and pulled him to his feet. He kissed Castiel, his tongue tasting himself and Castiel all at once. It was extremely erotic and almost enough to make him lose focus, but not quite.

"Cas," Dean whispered, his voice low and husky. "Baby, you really want this? I need you to tell me this is something you really want… that it's not just some spell… that you've really been wanting this…"

Castiel looked into Dean's eyes and despite the weight of the lust he was feeling, he could answer Dean truthfully.

"I want this, Dean… I do… I've been afraid to… that it wouldn't be right…"

Dean smiled gently as he stroked Castiel's cheek. He pulled him in for another kiss, one that was more gentle and loving rather than passionate. When he pulled away he looked into Castiel's deep blue eyes.

"Then tell me what you want, baby. Anything you want and it's yours."

Castiel looked at Dean longingly, trembling with pent up desire.

"I want… you… to make love to me… like you did with that girl…"

He saw Dean let out a shuddering breath and moisten his lips nervously with his tongue.

"We can do that, Cas. We can… but it hurts… it'll hurt you and I don't want to do that…"

Castiel's mind flew back to those months long ago. Back to when Anna had raped him, how she had raped him. He knew and understood exactly what Dean was talking about and understood why he was so hesitant. But Castiel knew he needed it. Needed to be marked by Dean in such a way that it would remove the stain Anna had left on him. He needed Dean to love him. Tears filled his eyes as he nodded.

"I know… but… please… please, Dean… I need it to be you…"

Castiel didn't have to say anything else to make Dean understand. Dean pulled him gently into his arms and carefully began kissing away the tears that had started to fall.

"It's OK, baby," Dean murmured gently. "It's OK. We can do this… you just need to let me know if you want to stop, OK? No matter what, I'll stop if you need me to. I promise."

Castiel felt an overwhelming sense of love from Dean that at that moment even overshadowed the lust raging inside of him. Dean loved him. He was safe with Dean, no matter what.

He didn't know how they made it to the bed. He didn't see where Dean had gotten the lube from, just knew it was there. Dean was careful to take his time, to gently kiss away Castiel's fears, to let him know that even though Dean was on top it was Castiel who was in control. Finally, after several minutes of tender touches and caresses, Castiel looked into Dean's eyes and nodded, acknowledging he was ready. He felt Dean's finger, cool with the lube, slowly slide into his entrance. He couldn't help but flinch and feel anxious, but Dean pressed kisses to his lips in an attempt to distract him. Once he felt Castiel relax he slipped in a second, gently working and stretching his insides until he could slide in a third. Castiel tried to ignore the burning pain of Dean's intrusion, but it was difficult. He was beginning to wonder if this had been a mistake, that he wasn't ready for this, when Dean's finger slid across a bundle of nerves inside of him. Castiel screamed at the sensations the simple action brought and he clung to Dean's shoulder, gasping for air. Dean smirked at his reaction.

"You like that, Baby? You want more of that?"

Castiel nodded desperately, thrusting against Dean's hand in an attempt to capture that sensation again. He nearly sobbed as Dean carefully withdrew his hand, but it was soon replaced with Dean's member as he carefully slid inside of the angel. Castiel's breaths came out in sharp pants mixed with needy whimpers. He began to thrust against Dean, almost frantic with lust now that their lovemaking had become more pleasurable. Dean closed his eyes and moaned as he felt Castiel's warmth engulfing him. He began to thrust slowly into him, trying to take his time. Trying to make it last.

Castiel grabbed him by the waist in an attempt to make him go faster.

"More, Dean… please… oh yes… more… feels so good…"

Sweat trickled down Dean's back and his arms trembled as they held him up. He looked down into Castiel's lust-filled eyes and nearly lost it.

"You like that, Cas?…God, you feel so good… you want more…?"

"Yes… yes, Dean… please… harder…"

Dean wrapped his hand around Castiel's weeping member and began stroking it in time with his thrusts. Castiel's eyes fluttered shut and he gripped the pillow under his head tightly as he cried out.

"Yes… yes… like that… oh Dean… I'm so close… don't stop… please… so good… more…"

Dean's control was quickly unraveling as he watched Castiel's face contort with pleasure. He was so close to coming he could hardly take it.

"Yeah, Baby… I want you to come… wanna watch you come for me… come for me, Castiel."

He quickened his thrusts and strokes until Castiel couldn't take it anymore. He came with a scream, covering Dean's hand with come. The orgasm was unlike anything he had ever experienced before and he was quickly overwhelmed by it. Dean quickly followed, crying out Castiel's name as he came inside of him.

Dean's trembling arms finally gave out and he collapsed against Castiel in a sweaty heap. He then took Castiel in his arms and murmured soothing words in the sobbing angel's ear.

"It's OK, Cas. It's OK. Shh… don't cry, Baby. I'm here. You're OK."

Castiel buried his face in the crook of Dean's neck as he tried to calm himself. He felt completely physically and mentally drained. As if everything that had occurred during the last few months had finally been expelled, leaving him empty. Finally, the sobs slowed to nothing, leaving Castiel exhausted. Dean gently kissed him.

"It's OK, Cas. I've got you. I love you. I won't let anything bad happen to you."

Castiel slowly relaxed into Dean's arms and could feel sleep beginning to overtake him.

"I love you too, Dean," He managed to whisper before he drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

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Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to give feedback! I'm braced for anything! ; )


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Dean opened his eyes and blinked in the early morning sunlight. His eyes drifted over next to him and took in the sleeping form of his fallen angel. Castiel was sound asleep, his dark lashes lying peacefully on his pale cheeks. His dark hair stuck out in every direction from sleep and their lovemaking the night before. Dean couldn't help the smile that touched his lips. Castiel was so beautiful at that moment. So innocent looking. Dean's heart ached with love for him and he reveled in the fact that he could now say Castiel was his. Completely and totally.

He had watched Castiel fall asleep in his arms the previous night as he was too exhilarated to sleep himself. Once Dean was sure he wouldn't disturb him he had gotten up briefly to lay down the salt lines and put their things away. Now, Dean looked over at his cell phone which was sitting on the nightstand. Unable to resist he reached over and grabbed it. Flipping it open he scrolled through the menu choices until he found the picture taking option. He smiled to himself as he snapped a picture of Castiel's sleeping face. He wanted something to remember the moment by and he decided the picture would be perfect.

Castiel began to stir and Dean braced himself. He already knew what to expect when Castiel would wake and realize what had happened. There would be apologies and explanations about why what happened shouldn't have happened. That it had been a mistake. That it would never happen again.

That wasn't going to happen. Not now. Dean decided that it was about time they both received something good in their lives. Have something that brought them joy. And Castiel brought more joy into Dean's life than he had ever thought possible and he was _not_ going to let it go that easily.

Castiel slowly opened his eyes. Dean smiled warmly at him as he saw the realization of where he was and what had happened dawned on him. Sure enough, Dean watched Castiel's eyes start to fill with panic.

"Hey, Cas," Dean said warmly as he brushed a locked of Castiel's disheveled hair from his forehead. "How'd you sleep?"

Castiel swallowed nervously and pulled the sheet closer around him, trying to hide himself. "Dean… I… did we…?"

"Yes, we had sex last night," Dean replied calmly. "And yes, it was absolutely incredible."

A blush creeped up Castiel's pale cheeks. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to…"

Dean shot him a mock scowl and pressed a finger to his lips to silence him.

"Shut up, Castiel."

"But-"

"I said, shut up. You're not going to apologize for doing something we both wanted. And it's going to be something we do again because I love you and I want to be with you. So relax and don't argue with me."

Castiel dropped his gaze nervously and moistened his dry lips.

"But we can't-"

"Well, I say we can. Why? Are you saying you're not in love with me? Because you said you loved me last night."

The blush spread to Castiel's ears.

"I… I love you… but with everything that's happening-"

"Just means we have to work harder to make it work out."

"But what will Sam and Bobby say?"

"Don't know. Don't care."

"But, Dean-"

Dean sighed impatiently.

"Do I have to physically make you stop arguing with me? Cuz I'll do it!" With a sly grin Dean slid himself over so that he was straddling Castiel's waist with only the thin sheet separating them. "Don't make me get rough!"

Dean grinned triumphantly at the sight of a shy smile tugging on the corner of Castiel's lips.

"You really want to be with me?" Castiel asked quietly sounding almost in awe. "Even after… after everything I've done to you?"

"Yes," Dean nodded seriously. "And we're done looking into the past. We're going to go forward from now on."

He saw Castiel hesitate for a moment before finally breaking out into a wide grin.

"OK, Dean."

Dean smiled back and leaned in to kiss Castiel warmly on the lips. Castiel sighed happily when the object in Dean's hand caught his eye.

"What's that?"

"This?" Dean held up his cell phone and grinned. "My cell phone. I took your picture before you woke up."

"Why?"

"Because. You looked so damn sexy I couldn't help it," Dean replied as he kissed him again.

Castiel laughed shyly. "So… can I take your picture then?"

Dean chuckled. "Sure! But use your own phone!"

He reached over and grabbed Castiel's cell phone. Dean had bought it for him before they had left South Dakota. He had decided that Castiel would need a way to call for help if anything had happened. It had remained unused since he had never left Dean's side since they left Bobby's. It had features such as picture taking recording videos, but Dean hadn't thought to show Castiel those features, but now seemed like the perfect opportunity.

The rest of the day was spent enjoying each other's company as they traveled back to Bobby's. Castiel enjoyed playing with the newly discovered features of his phone while also reveling in his new relationship with Dean. And Dean was happier than he could ever recall being in his whole life. They were together and in love.

Nothing could tear them apart.

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Yes, this is a lot shorter than what I've been writing, but it's time to move this story along! Brace yourself, my loyal readers! You know I never leave anything that simple for our boys! ; )

Next chapter: The truth is revealed!


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Sam pressed the heels of his hands into his closed eyes, tired after hours of research with very little to show for it. It had been over a week since Dean and Castiel had left and Sam, thankfully, was now over the worst of the demon blood detox. He still wasn't feeling the greatest, but at least he was past the point of wanting to run out and track down demons just to get a taste of blood.

He began closing up the books he had been looking through when his cell phone sitting next to him began to ring. He picked it up, expecting to see Dean's number on the screen. He was surprised, however, to see an unfamiliar number from Caller Unknown.

"Hello?" Sam answered.

"Hello," an unfamiliar older male's voice answered sounding slightly uncertain. "Is this where I can reach Sam Winchester?"

"This is Sam," Sam replied hesitantly. "Who's this?"

"Oh! Sam, it's good to hear your voice again. I'm not sure if you remember me. It's been several months since we last spoke. This is Jacob. Jacob McCauley. You and your brother, Dean, saved me a few months ago from demons that attacked me at my church. The church in La Sal, Utah. Do you remember?"

It was as if a light had suddenly switched on. Memories came tumbling back into Sam's mind. Memories of the small town… the church with the Indian burial grounds… Jacob… Castiel… the demons… Dean nearly lifeless on a cross…

Sam gripped the edge of the table he was sitting at almost unable to breathe.

"Sam? Sam, are you still there?" He heard Jacob ask nervously.

"I-I'm here," Sam managed to stammer out. "Yes… yes, I remember. It's… good to hear from you, Jacob. How are you?"

"I'm well, thank you, Sam. I'm calling because I have been following the news… from what I have seen it appears… well… it seems as though the Apocalypse has begun."

Sam closed his eyes and sighed, feeling a stab of guilt.

"Yeah… yeah, it has…"

"Well, I was looking through my books that I have here at the church. I think I may have found something that might be of some help. Can you and Dean come out here? I would like to have you boys take a look at it."

"Dean's out doing some research… and I'm not quite up for traveling yet… but I can call Dean and send him and Castiel your way. Shouldn't take them too long to get there."

"That's fine, Sam. I'll be waiting for their arrival. Thank you."

"Thank you, Jacob. Talk to you soon."

Sam hung up the phone, his head pounding in his chest. He was bewildered as to why he had forgotten about Utah, but slowly the realization of what had happened dawned on him.

Castiel.

Sam picked up his phone and dialed a familiar number.

* * *

Dean whistled cheerfully to himself as he began packing up their bags so they could head back out on the road. They were a day's drive from Bobby's and he was anxious to get back to figure out their next course of action. Castiel was taking a shower and Dean had decided it was better to let him take this one alone as the last few times he had joined him they wound up taking a little longer than originally planned.

A guitar rift cut through the air. Dean picked up his phone and saw Sam's number on the screen. He answered with a smile.

"Hey, Sammy. How're you feeling?" Dean answered.

"Hey, Dean. Good… I'm good. I feel a lot better."

"Good. Glad to hear it. So, Cas and I should be home late tonight or early tomorrow morning. We have a lot of stuff to go over and try to figure out a plan. Lucifer has managed to start collecting an army of humans and we need to come up with something to stop him-"

"Dean! Look, we really need to talk about something."

Dean frowned as he heard the seriousness in Sam's voice.

"What's wrong? Something happen? Bobby and Ellen OK?"

"They're fine. It's just… where's Castiel? Is he with you?"

Dean glanced over at the closed bathroom door. He went and slipped out the motel room door into the fresh morning air.

"He's in taking a shower. I just stepped outside. Why? What's going on?"

"Dean… I don't know how to tell you this…"

Dean's stomach began to knot with worry. "Sam, just tell me."

He heard Sam sigh.

"I got a phone call today. From a Jacob McCauley."

_Jacob McCauley? Why did that name sound familiar…?_

"We met him in Utah. La Sal, Utah. He was one of the seals and we saved him. You almost got killed, though, by the demons that were after him."

It felt like someone had punched Dean in the gut. The memories flooded back to him as if they had been waiting for this moment. All of them. Including the torture… and Anna… and Castiel…

"You remember, don't you?" Sam said quietly after Dean had been silent for a minute. "You remember it all too."

"What the hell…?" Dean shook his head in shock. "Why couldn't we remember any of that?"

"I think I know." Sam paused for a moment. "I… I think Castiel wanted you to forget."

Dean's heart began to jackhammer in his chest. He shook his head slowly.

"No… no, Cas wouldn't do that."

"Why not? If he thought it would protect you-"

"He would have at least told me before he did it. He would have given me a choice." Dean felt the desperation rise within him. "Maybe he forgot too. He would have said something by now…"

"Not if he was responsible and felt guilty about hiding it."

Dean felt his previous joy dissolve inside of him. He couldn't say anything in response.

"Look, Dean, you and Castiel need to work this out yourselves. But you needed to know because Jacob thinks he found something to help us and he wants one of us to check it out. I can't so maybe you and Castiel can."

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat. He closed his eyes and nodded, even though he knew Sam couldn't see him.

"I'll take care of it," He managed to choke out.

"Dean… I'm sure he had a reason…"

"I'll call you back," Dean said quickly and hung up.

He clenched his cell phone in one hand and covered his face with the other. Feelings of anger and betrayal filled him, threatening to explode.

_No… how could he? How could he do this to me?_

He straightened himself up and went back inside the motel room. Castiel was dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed, putting on his shoes. He glanced up at Dean and smiled.

"I wondered where you went…"

His voice trailed off and his smile faded as he saw the look on Dean's face.

"Dean, what's wrong?"

Dean stared at him, arms folded across his chest.

"Do you have something you wanna tell me about, Castiel?" Dean's voice was calm, but the anger could be heard boiling under the surface.

Castiel stared at him, frightened and confused. "What? I… I don't know what you mean…"

He could see Dean's jaw clench and his face darken.

"You don't think you have something important to tell me? Something you may have forgotten to mention?"

Castiel felt his stomach drop with dread, but all he could manage was shaking his head slowly.

Dean shot him a bitter smile.

"Well, then let me refresh your memory," He growled. "Like Sam was kind enough just now to do with me. Does _Utah_ ring any bells? How about a church with ancient Indian burial grounds? How about a seal with _twice hallowed grounds_ and all that crap? How about me getting my ass kicked by a group of _demons_ who decided to use me as their own Easter Sunday reenactment!? _HOW ABOUT ANNA TURNING INTO ME SO SHE COULD FUCK YOU!? ANY OF THAT RING ANY BELLS, CASTIEL!? AND WHY THE __**FUCK**__ COULDN'T I REMEMBER ANY OF IT UNTIL SAM JUST TOLD ME!?_"

Dean glared at Castiel, his face twisted with rage. Castiel's eyes were wide with horror and grief. He cowered on the bed, trembling with fear.

"How… how did you…?"

"So you knew? You knew. This whole _fucking_ time you knew!" Dean threw his phone across the room in a rage. "You lied to me! You fucking lied to me! You god damn son of a bitch! After everything! After everything we've been through! You fucking lied to me!"

Castiel shook his head desperately as the tears streamed down his face.

"Please… I had to… I couldn't tell you…"

"Why the fuck not? After everything we've done? And you fucked with my mind, Castiel! My fucking _mind_! You had no right to do that to me! No right to take away memories like that without even asking me or even telling me! Who the fuck do you think you are?!"

"I was protecting you!" Castiel yelled back desperately. "If the other angels had known-"

"Fuck the other angels! You could have told me a million times after you fell! When you showed up at the motel that night. At Bobby's. Hell, even the night we first had sex would have worked! But you didn't. And I had to learn about from fucking Sam. From _Sam_!"

"I didn't know how to tell you…"

Dean shook his head and let out a derisive laugh. "That's because you're not fucking human, Castiel. You may have fallen, but you're still just a heartless dick. You never really loved me," Dean spat out. "You only cared about yourself."

Something changed in Castiel's eyes at Dean's words. A look of fury came over his face and he rose to his feet.

"I was raped by Anna who looked like you in order to torment me," Castiel said quietly, but his words seeped in anger. "I was tortured by Zachariah because he found out what we had done together. I risked everything for you _and_ to save your brother. I let my grace be ripped from me for you. I _fell_ for _you_. I gave up my existence… my home… my _brethren_… my _eternity_ for _you_!"

He shook his head slowly, tears of hurt and anger filling his eyes.

"Do not tell me that I never loved you. I have loved you from the moment I pulled you from Hell."

A deathly silence permeated the room as the two men stood there, staring at each other. Finally Dean slowly shook his head and backed away, angry tears in his eyes.

"I can't do this," He said quietly. "I need to leave."

He turned around and stormed out of the room, slamming the door closed as he left. Castiel stood there frozen as he listened to the car door slam and then the tires squeal as Dean pulled out of the parking lot. His legs gave out from under him and he collapsed into a heap onto the floor.

_Come back… please come back, Dean… don't go… don't leave me like this…_

He buried his face into his hands and sobbed, desperately praying that he would hear the car return. That Dean would come back to him so he could say how sorry he was. He trembled and gasped for air as he cried. He had never wanted to die so much in all his existence. He didn't know what to do without Dean. He didn't know how to _be_ without Dean Winchester.

_He's not coming back. He doesn't want to come back. He doesn't want me anymore._

Castiel forced himself to stand on trembling legs. His breath hiccupped as he tried to slow his sobs. He carefully gathered up his things and zipped close his bag. He wiped his face on his sleeve as he looked over and saw Dean's cell phone on the floor. He got out his own and carefully dialed the number like Dean had showed him. He stared at the phone on the floor as it rang until Dean's voicemail picked up.

"_Hey, this is Dean. Leave a message."_

Fresh tears started to trickle down Castiel's face when he heard Dean's voice.

"D-Dean… I wanted to let you know that I'm sorry for what I did to you. For everything I've done to you. I-I don't deserve your forgiveness… or your love. I never have. I'm leaving so you never have to be hurt by me again. I… I don't know where I'm going to go. But you can fulfill your destiny now. Like you were meant to. Good-bye, Dean. I… I love you…"

Castiel hung up and squeezed his eyes closed in anguish. He finally took a deep breath and wiped his face again with his sleeve. He slung his bag over his shoulder and walked out the motel room door.

Once outside he saw the shiny black Lincoln parked nearby. Leaning up against it was a very calm-looking Jasper who was watching Castiel intently.

"Good. You're here. My Master wants to see you, Castiel," Jasper said crisply. He opened the rear passenger door and motioned for Castiel to get inside.

Castiel stared at the car for moment, his insides knotted with grief and fear.

_Where else do I have to go?_

He slowly walked over and got into the car. Jasper quickly shut the door and walked around to the front and getting in the driver's side. They soon were pulling out of the parking lot and headed out to the open road.

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I think I just heard screams of "No, Castiel!" from around the world! ; )

That has been in my head for _weeks_ now and I'm so glad I was finally able to write it! And I know all of you are desperate to find out what is going to happen next. You're lucky I'm on vacation and will be able to update soon!

Can't wait for the feedback on this one! : )


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Dean Winchester was a douche bag.

He had driven around for an hour and his anger finally faded. He could now see how completely irrational he had been towards Castiel. He had no right to say the things he had said to him, especially after everything Castiel had been through. Yes, he had been angry over the lies. He was so tired of the constant lies and secrets. Sam's lies had almost gotten him killed and they did start the Apocalypse. The angels' lies had nearly cost him Sam _and_ Castiel.

He just didn't want any more lies. He wanted Castiel to know he could be honest with him. And he understood why Castiel had kept the truth from him to some degree. The main reason was he knew how Dean would react. But Dean also knew that Castiel felt that their relationship was wrong. That he wasn't worthy enough or something.

Dean knew he had to go apologize. He just hoped Castiel would accept it.

He pulled into the motel parking lot and parked. He got out of the car and made his way up to the door, taking a deep breath before he opened it.

"Cas?" He called out. "Cas, I'm back. Look, we need to talk!"

He sighed at the silence that greeted him. He shut the door behind him.

"Cas, I'm sorry for the crap I said. I didn't mean it. I shouldn't have said it. Just answer me…"

His voice trailed off as he scanned the room. His heart sunk when he realized Castiel's bag was missing along with all of his others possessions.

"Castiel!" Dean yelled despite knowing the truth. He quickly searched the room and saw that Castiel really was nowhere to be found.

"Shit! Son of a bitch!"

He ran his hand over his face desperately trying to figure out where Castiel could have gone. Then his eyes fell on his cell phone lying on the floor. The screen was lit up indicating he had a message. He quickly grabbed it and called his voicemail, praying it would tell him where Castiel was. He sank to the floor, however, when he listened to Castiel's tearful message.

"No. No no no!" Dean whispered as he shook his head. He quickly hung up and then dialed Castiel's number. It rang and then he cursed when it went to voicemail.

_"This is Castiel… please leave a message… thank you."_

"Castiel. It's Dean. Look, I'm sorry for what I said, alright. I was being a complete dick. I swear I didn't mean any of the shit I said. I love you more than anything and I know you love me too. Please call me back so we can talk. Let me know where you are and I'll come get you. I don't care where it is or when you call. Just call me. We can work this out. I'm not mad at you. I… I just want you to come back, OK? Call me as soon as you get this message. Please. I love you, Cas."

He hung up and forced himself to stay calm. He tried to think of what Castiel might have done. He decided to try Bobby, just in case.

"Hello?" He heard Bobby's voice answer.

"Bobby, its Dean."

"Everything alright?"

Dean sighed. "No. No, it's not. Look, have you heard from Castiel? We had a fight and he took off. I don't know where he went. Did he call you?"

"Shit. No, he didn't call here. Where are you?"

"About a day's drive from your place. Damn it."

"What the hell were you fighting about?"

Dean felt his face flush at the question.

"It… nothing. It was a stupid fight. But he doesn't understand that so he probably thinks I'm pissed at him still. He didn't answer his cell phone."

"I'll try him too. And I'll see what I can do about locating him."

"Thanks, Bobby."

Suddenly, the phone beeped, indicating Dean had another call coming in. His heart lifted hopefully.

"Bobby, I have another call. It might be him. I'll call you back."

He switched over to the other call.

"Castiel? Cas, is that you?"

There was silence for a moment and then he heard a male's voice come over the line that definitely was not Castiel's.

"This is not Castiel," The voice replied coolly. "Hello, Dean Winchester."

"Who is this?"

"I believe you know who this is."

Dean felt his stomach drop.

_"Lucifer."_

"There, see? I knew you would know."

"What do you want?"

"Well, Dean Winchester, I wanted to inform you that you needn't bother searching for Castiel any longer. He is safe within my care. Safe from individuals such as yourself who have harmed him."

Dean bristled at Lucifer's words.

"You son of a bitch! I never hurt him!"

"I would have to disagree. You see, my brother came to me rather distraught just a little while ago. You had said such cruel things to him and it broke his heart. Now, to me, that is harming him. He wandered out into your world all alone and vulnerable. What if the other angels had gotten their hands on him, hmm? That was a thoughtless act, Dean Winchester. Thoughtless indeed. And to think I went to such lengths to give you such a fine gift. That I helped to bring the two of you together."

Dean closed his eyes and clenched his fists in a rage. "I was pissed off. And I'm sorry for what I said. Where is Castiel? I want to talk to him."

"So you can break his little heart again? No, I'm afraid that is not acceptable."

"You son of a bitch. If you do anything to hurt him I will kill you. I don't give a fuck about the other angels or you're fucking Apocalypse. If you hurt him I will hunt you down and I will kill you," He growled into the phone.

"I have no intention of harming my brother. I care for him far more than you are capable of and I will protect him from harm. Oh, and if you still desire to hunt me down, I suggest you needn't bother returning to Georgia. We will be gone by then."

Dean felt his heart thunder in his chest. "Where are you going? Where are you taking him?"

"Somewhere safe. A place where I can grow my armies."

There was a click and then the phone went dead.

* * *

Lucifer looked over at Castiel who was sleeping on the bed. He smiled tenderly as he looked at him.

"Sleep well, my brother," he said quietly. "Soon you will join me. Soon, you and I will bring down those who have betrayed us. Then, together, we shall rise to power."

He raised his goblet towards Castiel in a gesture of cheers. Then put the goblet to his lips and drank down the sweet red virgin blood that had been collected earlier that morning.


	31. Chapter 31

WARNING! This chapter contains some graphic torture! Please read with caution if you are the least bit squeamish!

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Chapter 31

Castiel sat on the hotel bed while he surveyed his new surroundings. It had been three days since he had left Dean and was brought to Lucifer. He had half expected Lucifer to throw him aside, but instead was greeted with open arms. The next day Lucifer had announced that they would be moving to a new location. A place where they would be safer. Castiel had gone with him, not knowing where else to go.

His new "home" was a luxury hotel in Colorado. The hotel was nestled in amongst the mountains, hidden away from the rest of the world. Lucifer's minions had taken care of the hotel staff before Lucifer and Castiel had arrived by possessing their bodies and slaughtering the guests who weren't lucky enough to leave before their arrival. Castiel was fortunate enough not to have witnessed it, but he could see the demons cleaning up the blood in the dining room area.

Lucifer almost seemed excited to bring Castiel to this place. He had been more than accommodating to make sure all of Castiel's needs and wants were met. He was given a room in the largest suite with a view of the surrounding mountains. Any food that Castiel requested was brought to him without hesitation. He wanted for nothing.

But he missed Dean more with each passing day. He wished that he could just forget about him and move on, but he didn't know how. His entire human existence had been spent with Dean Winchester and now he was left on his own with his only companions being Lucifer's minions and Lucifer himself. While it was surprisingly the calmest experience Castiel had as a human, it was also the loneliest.

He had considered calling Dean, just to make sure he was OK and to let him know he was safe. But when Castiel listened to the message Dean had left for him he quickly changed his mind.

_"I can't believe you walked out on me, Castiel! This only proves that I was right! You never loved me and I will never forgive you for want you've done to me! Now I know what you really are and I hope I never have to see you again."_

All hope for reconciliation was destroyed as Castiel listened to those words. He felt incredibly alone and despite the beauty and luxury surrounding him all he could do was grieve his loss.

It was their second day at the hotel when Castiel heard a knock at his door. When it opened he saw Lucifer enter.

"Hello, Castiel. How are you doing today?"

"Fine," Castiel replied quietly.

"You haven't been out enjoying the hotel. Is something wrong?"

Castiel hesitated before speaking.

"It… it's beautiful here. And I am grateful for all you have done for me, Brother. I just… I've preferred to be alone."

Lucifer nodded solemnly.

"It's that Dean Winchester, isn't it? Still pining over him are you?"

Castiel looked down shamefully.

"I know I shouldn't. I know that I must move on… I just feel… alone."

Lucifer sighed and came over to kneel by Castiel's side.

"I assure you, my brother, that you are not alone here. I am here for you and my mission is to restore you to your former self. To restore you to being the proud soldier for our Father that had no fear or doubts. I wish to only bring you happiness."

Castiel smiled weakly at him.

"Thank you, Lucifer, but I'm afraid that is impossible. My grace is gone. I am fallen. And I doubt our Father wants anything to do with me."

Lucifer studied him carefully before speaking.

"What if that were not true? What if I could help you restore what you have lost?"

Castiel looked over at his brother, his eyes full of fear and mistrust.

"I do not wish to become one of your corrupted minions," Castiel said firmly with only a slight tremble in his voice. "I know what happens to the fallen and I won't become one of them!"

Instead of becoming angry as Castiel had expected, Lucifer chuckled and smiled at him tenderly.

"I would never allow you to become one of those mindless fools that are below me, Castiel. You are truly one of the most beautiful among us in both appearance and in your actions. But you have grown weak by suffering at the hands of others. I cannot sit by any longer and watch you suffer needlessly."

He rose to his feet and held his hand out to Castiel.

"Come, brother. I have brought you a gift."

Castiel hesitated for a moment before rising to his feet and allowing himself to be led out of the room. He followed Lucifer down the hallway and down the stairs to the main level of the hotel. Lucifer brought him to a set of closed doors where he stopped and smiled.

"Your gift is in here, Castiel," Lucifer said warmly. "It was quite difficult to obtain. I do hope you enjoy it."

Castiel cocked his head in confusion having no idea what it could be. Lucifer turned and swung the doors open with a flourish.

"Ta da!" Lucifer announced with a broad smile. Castiel entered the room, still bewildered as to what it could be.

And then he saw it. And he froze in shock and horror.

The room was empty save for two demons who were standing guard and a table in the middle of the room. The room was covered with insignias meant for capturing angels. In an alcove in the middle of the room there were various knives and devices with glowing blue inscriptions on them.

And there was the angel shackled to the table in the center of the room.

Zachariah.

His face was pale and bruised. He was stripped naked save for his underwear. His eyes were wide with terror and his mouth was gagged. Castiel staggered back in horror.

"Wha-what is this?" Castiel gasped. "What is he doing here?"

"I brought him here for you, my brother," Lucifer replied nonchalantly as he took Castiel's arm and led him into the room fully. He brought him up next to the table before letting go of him.

"This angel is a traitor, Castiel," Lucifer explained as if he were teaching a lesson in a classroom. "He has betrayed our Father and spoken blasphemy about him. He also tormented you and caused you a great deal of suffering and punished you unjustly. Now, I bring him before you so you may enact your justice."

Castiel's terrified eyes quickly went from Zachariah to Lucifer and then back again.

"What… I don't understand…"

Lucifer calmly picked up one of the knives that were sitting on the table. Zachariah let out a muffled cry and tried vainly to escape his bonds. Lucifer pointedly ignored him as he studied the knife.

"Justice, Castiel. We cannot allow angels like this one to continue their acts that mock our Father. They each must be brought to justice swiftly. Once our Father sees our loyal acts He will reward us."

Castiel stared at him in shock over what he was hearing.

"You want me to murder him?" Castiel whispered.

Lucifer nodded solemnly. "It is the only way to truly stop them, my brother. You must understand, Castiel, by doing this you will bring about justice for what he did to you, but you will bring glory to our Father. You will be proving your loyalty."

Castiel felt as though he was going to be sick. He looked back at Zachariah who was watching him with terrified eyes. He could see the sweat pouring off the angel's brow as he was forced to lie there on the table. Castiel shook his head desperately and took a step back.

"No… no, I can't do this," Castiel gasped hoarsely. "I can't murder another angel."

Lucifer moved quickly to his side, the blade still in his hand.

"I understand your hesitation, my brother," Lucifer said quietly. "But he is a traitor! I know you have never been one to go against your brethren, but to show your strength you must stand strong and be ready to put a stop to those like this one. Stand strong, Castiel!"

He placed the knife in Castiel's trembling hand. Castiel stared down at Zachariah who was staring back at him, his face full of terror. Reaching out his hand Castiel pulled the gag from Zachariah's mouth.

"What have you to say for yourself?" Castiel barely managed to choke out.

Zachariah gasped in a lungful of air.

"Please… please, Castiel… don't do this… you can't do this to me… forgive me… I'm sorry for what I've done to you… I was wrong!"

"He lies!" Lucifer growled as he moved to the opposite side of the table. "He is a traitor to our Father and brethren! Remove his soul!"

"NO!!!" Zachariah screamed and he began struggling again. "Please no! You can't do this, Castiel! Don't listen to him!"

Castiel felt beads of sweat begin to trickle down the back of his neck. He remembered what Zachariah had done to him at the warehouse. He remembered the beatings he received when he was dragged back to Heaven. He remembered vividly the mocking words Zachariah had spoken to him and the things he had forced him to do to Dean. He raised the knife into the air and he knew all eyes were on him. Zachariah deserved to die for everything he had done.

And then Castiel remembered Anna. And he remembered how taking her life had made him feel.

His arm that held the knife dropped limply at his side. He closed his eyes and a tear trickled down his cheek.

"I can't," Castiel whispered. "I just can't…"

He felt Lucifer come up alongside of him and take the knife from his hand.

"Do not be hard on yourself, Castiel," Lucifer said softly. "You are a gentle soul and that is one of the reasons I love you, my brother."

Lucifer pressed a gentle kiss to Castiel's forehead.

"Go rest, my brother. I shall take care of this so you needn't be bothered by it."

Castiel weakly turned and staggered out of the room feeling completely drained. Lucifer carefully watched him until he saw him go up the stairs. When he saw Castiel was no longer in sight Lucifer signaled for the doors to be shut. He then turned back around and gave Zachariah a warm smile.

"You are a foolish angel," Lucifer said in a gentle tone. "You turned away one of your most loyal soldiers and gave him to me. I thank you for such a beautiful gift, Zachariah. Truly I have become very fond of Castiel. Once I restore his powers he can be my equal someday. And our Father will smile down on us for eliminating the corrupt like yourself."

Zachariah shook his head furiously.

"God is no more," Zachariah ground out. "He cares nothing for what has happened and He certainly cares nothing about you and that abomination you call your brother!"

Lucifer frowned at Zachariah's words. He leaned in close and pressed the blade to the angel's forearm.

"I must ask that you never refer to my brother in such a manner ever again, Zachariah," Lucifer said coolly.

With that he dug the blade deep into Zachariah's left forearm and dragged it up to his elbow. Zachariah let out a scream of pain that Lucifer smiled at.

"Ah, such a beautiful sound. Reminds me of home," he said with a sigh before leaning in and lapping up the blood that gushed out of the open wound.

Zachariah continued to scream in agony when Lucifer finally stood back up and motioned for the demons in the room into action. They grabbed buckets which were set under each arm and gathered the blood that began seeping down after Lucifer sliced into his left forearm.

"Have you ever tasted angel blood, Zachariah?" Lucifer asked calmly over the angel's screams. "No? It's quite delicious, especially fresh. A true delicacy. Difficult to acquire, naturally. You angels can be quite tricky to capture. But my loyal minions have moments of being rather clever as you saw when they brought you to me."

"You'll never get away with this!" Zachariah cried out through the haze of pain. "We will stop you!"

Lucifer paused to think on Zachariah's words before calmly shaking his head.

"No, I'm afraid you will have nothing to do with it, Zachariah."

With that Lucifer carefully sliced into Zachariah's chest and began cutting him open. Zachariah screamed in terror and pain as Lucifer calmly sliced away enough of the flesh to reveal the vessel's insides while blood gushed out of the body with each of the newly exposed heart's beats. Lucifer reached inside and grasped the beating heart.

"_Ego sum Lucifer, Dux quod Rex rgis of Regnum of Underdark. Capio vestri venia quod propono vobis meus vox. Ego vindico vos in nomen nostri Abbas pro vestri delictum, Zachariah. Vos vadum exsisto haud magis!"_

Zachariah's grace exploded from the vessel in a bright light, instantly destroying the two other demons in the room. Lucifer, however, calmly watched the display and saw the grace slide into a glass vial sitting in the alcove. The now-empty vessel went limp, lifeless eyes staring up at nothing.

Lucifer, still unruffled by what had just occurred, walked over to the alcove and picked up a clean white hotel towel and began wiping the blood off his hands despite his shirt and pants being saturated with the liquid. He looked over to where the two demons had been and frowned.

"I'll be needing more help around here," he mused to himself.


	32. Chapter 32

OK, so I wasn't even thinking when I posted the last chapter because I forgot to post the translation of the Latin with it! *_facepalm_* So I went back and translated it and I'm sorry if it's not 100% perfect because I don't actually remember what I wrote and the program I use to write the Latin doesn't always translate things back the way I originally write them:

(Rough)Translation: _"I am Lucifer, Lord and Ruler of the Underdark. Your grace will be removed as you are unworthy. I punish you in the name our Father for your transgressions, Zachariah. You will be no more!"_

Chapter 32

Dean drove through the desolate countryside with no signs of civilization in sight except for the occasional road sign indicating just how far away the next town was. He was alone and while it was lonely traveling by himself, it also gave him a chance to reflect not only on recent events, but all of the events that had led up to this point.

He had lost so much. And he was so tired. Tired of the fight that seemed to get them nowhere. He had lost his mother. His father. So many friends. And even Sam. Yes, he was getting better and was no longer under the influence of Ruby and the demon blood, but his brother, the brother Dean had always known, had died the day the Hellhounds came for Dean's soul.

And now Castiel had been taken by Lucifer. The angel who had given up his entire existence for him… the angel who had become both a friend and lover… gone. And for what? Because Dean couldn't keep his cool for once. Because he had to be a dick and say things he didn't mean.

He had stopped by Bobby's before heading to Utah because he wanted to check on Sam himself. He needed to be reassured that _something_ was going right. And Sam had looked better. A lot better. But despite everyone's insistence Dean had decided to go to Jacob's alone. There had been a whole lot of yelling and a lot of arguing.

"You god damn idigit!" Bobby yelled furiously. "This could be a trap for all you know! And you're supposed to be the one who can kill the son of a bitch, so what happens if you die?"

Dean understood their worries and complaints, but he refused to back down.

"I need to think about some stuff. _Alone_. You guys need to work on figuring out where Lucifer went. When I get back then we'll fight him. _Together_. But this… this I need to do alone."

The sun was setting in the west when Dean pulled up to the church. The clear sky was melting into a pool of vibrant pinks, oranges and blues. Off in the distance he could see the mountains slowly fading into the darkness as night approached. He could hear the occasional chirp of a cricket or a tweet of a bird as they settled in for the night. It was a beautiful sight and it was incredible to him that there was still such beauty in the world when everything else was crashing down around him.

Dean pulled out his phone and flipped it open. He scrolled through the menu until he got to the application holding all his pictures. He brought up the picture of Castiel sleeping that morning after they first made love. Dean's heart clenched as he took in Castiel's innocent sleeping face. So at peace. He then went back to where he stored his videos that he had recorded. He selected one of them and began watching.

It was from when they had gone out for breakfast that first morning. They were both feeling silly and happy together and for fun Dean had recorded Castiel looking at the menu. Castiel looked up at the camera and cocked his head in that confused manner he always did.

_"What are you doing?" Castiel asked quizzically._

_"Making a video," Dean replied off camera._

_"A video?"_

_"Yeah. So I can show off how sexy you are while you're reading a menu."_

_Castiel blushed and tried to hide behind the menu._

_"Look at that. This guy has been around for a couple millenniums and killed more demons than even the best hunters out there, but he's camera shy!"_

_Castiel peeked over the top of his menu and glared at him._

_"I'm not camera shy!"_

_"Prove it!"_

_Castiel set down the menu and folded his arms across his chest._

_"There. Happy?"_

_"Hmm… not yet. Need you to say something."_

_Castiel sighed, but could be seen trying to fight a smile._

_"Alright. What do you want me to say?"_

_"Do you love me?"_

_Now Castiel broke out into a wide smile._

_"I love you. You know that."_

_"Hmm… I dunno if that was convincing enough. If I'm going to put this on YouTube you need to give me more than that!"_

_Castiel cocked his head in confusion._

_"What's 'YouTube'?"_

_"Never mind. Just tell me all the reasons you love me. And don't spare the details!"_

_Castiel smiled shyly and ducked his head while playing with the edge of his menu. "But you know why."_

_"I forgot. So you need to tell me and I'll have it recorded this time so I won't forget again."_

_Castiel's blush deepened, but finally nodded._

_"Fine. I love you because… you are handsome… passionate… brave… stubborn…"_

_"You love me because I'm stubborn?"_

_Castiel nodded. "We wouldn't be here if you weren't. You are also loyal… caring…"_

_"Good in bed?" Dean volunteered._

_Castiel's blush deepened. "Yes…" He admitted shyly._

_The camera shifted and landed on Dean's beaming face._

_"There, see? Documented proof that I am awesome in bed!" He announced proudly before turning the camera back on Castiel's blushing face._

_"That is only a part of the reason why I love you!"_

_"So tell me the main reason!"_

_"Because… when I'm with you… I feel safe… and… and loved…"_

_They grasped each other's hand and Castiel smiled warmly._

_"I love you too, Cas. I always will."_

The recording ended there. Dean wiped away the tears he hadn't realized had escaped until that moment.

He had to get Castiel back. Somehow.

Taking a deep breath Dean shoved his phone back into his pocket and got out of the car. He made his way past the darkening burial mounds until he reached the church door. He hesitated before knocking. When he heard no response he opened the door and looked inside.

"Jacob?" Dean called out as he entered the church while looking around. "It's Dean Winchester!"

"Come in, Dean," he heard a voice at the front of the church call out. Dean could see Jacob sitting in the first row of pews, looking at the platform at the front of the church.

Dean made his way carefully down the aisle, glancing around him to make sure nothing was going to spring out after him. The church was dark except for a few of the candles at the front of the church being lit. It was both beautiful and eerie as the light flickered off of the stained glass windows. When Dean finally reached Jacob he saw the old man sitting placidly with a small smile on his face.

"Hey," Dean said. "Sam said you called and had something to show us."

"I did, Dean," Jacob replied calmly.

Dean stood there. He felt something… almost an uneasy feeling as he watched the calmness surrounding Jacob.

"Um… are you going to show it to me?"

"In time, Dean. Please, sit down."

Dean clenched his jaw.

"Look, Jacob, I don't mean to be rude, but we really don't have a lot of time here. The Apocalypse is going on out there and Lucifer is building his army and I have to find him before he kills anyone else."

Jacob looked up at him and smiled patiently.

"We have all the time we need, Dean. Please sit down."

Dean felt his uneasiness growing. He took a step back and reached for the demon killing knife hidden under his jacket.

"What's going on here, Jacob? What did you call me here for?"

Jacob continued to watch Dean calmly.

"I have information to help you, Dean. That is why I called you here."

Dean's heart began to race in his chest and he felt the adrenaline course through his veins.

"You're not Jacob," Dean stated firmly as he took another step back while watching Jacob closely.

Jacob nodded thoughtfully.

"Yes, you are correct, Dean. Jacob no longer resides in this vessel."

At this statement Dean drew the knife and took a defensive stance.

"Who the hell are you and what the hell did you do to Jacob?" Dean demanded furiously.

Jacob made no reaction to Dean's actions. He remained seated on the pew, watching Dean intently.

"I sent Jacob home to be at peace. He carried out his duties well and he received his just reward."

"Is that right?" Dean sneered. "So what the hell are you then? Another angel? Cuz let me tell you, buddy, I'm getting pretty sick and tired of you pricks."

Jacob arched an eyebrow at him, but still made no other move.

"Really, Dean? And why is that?"

Dean looked at him incredulously.

"Gee, let me think about it for a minute. Maybe it has something to do with you guys lying to me and Sam from the beginning. You tried to separate us and you almost got Sam killed! And then there's all the shit you've done to Castiel. You sons of bitches tortured him and cut out his grace! You're no better than the monsters Sam and I have been hunting our whole lives!"

Dean was trembling now while Jacob sat quietly and mulled over Dean's words.

"Yes, I am afraid what you have said is all true. The angels have not proven their worth, have they, Dean?"

This conversation was not going in any way how Dean expected it to go.

"So, what? You're here to prove you're different?"

Jacob chuckled. "Well, I _am_ different, Dean."

Dean let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah right."

"I am different. And I am much more aware of what has been going on than you realize, Dean."

"Is that a fact?"

"Indeed it is."

"OK, so what exactly do you know?"

Jacob smiled pleasantly.

"I know you have fallen in love with Castiel and he with you."

Dean started at Jacob's response.

"I know that you have been intimate with each other on several occasions. I know that you had an argument with him that caused him to leave and be taken in by Lucifer. I know before you came in here tonight you were looking at pictures and videos of him. You blame yourself for what happened and you are now looking for a way to rescue him. What else should I tell you, Dean?"

Dean stood in the aisle stunned, the knife hanging weakly at his side. The candlelight flickered and Dean could see Jacob's face, the surface worn by the many years he had been alive, but his eyes were lit up and vibrant. This was no angel or any demon.

"Who are you…?" Dean whispered.

Jacob smiled broadly and rose to his feet.

"I'm God, Dean Winchester."


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

"God?"

"Yes."

"You're God?"

"Yes."

"As in _the God_."

"Yes."

Dean stared at the vessel that was formerly Jacob and chuckled.

"Yeah right."

"You still doubt me?"

"Why would _God_ take over an 80 year old man's body and hang out in a church out in the middle of Nowhere, Utah?"

Jacob looked around the small church with a wistful smile.

"It is quite peaceful here. I rather enjoy it."

Dean shook his head and laughed.

"This is bullshit."

Jacob looked quizzically at him. "What is?"

"There is no freaking way you're _God_."

"But I am God."

Dean folded his arms across his chest. "Alright then. Prove it."

Jacob arched an eyebrow at him and sighed.

"Very well."

Suddenly, a guitar rift cut through the air. Dean glanced down confused at his jacket pocket. He pulled out his cell phone and shot a confused look at Jacob who nodded patiently at him. Dean hit Send and held it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Dean. It's Chuck."

"Chuck?" Dean actually held the phone away from himself and stared at it in complete puzzlement for a moment before putting it back to his ear. "Why are you calling me?"

He could tell Chuck was very nervous.

"Um, Dean… that's God you're talking to."

Dean almost dropped the phone.

"What?"

"You're talking to God right now."

Dean didn't know what to say. He stared open mouthed at Jacob who was waiting patiently.

"You're not serious."

"I wrote this chapter last night. You're talking to God. The man in front of you is God in Jacob's vessel."

Now Dean really didn't know what to say.

"Great. So… uh… now you know so I'm just going to hang up now. Um… yeah… bye, Dean."

Dean listened to Chuck hang up. He swallowed hard as he put his phone in his pocket.

"Now, do you believe me?"

Dean nervously moistened his lips with his dry tongue and forced a smile.

"Cute trick," he said with a weak laugh. "How'd you pull that off?"

Jacob sighed. "No trick, Dean."

Dean shook his head. He saw Jacob's face continue to stare calmly at him and his stomach began to knot up as the truth sank in.

"You…" Dean whispered as he began to tremble. "You're God…"

"Yes."

Dean looked down at the floor and could feel a mixture of emotions welling up inside of him. Tears began to form and he could no longer contain himself. He let out a scream of pure rage and lurched forward, hitting the old man in the face.

_"YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! You let my mother and my father die by demons! You let Sam drink demon blood! You let that yellow-eyed son of a bitch take him from me! You let me go to __**HELL**__!!! And then you let Castiel be raped and tortured and fall and you never did a DAMN THING! WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF GOD ARE YOU!?!?!?!"_

Dean continued to scream and cry and pound on the old man with all his strength. God waited, patiently, quietly. Despite the beating he was taking no bruises or other injuries appeared. Dean's outburst lasted for several minutes before he collapsed to the floor in sobs. God knelt beside him silently and waited. Finally Dean looked up at him, his eyes full of anger mixed with grief.

"I hate you," Dean said weakly as he turned his face away.

God smiled gently and placed His hand on Dean's flushed cheek.

"And I love you, my son."

Another sob escaped Dean's throat and he shook his head.

"No, you don't."

"I love you very much, Dean. You are one of my children, how could I not love you?"

"I've done things… _horrible_ things…"

"I know everything you have done, Dean. I have known you even before you were born to this Earth."

God smiled at Dean and Dean could feel a comforting warmth he had never felt before. But he was still full of confusion and pain that would not be soothed. Dean wrapped his arms around himself weakly.

"Why haven't you been there? Why have you been letting all these people get torn to shreds down here? How can you say you love me after everything you've let me go through?"

God sighed and settled Himself down on the floor next to Dean. He carefully wrapped His arms around the young man and pulled him against his chest.

"I am sorry, Dean. I am so sorry you have had to suffer so. I have never left you, though. I have always been watching you and have intervened whenever I could."

"But my mom and dad…"

"They made their own choices, Dean. You must understand that when I gave you humans the gift of freewill that it came with a price. When you make a choice you must live with the consequences of that choice. Your mother made the choice to make the deal with the demon and you have had to live with the consequences of her choice. Your father also made a choice to make his deal. That is freewill, Dean. Any intervention on my part would take that away."

Dean shook his head against God's chest.

"But Sam…"

"Sam continues to make his own choices. And you chose to make your deal to save him. It is all about what choices you make, Dean."

Dean gulped in a mouthful of air, trying to slow down the stuttering sobs that still escaped him.

"But Castiel…"

God's smile broadened.

"Ah, yes. Castiel. Truly one of my finest and most loyal soldiers."

"So… you're not angry at him? For doubting… and… and me and him…?"

God chuckled. "No, Dean. No, I understand the reasons for his doubting and am actually glad for it. Castiel knew that something was amiss. He knew it was not my order to allow Lucifer to be set free. And as for you and him… do you love him, Dean?"

The question was so simple and basic that Dean could scarcely believe it was actually God asking it.

"Yes."

"And he loves you. Deeply. Love is an incredible thing and there are so many kinds of love. There is love of your family. Love for your friends. And there is the love you and Castiel share. That kind of love can be an incredible thing when nurtured and allowed to grow. While it was not my original intent… I cannot deny my children the joy that kind of love brings."

Dean sat quietly for a moment as he absorbed God's words.

"Are you the same God Pastor Jim told me and Sam about?" Dean couldn't help but ask.

God's smile broadened.

"You were expecting a God who smites down humans for every transgression they commit? A God who expects nothing but unwavering faith and will cast out any who dare question Him?"

Dean shrugged. "Yeah, well, something like that."

"I love all of my children unwaveringly, no matter what their sins may be. While I desire their love in return, I understand that some are reluctant to give it. And I did not create humans to be perfect. You are beautiful creations that are each unique and special in your own way. And I see inside the hearts of all of you and know the truth of who you really are. I know those who truly deserve my wrath, and you and Castiel, do not."

Dean didn't know what to say, but he found himself starting to become calmer and more accepting of the situation.

"How long have you been Jacob?"

"From the moment you first met Me. Jacob's heart was failing when I came to him and he willing gave Me his vessel. All of you acted nobly in your actions to save him."

"So… you saw what happened… and when Sam took you to the hospital?"

"I played the necessary role."

"And you never told Castiel the truth."

"That wasn't the time to tell him."

Dean thought on that statement.

"So… can you help me find Castiel? And stop Lucifer? I mean… the angels told me I'm the only one who can stop him. I don't even know now if that's true or not. I just want Castiel back."

God nodded slowly and Dean couldn't help but notice the look of sadness in His eyes.

"Lucifer seeks to bring down mankind. He wants to show me that humans do not deserve my love. He believes that Castiel can help him with this."

Dean sat up and looked at God in the eyes.

"Tell me how to stop him. I'll do anything."

God studied Dean carefully and nodded slowly.

"Yes… I know you will, Dean. Tomorrow you will receive a phone call from Chuck the Prophet. He will tell you where to find Lucifer."

God stood up and walked up to the platform at the front of the church. Dean stood up, watching Him. From behind the pulpit God pulled out a silver sword with glowing blue inscriptions in the handle. He then came forward and handed it to Dean.

"This is the weapon that will be used to defeat him," God said solemnly. "Use it well."

Dean took the sword in his hand was surprised at how light it was. He looked back at God nervously.

"I have more questions," he said quietly.

God smiled. "And someday you will have eternity to ask them. But tonight you must return to your brother and prepare."

Dean opened his mouth to say something else when God reached forward and touched him on the forehead. Suddenly the church spun and faded from view. The next thing he realized he was sitting in the driver's seat of the Impala parked outside of Singer's Salvage Yard. He looked over and saw the sword lying on the seat next to him. Dean took a deep breath and grabbed the sword. He had to tell Sam and Bobby everything.

******************************************************************************

I would like to go on record as saying that writing a conversation with God is HARD!!! *sigh*

Hope you enjoyed. More to come when I figure out what exactly I want to have happen next. Unfortunately, I need to come up with the filler material to get me to the next big event! So, as always, suggestions are VERY welcomed!


	34. Chapter 34

Sorry this update took me a little while. Was having a hard time deciding what to write! Here it is finally!

******************************************************************************

Chapter 34

A spray of coffee shot across the room and Bobby made a sound like he was choking. Sam stared at his brother in shock.

"You talked to _God_?"

"Yup."

_"The God?"_

"Yup."

"And then you tried to beat the hell out of Him?"

"No! He told me who He was, _then_ I tried beating the crap out of Him, and then we talked."

"Dean, you're unbelievable."

"What? I was pissed!"

Dean sat in Bobby's living room and was recounting his story of meeting God. Sam was shaking his head in shock at Dean's actions. Bobby was also shaking his head in disbelief while Ellen sat nearby to make sure he didn't choke to death.

Everyone had been surprised when Dean had returned to Bobby's so soon. What they hadn't been prepared for was his reason why.

"So," Bobby said as he cleared his throat, "You're saying God gave you a sword to defeat Lucifer with?"

Dean nodded. "That about sums it up."

"And Chuck is going to contact you to tell you where Lucifer is?" Sam said slowly.

"That's what He said."

Bobby shot a glance over at the sword that was propped up against the couch next to Dean.

"And He gave you a _sword_ to fight with?" Bobby said incredulously.

Dean glanced down at it and nodded.

"Yeah."

"A _sword_?"

"What? What's wrong with the sword?"

"I don't have a problem with the sword itself. It's the idea of you _using_ the damn thing that scares me!"

Dean scowled. "I can use a sword!"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah!"

"We'll see about that."

* * *

Several hours later Dean was staggering up the stairs and dragging the sword behind him. He finally made it into his room and groaned as he dropped the sword on the floor and fell face first into the bed. He heard someone come into the room behind him and chuckle.

"So how was the sword training?" He heard Sam snicker.

"Bobby sucks," Came Dean's muffled reply.

"Guess he forgot to mention that he was the fencing champion in his unit in the army, huh?"

"The bastard did mention it after he kicked my ass for over an hour!"

He heard Sam laugh again as he sat down on the bed next to him.

"Hey, he's just trying to help."

"Yeah yeah. I know. Kicking my ass is a big help!"

"Well… you know Lucifer is going to be tough to beat… he's just trying to prepare you…"

Dean looked up at Sam and could see the worry on his face.

"Hey," Dean said trying to sound upbeat. "We're going to win this."

Sam looked down at his hands and smiled sadly.

"And how do you know that, Dean? I mean… I know you talked to God and everything… but… if we were supposed to win then why did all this have to happen in the first place? Why did so many people have to die when He knew what was going on the whole time?"

Dean sat up at this point and sighed. He shook his head slowly.

"Man, I don't know. I mean… everything that's happened has been pretty crappy… we've had to give up a lot of things… I tried asking Him why and all He had to say was that it was all about 'free will' and the choices we make. That He can't interfere because it would take that away from us."

"But He's helping us now. I mean… why now? After all the people who have died and all the suffering that's gone on… why is He stepping in now? What's changed?"

Dean shook his head and felt his stomach knot at the question.

"I don't know, Sammy. And I'd love to find out… but unfortunately for us we just don't have the time.

* * *

_It was a beautiful day. Dean was resting comfortably in his Adirondack chair on the dock and he carefully watched the bobber in the water, waiting for it to alert him to the fish he caught. It was an early fall morning and the leaves on the trees were turning into vibrant reds and oranges and yellows. Mountains could be seen looming in the background. A loon flew across the lake to land on the other side. It was beautiful. Peaceful._

_"Its places like these that I always enjoyed creating," God said thoughtfully. "Here I could create such wonders, simple, yet always breathtaking."_

_"Dad took me and Sam here when I was 8," Dean said quietly. "He knew someone who had a camp and we got to stay here for a whole month. Best time of our lives."_

_"Your father wanted to keep you boys here. But another lead came up and he felt he had no other choice but to pursue it."_

_"And why didn't you help him?"_

_"Who says I didn't?"_

_Dean looked over at God. He was sitting in the chair next to Dean, His face as calm as always._

_"Why didn't you axe that demon?" Dean asked almost accusingly. "A lot of lives could have been saved."_

_God smiled patiently at Dean. "You eventually killed the demon yourself, Dean."_

_"Well, yeah. After Dad had to sell his soul and I sold mine for Sam."_

_"And it all came together in the end, didn't it?"_

_"No offense, God, but that was a pretty crappy way for it to all 'come together.'"_

_God said nothing, but chuckled to himself. The two sat silently for a few minutes and stared out at the water._

_"Why me?"_

_"Why not you?"_

_"Come on. I think I deserve one straight answer!"_

_"And I will give you one when you ask the right question."_

_Dean huffed in annoyance. "Fine. Why did you pick me to defeat Lucifer? Why not Sam? Sam's a heel of a lot better person than I am. He's the one who's always been praying and having faith and all that. He's the one you should be having save the world."_

_"Sam's role is no lesser than your own, Dean. You cannot defeat Lucifer without him. He has a part to play that will aid you to complete your task."_

_"Alright. But that still doesn't answer my question."_

_God paused for a moment as He thought carefully._

_"You were chosen, Dean, because of all my children that I have put on this Earth, you were the one I knew could carry the burden that the one I chose would be forced to carry."_

_The calm smile God had once had on His face faded and a look of sadness filled His eyes._

_"Many individuals in your place would have fallen by the trials they had to face. Many would have given up long ago. Or they would have let the horrors they had seen turn them into something that could be barely recognized as human."_

_Dean felt a lump form in his throat and tears beginning to sting his eyes._

_"I did let it turn me, though," Dean said quietly. "You know what I did in Hell."_

_God nodded slowly and Dean saw a single tear slip down His face._

_"I saw what you did in Hell, Dean. And I am sorry that you had to face such horrors. If there had been any other way I would never have let that occur. But you had to go through the fires and torments of Hell, Dean. It was when you emerged that your true persona was shown to everyone. That even though you suffered and committed the acts you did, that experience did not define who you are. You did not bring the dark creature you became with you when you were brought back. You were a righteous man that continually sought to atone for your transgressions."_

_At these words God reached over and gently laid his hand on top of Dean's and smiled._

_"I forgave you long ago, Dean Winchester. And I heard every one of your cries for salvation. You need not ever fear that you are not forgiven."_

_Dean closed his eyes and the tears he had tried to fight back escaped down his face. Despite this he felt as if someone had lifted a huge weight from his shoulders. God smiled warmly and squeezed his hand gently before standing up._

_"I will be going now, Dean, and will give you time to get your rest. It will be time for you to wake up soon."_

_Dean wiped his face with his sleeve and nodded quickly. God started to turn to walk away, but paused after He seemed to think of something._

_"By the way… what do you think of the sword I gave you?"_

_Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head._

_"No offense, God, but I don't know how the heck you expect me to defeat Lucifer with that thing."_

_God chuckled and smiled broadly._

_"Then perhaps I should give you something that is more suited to you. When you wake up go and check your bag. You'll find what you need in there."_

_And then God was gone. And Dean sat alone on the dock._

* * *

Dean opened his eyes. He could see it was still early by how dark his room was. He rolled over and saw the clock on the nightstand read 3:17 am. Flicking on the light Dean got out of bed and went over to his bag in the corner. A quick glance around the room showed that the sword was gone and when he opened the bag he saw a medium sized wooden box that hadn't been there previously. Taking a deep breath he took the box out of the bag and carefully opened the lid. His breath caught in his throat.

There, sitting amongst the velvet lining, was a gun. And not just any gun.

It was the Colt.

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Sorry that took awhile to write! Hard to come up with ideas when you have a headache and are in a foul mood. But I feel much better and am ready to write write write! : )

Man, I can't wait for the stuff that's coming up! It's gonna be exciting! *evil grin followed by a maniacal laugh)


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

_Dean looked up from where he was sprawled out on the motel room bed. He was only dressed in his dark blue boxers and his short hair was disheveled from their previous activities. He smiled as he spotted the camera._

_"What are you recording now?" He asked with a chuckle._

_"I wanted you to tell me something that I wanted to record," Castiel replied simply off camera._

_"Oh yeah? And what's that?"_

_The camera jostled as Castiel sat down on the bed next to Dean._

_"I want you to tell me why you love me," Castiel said somewhat shyly. "Like you made me do the other day."_

_Dean's smile broadened. "Why I love you, huh?"_

_He stretched his arms over his head before settling himself into a more comfortable position._

_"Well… for starters I have to say I just love that little angel ass of yours. That's just hot as hell, especially when you wear jeans!"_

_"Dean!" Castiel admonished._

_Dean laughed. "OK! OK! I love you because… you're smart… funny… sexy… innocent…"_

_"How am I innocent?"_

_Dean smirked. "True. I think after what we did just a little while ago I can toss innocent out the window!"_

_"Dean!"_

_"I'm kidding! But seriously, like when I show you something for the first time… the way you get all interested in it like it's the most amazing thing in the world… I dunno… I just like that about you… and how brave you are… I mean… you've had to deal with so much crap, like falling… it just shows how tough you are…"_

_Dean looked down at the bed sheet and absentmindedly picked at a loose thread._

_"And you pulled me from Hell and gave me my life back… and gave up your own for me… how could I not love you?"_

_The camera jostled again as Castiel dropped it and he leaned into the frame to kiss Dean passionately on the lips. Dean kissed him back while stroking his cheek tenderly. Castiel pulled away and smiled broadly before picking the camera back up and ending the recording._

* * *

Castiel stared at the frozen picture on the phone's screen. Dean's green eyes were lit up and he was smiling, looking so happy and relaxed. Closing his eyes, Castiel flipped the phone closed and wiped away a tear that had escaped.

He missed Dean terribly and instead of getting better with time Castiel felt as though it only hurt worse with each passing day. Despite Dean's harsh words Castiel couldn't help but still love him. He the only way he could explain how he felt about being apart from Dean was that it was just _wrong_. That they weren't meant to be apart, that they were meant to always be together.

Castiel tossed the phone on the bed and rose to his feet. As he walked to the door he couldn't help but remember the message left on his cell phone by Dean. It was quite clear to him that Dean didn't share his sentiments and wanted things to be over, especially since he hadn't tried to contact him since then.

He was in the hallway and ready to round a corner when he heard Jasper's voice drift towards him followed by another voice. Instinctively, Castiel stopped and pressed himself against the wall to remain out of sight. Despite his love for his brother, Castiel still hated being around his followers, particularly Jasper. He always seemed to look at Castiel with disgust and hatred that made the angel's skin crawl.

"Everything's in place," He heard Jasper say calmly. "The day after tomorrow is the new moon and then the ritual can take place."

"So how'd he get the angel grace he needed?" Castiel heard someone else ask. One of the demons he suspected.

Jasper chuckled. "That Castiel took care of it for him! Before Master rose the angel went after another angel and drained the grace right out of her! Master found it in a vial in the angel's bag the day I brought him to him! After that, it was just a matter of finding four other traitors to use to drain them of their grace."

"So this is really it? Just like the prophecy says? _The grace of five traitors on the night of the New Moon shall renew the Fallen. He shall rise with his brother and a new order shall begin. _And the Master has all that he needs to do it?"

"He got the grace and the room for the ceremony all set to go. I don't know how it'll all work, but once he gives that angel all the grace, no one will be able to stop him!"

The two continued talking, but Castiel had stopped listening. His heart pounded in his chest and he trembled with horror.

Anna's grace. Lucifer had found Anna's grace. Castiel had kept it with him and had found it in his old trench coat at Bobby's. He had hidden it away in his bag, not knowing what else to do with it. But now he knew. He had been caught up in a prophecy that he hadn't been aware of and now it was coming to fruition.

Castiel turned and made his way to the lobby of the hotel. He had to know if what he heard was true. He had to know if Lucifer really expected him to help take over the world.

He knew Lucifer where Lucifer was as his brother had been spending most of his time hidden away in that room on the first floor. The doors were shut and while one of the demons tried to protest his entering, Castiel ignored him and pushed pass.

What he saw stopped him dead in his tracks.

It was as if he had been picked up and dropped into the very bowels of Hell. He remembered vividly what Hell was like when he had rescued Dean and if he hadn't been so sure he had just been in the elegant lobby of the hotel, Castiel would have been positive he had gone back. The walls and floor were completed painted with blood. To his right he could see a circle had been drawn over the blood and candles spaced out on the circle. When he looked to his left he nearly collapsed with horror. There were the dismembered vessels that had hosted four angels hanging from the ceiling on meat hooks. The first was Zachariah, his eyes wide and staring at nothing. His chest had been sliced opened and his entrails spilled out and onto the floor. The other three had been treated similarly. The stench of decaying flesh filled Castiel's nostrils and he felt his stomach lurch. He covered his mouth and nose with one hand when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He spun around to see Lucifer smiling at him.

"I see you decided to come view my work, my brother," Lucifer said calmly.

Castiel stared at him in shock.

"What is this?" He whispered horrified.

"This?" Lucifer chuckled. "This is where I will restore you, Castiel. I admit, it may appear grotesque to you, but I promise that you will soon understand why it is necessary. Soon, your powers will be restored and you will be more powerful than you were before!"

Castiel pulled away, too shocked and horrified to speak. He turned and stumbled away, his stomach beginning to heave. Lucifer did not try to stop him. He simply shook his head.

"You will thank me, Castiel! You will be grateful in the end!"

Lucifer's words echoed in his head as Castiel ran into his room and slammed the door shut. He then ran into the bathroom and vomited into the toilet. He pressed his forehead against the cool porcelain and trembled with shock.

_What do I do?_ Castiel thought desperately._ What am I going to do? I can't escape. He won't let me leave. And there's too many for me to fight them all. I'm alone. If only I could tell Dean Lucifer's plans…_

Suddenly, an idea sprang into Castiel's mind. He was afraid that Lucifer could intercept a phone call if he tried to call Dean, but maybe there was another way. Castiel got up off the floor and rushed into the bedroom.

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There ya go, my loyal readers! I gave you TWO chapters tonight! Big stuff is coming! BIG stuff! Stay tuned! : )


	36. Chapter 36

This originally was going to two separate chapters, but for the sake of time I decided to put the two together and give you guys more to read! : ) Now, the first part is very serious and important. The second part… well… one of my loyal readers told me I manage to throw just about everything in my story and wondered if I could find a way to include cows. Random? Yes. A challenge? You bet. And who am I to say no to a challenge? *evil grin*

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Chapter 36

Dean let out a tired sigh and he leaned back in his seat. He had left Sioux Falls earlier that morning with Sam and Bobby while Ellen had gone to try to gather up other hunters in just case something went wrong because, well, there was always that chance.

They had received word from Chuck earlier that morning, just as God had told them. Dean had been anxiously awaiting his call.

_"He's in Colorado," Chuck had told Dean. "He and his minions took over a hotel that's out in the mountains. They figured no one would bother to look for him there. It's in Estes Park. There's a secret passage way you can use to get into the building on the other side of a cow pasture. You have to use it because the rest of the hotel is guarded by demons."_

_"And why is the secret passage not guarded?" Dean asked skeptically._

_He heard Chuck sigh. "Because… because Castiel is going to take care of the demon guarding it."_

_Dean's heart skipped a beat. "Cas is going to help us? How?"_

_"You're going to get a message from him. He's going to tell you where to go…"_

_Dean could tell instantly there was something Chuck wasn't saying._

_"Chuck? What aren't you telling me?"_

_"Dean… I'm sorry. I can't tell you any more. Believe me, I would if I could. I'd tell you everything. But everything has been set in motion and for this to be successful you can only know what I've told you."_

_"Damn it, Chuck! If what you know is important than I should know it too!"_

_"I'm sorry, Dean. I can't tell you anything else."_

Dean ran his hand wearily over his face. He wished he knew more. He wanted to know what exactly Chuck had left out. But what he wanted even more was to hear from Castiel. He had hoped at first that maybe Castiel would contact him through one of his dreams, but soon realized that it would be impossible since he no longer had the power of his grace. So how else would he contact him?

They were stopped at a gas station in order to get gas and briefly stretch their legs. Dean hated having to stop as he was eager to find Castiel, but understood the need for it. Suddenly, his cell phone chimed, indicating he had a new message. He frowned and pulled out his phone. On the screen he saw he had been sent a video from someone. Confused, he flipped open his phone and pressed play and, to his amazement, Castiel appeared.

_"Dean, it's Castiel,"_ the onscreen Castiel said anxiously. Dean could instantly see that Castiel was terrified. His eyes were red-rimmed as if he had been crying for a long time and his face was pale. _"I… I know you probably weren't expecting to hear from me again…or even want to hear from me... I don't even know if you'll even get this message. I can't call you because I know Lucifer monitors all the phone calls coming in and out. But I thought that maybe he wouldn't know if I sent you a message like this…"_

Castiel swallowed nervously and wiped his eyes.

_"I… I don't know what to do, Dean,"_ His voice cracked with emotion. _"I didn't know where else to go so I went to him… and he said he'd take care of me… and I should have known the truth… that he had some other reason behind his kindness to me… but I was afraid and felt so alone after you left that I believed him… and now I know…he… he's killed Zachariah… he butchered him and three other angels who were with him… and he took their grace… and… and he found the vial I had kept of Anna's grace… I know… I know I didn't tell you about that… I had forgotten I even had it… but he found it and now he plans on turning me, Dean… he wants to fill me with this corrupted grace so that I will rise along side of him and together we'd destroy the world…"_

The tears now were flowing freely down Castiel's face.

_"I can't escape, Dean… he'll know if I leave… and there are too many of his minions watching me… I'm afraid… I don't know what to do… please… if you can forgive me… please help me… please don't let him do this to me…"_

Castiel suddenly looked up quickly. He wiped his face with his sleeve and looked back at the camera.

_"I have to go, Dean," _He said quickly. And the video ended.

Dean stared at the frozen image of Castiel's face on his phone. He was sure his heart had stopped and it wasn't until he heard Sam and Bobby get back in the car that he remembered to breathe.

"Hey… Dean? Are you OK?" He heard Sam ask him after he had gotten in the car.

Dean swallowed hard and nodded.

"Yeah… yeah… I just… need to use the restroom real quick."

He got out of the car before Sam or Bobby had a chance to ask anything else. Dean walked to the bathroom that was attached to the side of the building. As soon as he was inside he locked the door. Resting his head against the door his breath came out in ragged pants. And then he let out a scream of rage and kicked the garbage can, sending its contents spilling out on the floor. He slammed his fist into the wall causing a large dent where he made contact. He finally collapsed to the floor in sobs.

His Castiel. His angel. Now in the hands of Lucifer who was going to do exactly what Bobby had told him would happen. He was going to turn Castiel into a monster.

And it was all his fault.

Dean forced himself to take a few deep breaths to calm himself. He wiped his face furiously with his sleeve before pulling out his phone. He scrolled through the menu until he found what he was looking for. He then aimed the camera towards himself and plastered a smile on his face.

"Hey, Cas," Dean said, trying to sound better than he felt. "I got your message and I wanted to let you know everything's going to be OK… that me and Sammy and Bobby are all on the way to get you and get you out of there… I talked to Chuck and he told me where you are and how to reach you… that there's a passage way that leads to the outside… he said you'll be able to take out the demon guarding it… and then we'll get there and everything will be OK…"

Dean could feel himself start to choke up and he struggled to stay composed.

"And, Cas… I… I um… I just wanted to let you know… that I'm going to be there for you… and I'm not mad at you… I swear I'm not mad… I was a dick and I'm sorry for the crap I said… I am… and I'm going to make it up to you… when this is all over… and we're together again… you and me… we'll go to that crazy-ass Jesus park again… and we'll go wherever you want to go… and I'll never let you out of my sight again… I swear it, baby… I… I love you…" Tears began to fall down Dean's face. "And I'll see you soon, OK? I'm gonna fix this for you, Cas. I promise."

He quickly ended the video and buried his face in his hands. Once he had composed himself again he quickly sent the video to Castiel's phone.

"God, I know you're listening, so you better make sure Cas gets that," Dean muttered as he rose to his feet. Taking a deep breath he left the bathroom and jogged back to the car where Sam and Bobby were anxiously waiting for him.

"Everything alright, Dean?" Bobby asked carefully.

Dean nodded. "Yeah. But we have to hurry."

* * *

They finally found the pasture Chuck had been referring to after searching for an hour. They had parked the car and they could see all the way on the other side of the fenced off pasture a door that led underground. Dean wrinkled his nose at the creatures separating them from the door.

"Cows," Dean said with distaste. "I hate cows."

There were about twenty cows in the pasture. Some were resting on the ground, others stood there, watching the three men with mild interest while chewing their cud. Others simply milled around the pasture, calmly eating the grass.

Sam chuckled. "They're just cows, Dean."

Dean covered his nose with his hand. "Ugh. They smell."

Bobby laughed as he jumped over the fence. "You've been around worse, Dean. Let's go!"

Sam smirked at Dean as he followed Bobby over the fence. Dean rolled his eyes and quickly followed.

It was growing dark out and the men were carefully looking around for anything that could be hiding. Dean was glancing behind him when he felt himself step into something a lot softer than the regular ground. He slowly looked down and groaned.

"Oh… man! Come on!"

He lifted his foot out of the pile of manure he had stepped in. Sam turned to see what was wrong and once he saw the look on Dean's face he couldn't help but double over laughing. Even Bobby, who was always very serious when they were on a job, was struggling not to laugh.

"Might want to watch your step there, Dean," Bobby tried to say with a straight face, but couldn't help snickering.

Dean glared at both of them. "Ha ha. Yeah, laugh it up!" He grumbled while trying to wipe off the bottom of his boot on the grass. The odor wafted up to his nose and he couldn't help but dry heave a little. "Oh my god… I think I might puke right here!"

Sam wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes and continued walking. Bobby shook his head and chuckled.

"Come on, boy. Gotta keep moving!"

"Yeah yeah," Dean muttered as he walked and tried to continue wiping his boot off at the same time. "Stupid stinking animals leaving their crap all over the place."

They were over half way to the door when they suddenly heard a noise. When they turned they noticed that the cows that had been calm before suddenly apprehensive and skittish. Bobby frowned nervously.

"Watch yourselves, boys," Bobby said as he watched the cows. "Something's going on."

"They probably just smelled themselves," Dean muttered in annoyance.

As the words left Dean's lips a cow suddenly emerged from the group sending the others stampeding away in terror. The cow seemed a little bigger than the rest. And meaner. And it's eyes were strangely black…

And it was looking directly at the three of them.

"Oh crap," the three men said in unison.

The cow bellowed furiously and began to charge.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Dean yelled as he began to run. "THE FUCKING COW'S POSSESSED!!!"

The 900-pound cow charged towards them, bellowing loudly. They took off running towards the door, frantic to get out of the beast's path.

"The fence won't hold that thing back!" Bobby yelled as they ran. "We have to kill it!"

"Bobby, I don't think I can do an exorcism on a cow that's chasing us!" Sam yelled back.

"Get it with the knife!"

"It'll kill me before I get close enough!"

"Well, do something!"

"Throw some holy water at it!"

Dean reached into his jacket just as they reached the fence. Sam and Bobby managed to jump it while Dean spun around and aimed the Colt, shooting the possessed cow in the head. Bolts of electric-looking charges exploded over the animal and it collapsed a foot away from him.

The night fell silent as the three men stared dumbfounded at the dead animal.

"Wow," Dean said finally. "I can now say I've seen it all. We just got chased and almost killed by a possessed… _cow_!"

He jumped over the fence and shook his head.

"Come on," Bobby finally said. "Let's get inside before anymore of them get possessed too!"

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*snicker* OK, that was just fun to write about and picture in my head! I think the thought of Sam and Dean and Bobby being chased by a possessed cow is pretty hilarious! : )

Feel free to comment and it's OK to tell me I'm a complete dork! LOL!

Oh, and just so you know, the next chapter may or may not be the final chapter. It really depends on how the creative juices are flowing tonight. And before you all freak and beg me not to end it, I will eventually do a sequel (again) when I can actually think of what to write it about. I have one other running story I really want to finish before the Season 5 premiere! : )


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Castiel stared at the phone in his hands, hardly daring to believe what he had just watched. He played the video again, savoring each of the words Dean spoke.

_"… I'll never let you out of my sight again… I swear it, baby… I… I love you… and I'll see you soon, OK? I'm gonna fix this for you, Cas. I promise."_

It had been several hours since he had sent Dean the message and he hadn't been able to safely check for any messages until then. But now, it didn't matter. For the first time in days Castiel felt a glimmer of hope within him. Dean was coming for him. He was going to get him away from there. And they would be together again.

But first Dean had to get to him. And Castiel had a demon to take care of.

He didn't waste any time. He decided the first item he would need would be some holy water which he knew he could make himself. Grabbing an empty water bottle Castiel ran into the bathroom and filled the bottle full. He then covered the top of the bottle with his open palm and closed his eyes. With every ounce of concentration he had he began to chant softly.

_"Meus Abbas, Senior of orbis terrarum quod Polus, defaeco is unda quod planto is sanctus."_

Castiel repeated the chant over and over, the effort of his concentration causing the sweat to start pouring off his face and made his arms tremble. He continued to chant, however, for several minutes before he felt a sudden warmth come from the liquid. Letting out a relieved sigh Castiel smiled broadly he put the cap on the bottle. His confidence grew as he saw he still had the ability to make holy water, although it took far more effort now without his grace than it had in the past. But he could do it, and that was all that mattered.

Glancing around the room to see if there was anything worth grabbing and seeing nothing Castiel quickly slipped out the door and down the hallway. He watched out for any of Lucifer's minions as he went down the back staircase and headed for the basement.

When they had first arrived to the hotel Castiel had gone exploring and had stumbled across a door in the basement that opened into a narrow tunnel. The tunnel, he had discovered, led to a cow pasture south of the hotel. Of course, once Lucifer had learned of the tunnel he had put one of his minions on guard there. Castiel had assumed that Lucifer wasn't very concerned about anyone using the tunnel to try to enter the hotel since he had it so loosely guarded.

Castiel prayed that it hadn't changed.

When he arrived Castiel saw to his relief only one guard at the door. He knew the demon's name to be Ornias, a demon who always liked to start trouble and get the other demons riled up.

Castiel decided he had no problem taking out this demon.

Coming around the corner Castiel called out to him.

"Ornias!"

"What?" Ornias said as he turned.

Castiel swung the bottle and set a splash of the liquid into the demon's face and eyes. Ornias let out a howl of pain and staggered back. Before he could call for help Castiel quickly jumped on top of him and knocked the demon to the floor. Holding him down with every ounce of strength he had Castiel began to chant.

_"__Regna terrae, cantate Deo, psallite Domino qui fertis super caelum caeli ad Orientem Ecce dabit voci Suae vocem virtutis, tribuite virtutem Deo."_

The demon began to cough and seize and Castiel could see the tendrils of black smoke start to trickle from its mouth. It tried to fight harder against him, but Castiel pushed back.

"_Exorcizam__us te, omnis immundus spiritus omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica."_

The demon began fighting harder. Castiel groped along the floor and grabbed the bottle of holy water and dumped the rest of its contents on the demon's face. The demon howled with pain and Castiel recited faster and louder.

"_Ergo draco maledicte __et omnis legio diabolica adjuramus te. cessa decipere humanas creaturas, eisque aeternae Perditionis venenum propinare!"_

To Castiel's relief the smoke poured from the host's mouth and disappeared. The body went limp and Castiel knew that the human was dead. He sat up weakly and panted for breath. The exorcism had exhausted more than he had expected.

Suddenly, he heard the passageway door open behind him. His heart jumped into his throat with fear and he spun around.

There stood Bobby. And following him was Sam.

And then Dean stepped into the room.

Their eyes met and Castiel thought he was going to burst into tears of joy. He was too exhausted to move, but Dean quickly covered the distance separating them and wrapped his arms around Castiel in a warm embrace. Castiel clung to him desperately, not wanting to let go. It was Dean who finally pulled back enough to cup Castiel's face with both hands.

"Hey, Cas," Dean said with a watery smile as he carefully looked Castiel over. "It's OK. Told you I'd be here."

Castiel covered Dean's hands with his own, his heart overflowing with joy. Tears ran down his cheeks and he smiled with pure joy.

"You came. You're really here," Castiel whispered in awe.

Dean nodded. "I'm here. Are you hurt? Are you OK? Did that demon hurt you?" He asked, gesturing to the body on the floor.

Castiel shook his head. "No… no, I was able to exorcise him before he could hurt me. And I was able to subdue him with holy water."

Dean smiled proudly, but Sam cleared his throat.

"Uh, guys? I really hate to interrupt, but we have got to get moving."

"He's right," Castiel said quietly. "I'm sure they know by now what happened to Ornias."

Dean sighed. "Yeah, and they know about us being here too."

Castiel's eyes widened. "How do they know?"

"We got attacked by a possessed cow," Bobby said with a sigh.

Castiel stared at Bobby incredulously. "A cow?"

Dean sighed and helped Castiel to his feet. "Long story. Look, we can't use the tunnel again. Is there another way out of here?"

Castiel frowned anxiously. "There's a back door on the main level, but Lucifer's minions are everywhere. They're going to find us."

"Yeah, well, we have something they're not expecting," Dean said with a smirk as he displayed the Colt proudly. "To give you a quick recap, Cas, I talked to God and He gave me to Colt to kill Lucifer with."

Castiel stared at Dean in stunned silence for a moment before managing to make his voice work.

"You what?"

"I talked to God and He gave me the Colt."

Castiel dropped his gaze and it only took Dean a second to recognize Castiel's look of hurt on his face. Dean felt a stab of guilt as he remembered that Castiel had never had seen or spoken to God before. Trying to make Castiel feel better Dean took his hand and pulled him close.

"Hey," Dean said softly as he touched Castiel's cheek. "You'll get to talk to him yourself when all this is over. I promise."

Castiel looked at Dean and nodded reluctantly, even though Dean could tell he didn't fully believe him. He wanted to prove it to the angel, but knew there was no time.

Castiel began leading them out of the basement. At the top of the stairs he looked around and made sure it was clear before the others came up. The kitchen area was deserted when they entered and Castiel began leading them to the next doorway.

"The back door is in this next hallway. We can get out through there and hide in the woods while we get back to your car," He whispered to them.

"And where are you going, little brother? Your party is about to begin."

Everyone froze. To Castiel's horror Lucifer casually strolled through the doorway with a mock scowl on his face.

"That's not a very nice thing to do, Castiel. After all the work I've done to make this night special just for you."

"Don't you go near him," Dean growled furiously as he reached for Castiel's hand.

Lucifer glared at Dean. "After what you have done to my brother I think you do not get much of a say what happens to him."

He reached over and grabbed Castiel's hand. The angel made no attempt to struggle as he felt himself become overwhelmed by Lucifer's mere presence. Lucifer smiled triumphantly at Dean.

"Although I suppose you and your brother and friend could stay for party. It's something you won't want to miss!"

And before Dean could say a word Lucifer had disappeared.

And he took Castiel with him.

******************************************************************************

Holy Water Translation:

**My Father, Lord of the Earth and Heavens, purify this water and make it holy.**

Exorcism Translation-

**Kingdoms of the Earth, sing unto God, Praises to the Lord that carry above the sky of heaven to the East. Behold, He sends forth His Own Voice, the Voice of Virtue. A tribute the Virtue to God.**

**We exorcise you, every impure spirit, every satanic power, every incursion of the infernal adversary, every legion, every congregation and diabolical sect.**

**Thus, cursed demon and every diabolical legion, we adjure you. Cease to deceive human creatures, and to give to them the Poison of Eternal Perdition.**

Boy, you guys are lucky I'm trying so hard to finish this up tonight! This is definitely a cliffy I'd love to leave you guys with! *really evil grin*

OK, so there will probably be two more chapters after this. Brace yourselves!


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Castiel slowly opened his eyes and struggled to bring the room into focus. As his vision cleared a feeling of terror engulfed him. He was lying on the floor of the horrific room Lucifer had created in the center of the circle and surrounded by candles. He felt as if he were suffocating with panic. He turned his head and saw Lucifer standing next to the circle smiling tenderly at him.

"Do not be afraid, my brother," Lucifer said gently. "Tonight is the night your powers will be returned to you tenfold. You shall rule at my side, Castiel, never to have to feel weak or afraid ever again."

Castiel shook his head desperately and tried to fight the invisible bonds that held him to the floor.

"My brother… please! Don't do this to me! I beg you!" Castiel cried out.

Lucifer continued to smile gently at him.

"This is for your own good, my brother. I'm doing this because I love you. You will thank me when this is over."

Lucifer turned and walked over to the nearby table. Castiel saw him begin to pick up the vials holding the angels' grace and holding each one in the air.

_"Permissum is venia empower cado. Permissum is repleo him quod restituo him ut quis is quondam eram."_

Lucifer repeated the chant for each vial. When he reached the third vial Castiel suddenly heard shouting and then someone pounding on the door.

"CASTIEL!!! CASTIEL!!!" He heard Dean scream.

"DEAN!!!" Castiel yelled back. "I'm in here! I can't move!"

"LUCIFER!!! Get out here and face me! NOW!" Dean accentuated his words with more pounding on the door.

Castiel could see Lucifer frown at the distraction Dean was causing, but continued to focus on the vials.

"It's not working, Dean!" Castiel called out desperately.

"Oh yeah?"

Suddenly two gun shots rang out and Castiel saw the wood around the handles explode away, causing the handles to fall uselessly to the floor. At that Lucifer jerked his head up. The doors flew open and Dean strode through the door, his face twisted with rage.

"I said get your ass out here and give me my angel!" Dean snarled with fury.

"How did you open the door?" Lucifer asked in shock.

Dean smirked. He spun the Colt around his finger before catching it back in his hand.

"Had a little chat with God the other day. Gave me a little present. Said this would be what I would kill you with."

Lucifer let out a roar of fury at Dean's words. Dean aimed the gun and fired, but Lucifer quickly dodged out of the way and then charged at Dean. Dean backtracked out the door and into the lobby where both Sam and Bobby were fighting the best that they could to hold back the demon hordes. The demon killing knife was quickly taking care of most of the demons while exorcism chants and holy water kept many of the others at bay.

Dean dove behind a pillar for cover and took another shot which Lucifer neatly dodged again. One of the demons tried to grab Dean and pull him out, but he quickly disposed of him with a shot to the head.

_This isn't working, _Dean thought desperately to himself. _God, this isn't working! Why the hell is it not working!?_

He jumped up and tried to make a dash to another pillar when he felt an invisible force grab him and lift him off his feet. The force slammed him into the wall, knocking the air from his lungs and causing the Colt to fall to the floor. He was then spun through the air again and slammed into the corner of the room and dropped to the floor.

Dean gasped for air as he struggled to get to his feet. Bracing himself against the wall he managed to get up. He could see Sam and Bobby were still fighting, but they were struggling to hold on. He knew they wouldn't be able to last much longer. He turned to look for the Colt.

And then he froze.

Lucifer stood there calmly staring at him, studying the Colt carefully in his hands. Finally, he raised a hand in the air.

"Cease fighting!" He bellowed.

The room fell deathly silently. Dean could hear Sam and Bobby panting for breath as they struggled to stay on their feet. Dean could feel his heart pounding so hard in his chest that he was sure it would burst from his ribcage at any moment. Lucifer looked at Dean carefully and smirked.

"Well, Dean Winchester," Lucifer said casually, "It seems things have changed."

Dean couldn't say anything. The hope he had felt when he finally saw Castiel had disappeared entirely when he saw Lucifer with the Colt.

_I failed._

"I was told you were the Chosen One, Dean Winchester. I was told you would be the one to save "humanity.'"

_I failed Bobby._

"You were supposed to be this incredible man. The only man who could defeat me."

_I failed Sammy._

"Instead you only prove yourself to be a fool, Dean. A naïve fool who actually believed he could defeat _me_."

_I failed mankind._

"I am Lucifer. _No one_ can defeat me."

_I failed God._

"And now, Dean Winchester, I will take Castiel and he will rise to power alongside me. He will no longer be a frail human like you."

_I failed Castiel._

Lucifer stood across the room. He slowly raised the gun and aimed at Dean's chest. Dean was in a corner. There was nowhere to run.

_I'm sorry, Cas. I'm so sorry I failed you._

"Today you will die. And you will return to Hell where you will be punished for your transgressions against me and my brother. Good bye, Dean Winchester.

Dean closed his eyes. He didn't want to see him fire the gun. He didn't need to. He heard Sam and Bobby scream his name desperately, but he knew the demons wouldn't let them pass. He thought he heard Castiel's voice, but he really couldn't be sure. It felt as though everything slowed down… his breathing… his heartbeat… he braced himself for the impact of the bullet. He heard the sickening sound as the metal hit the flesh and tore into it. But he shockingly felt no pain. He slowly opened his eyes.

A pair of wide blue eyes stared into his.

Dean's heart dropped.

Castiel stared at Dean in shock. He slowly looked down at his chest and the blood that was gushing from the hole that was there, soaking his shirt. He reached out for Dean as his legs gave out and Dean caught him and lowered him to the ground. Castiel's face was rapidly growing pale and he struggled to breathe.

"No," Dean whispered in horror. "No… no no no no no…"

"De-an…" Castiel choked out as blood began to trickle from his mouth. His eyes were wide with shock and fear and he made a sickening gurgling sound in his throat as he gasped for air.

"Cas…" Dean whispered as he cupped the angel's pale cheek. "No… no, this isn't supposed to be what happens… you're not supposed to leave me, Cas… come on, Castiel… you have to fight this… we can fix you… we're going to get you out of here and fix this… just hang on… you have to hang on…"

Castiel struggled for one last gasp of air. And then he breathed out in almost a quiet sigh. He went limp in Dean's arms.

The room was silent. Everyone, even the demons watched Castiel and Dean in stunned silence. Both Sam and Bobby had tears running down their cheeks as they helplessly watched Dean. Lucifer dropped the Colt to the floor. He staggered forward a few steps and dropped to his knees.

"My brother…" Lucifer whispered in shock. "No…"

Dean stared at Castiel's face in disbelief. His whole body began trembling and tears began to well up in his eyes.

"Cas…" He whispered as he tried to shake Castiel's limp body. "Wake up… come on… you can't do this, Castiel… come on… don't leave me again… you can't leave me… please… this isn't happening… this can't be happening… you can't die… please…"

The stark realization finally hit the hunter. Dean collapsed over Castiel's body and sobbed over his fallen love.

******************************************************************************

Latin Translation: **Let this grace empower the fallen. Let it fill him and restore him to what he once was.**


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

The ground began to shake beneath them. The demons started shrieking in terror and tried to run away. Sam and Bobby rushed to Dean's side while the hunter clutched Castiel's body to his chest.

"Dean! Dean, come on! We have to go!" Sam said as he tried to grab Dean's arm. "We can't stay here!"

Dean jerked away from Sam's grasp and shook his head furiously.

"I'm not leaving him!"

Bobby knelt down in front of him. "Dean… I'm sorry… but there's nothing we can do for him now! We have to get out of here!"

Dean shook his head stubbornly and held Castiel tighter.

"I'm not leaving him again!" He yelled furiously.

He looked up and saw Lucifer on his knees staring at Castiel's limp body. Dean filled with rage.

"You killed him, you son of a bitch!" Dean screamed at him. "You killed him!"

Lucifer shook his head slowly as if in shock. "I did not mean to… he wasn't supposed to die… we were to rise up together…" He said quietly.

There was a sudden flash of light on the stairs causing everyone to turn away from the glare. The demons' shrieks were immediately silenced. When they looked up they saw God still in Jacob's vessel calmly walking down the stairs. He looked over at the cowering demons and frowned. He gave a small wave of His hand and suddenly every demon disappeared. With a satisfied nod He walked over to where Sam and Bobby were standing, both staring at Him in awe. God smiled and held His hands out to them.

"Come," God said gently. "We must talk."

As if in a trance Bobby reached out and took God's hand and immediately disappeared. Sam, however, hesitated. He looked anxiously back at Dean who was still holding on to Castiel.

"I will take care of Dean, Sam," God said warmly. "You do not need to worry. Come with me. I have something to tell you that you must hear."

With still some reluctance Sam reached over and took God's hand and also disappeared. Now, there was only God, Lucifer, and Dean in the deserted lobby. God looked over at Lucifer, the smile fading. Lucifer cowered on the floor, hiding his face in his hands.

"My Father… please… I never meant to hurt him… I was trying to help him… I only ever wanted to glorify you! I love you! Please!"

God walked over to Lucifer and shook His head sadly.

"My Son… you have learned nothing in all these millenniums. And now you have taken the life of your brother in attempt to enact your revenge. For that you will be punished, although it breaks my heart to have to do this to you again."

God leaned over and placed His hand on Lucifer's head. Lucifer let out a gasp and then was gone. God closed His eyes for a moment before opening them and finally looking at Dean and Castiel.

"You lied to me," Dean growled before God could say anything. "You said I was going to kill Lucifer. You never said that Cas was going to die!"

"Those were not my words, Dean," God said quietly. "I said you would defeat Lucifer with the weapon I gave you. And that was done. Lucifer has been returned to the Underworld and he has been locked away once more. He was defeated by causing the death of his brother, someone who truly cared about. That was the only way to end this war."

"I don't care what you secretly meant!" Dean said furiously. "I don't care about Lucifer or the angels or the damn war or any of that crap! Just fix Castiel! Bring him back!"

Silence followed Dean's demands. When he looked up he saw God looking back at him, His eyes full of sadness.

"That is not how this is meant to be carried out, Dean."

Dean tightened his grip on Castiel.

"What are you talking about?"

God took a deep breath. "Order will be restored. The world will be as it was before you went to Hell. You will destroy both Lillith and Ruby the night the hellhounds come for you. The deal you made will be nullified and you will never go to Hell. Those who were killed in this war will have their lives restored. The demons and angels who were killed will not return, however, except for Castiel. He will become a leader amongst the angels…"

God paused as He looked into Dean's eyes.

"You will not know him. You will never know of his existence."

Dean stared at God in disbelief for a moment.

"You can't do that," He whispered in shock.

"That is the way it must be."

Dean finally let go of Castiel's body and rose to his feet.

"I don't freaking care how it must be! I just got him back! I had to cross two states, get chased by a freaking possessed _cow_, and then get my ass get by Lucifer! And Castiel has been through even more shit than that! And now when we're finally together, when there's finally no more secrets and we can actually be together, you're telling me you're gonna take all that away from us?" Dean stood in front of God defiantly. "Screw you and screw your damn plans!"

"Dean, there are reasons you cannot conceive of right now as to why it must be this way."

Dean shook his head furiously. "I don't care! Bring him back to life!"

God took a step closer to Dean and stared him in the eyes in a calm but firm manner.

"If I bring back Castiel as you ask me to, then all those who have died will remain dead. Your world will remain in chaos as a result of what Lucifer and the angels have done. Is that how you wish it to be?"

Dean felt his heart drop as he thought about all the people who had died because of everything that had happened. He tried to moisten his lips, but his tongue felt like sandpaper.

"Fine," He said quietly. "But you have to let me remember him."

God shook His head. "That is not how this works, Dean."

"But he'll remember me!"

"And he will follow the orders that I give him and if he is commanded to let you live your life without him, he will do that." God reached out and rested His hand on Dean's arm. "I am giving you a gift, Dean. You will not be haunted by your time in Hell. The nightmares that plague you will cease."

Dean dropped his gaze and thought about what God was saying. He wanted those who had died to be brought back. And he wanted to be free from the memories of Hell. He looked back at Castiel's pale and realized that as much as he wanted these things, he wanted Castiel more. He turned back around and met God's gaze.

"I'd go to Hell again if it meant there would at least be a chance Castiel and I could be together again," Dean said without hesitation.

God studied Dean carefully for a moment before nodding slightly.

"If I do this… the lives lost would be restored… you would have the memories of Hell… and you would be rescued by Castiel… but you will have no memory of him."

"But there would be a chance I would get to talk to him again?" Dean quickly asked, feeling a glimmer of hope rise inside of him.

"Yes, there would be that chance."

"I'll take it," Dean said quickly. "Just bring Castiel back. And just let us have that chance."

God nodded and Dean would have sworn that God almost looked pleased by the deal Dean had just made with Him.

"Very well," God said.

Before Dean could say anything God reached out and touched Dean on the forehead.

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One chapter to go, my loyal readers! : )


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

_The years of torture were nearly unbearable. Demons would come and tear the flesh from his body with their claws and teeth while he screamed in agony. Other would slowly skin him alive slowly and carefully. He wanted to give up. He wanted the agony to end._

_But he didn't. Because while he didn't know why, Dean felt a glimmer of hope inside of him. Something was going to happen. He was not going to have to endure Hell for all eternity. Even as each year passed with no signs of help, Dean did not lose faith. He was going to escape._

_Someone would come for him._

* * *

Dean's eyes flew open and he let out a gasp for air. He realized that wherever he was it was dark and he didn't have much room to move. He was in a box. He fumbled around in his pocket and pulled out his lighter. When it flicked it on he saw that he was in some sort of wooden box.

At that moment he remembered the hellhounds… and Lillith… and he remembered seeing Sam be unaffected by her attack and he had managed to kill her with the knife. And then Dean remembered he had died.

It was a long struggle to escape out of the coffin he had been buried in. He silently thanked Sam for using thin boards to make the coffin and for making the grave somewhat shallow. He sucked in the cool air as he emerged from the ground and crawled out of the hole. He collapsed weakly as he struggled to regain his strength.

And then he looked up.

His eyes widened when he saw the perfect circle of fall trees around him. He managed to get to his feet and he could see how far the trees had somehow been knocked down.

He didn't know how he had been freed from Hell, but he knew something big had done it.

He spotted a narrow path that led out of the group of fallen trees. Dean began carefully picking his way through, hoping to be able to find a phone or some way to contact Sam and Bobby. And get some food. Man, he was hungry!

As he walked away he didn't see the figure wearing a long tan trench coat watch him. He didn't see the figure lower his head and then spread his wings. He didn't see the figure as it disappeared into the sky.

_The End_

I would like to give a HUGE thank you to all of you who have been reading this story and shared your feedback with me. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Now, before anyone panics, I do intend to write a sequel at some point. What exactly the sequel will entail… well, I have no clue yet. Any thoughts or ideas are always welcomed!

In the mean time I plan on working on some of my other stories and finishing those up before the Season 5 premiere!

Thanks for reading! : )


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